Let`s legislate our way to a safer world. First, of course, we`ll have to ban all firearms. That includes weapons belonging to the police and military, since they can be misused, and the costs just don`t outweigh the benefits. Nor is it enough to enforce the 55 m.p.h. speed limit: Cars are dangerous, and they`ll have to go. Knives are right out.
The FDA is on the right track, forbidding experimental drugs that might help terminally ill AIDS victims–after all, we can`t risk any side effects, can we? But they could do more. People kill themselves with accidental overdoses of prescription drugs.
Get rid of all the bicycles, lawn mowers, skateboards, horses (”Gone with the Wind” might have had a happy ending if Bonnie Butler hadn`t had a pony), knitting needles, plastic bags, skis, roller skates, swimming pools, jungle gyms, power tools, claw hammers, sports (professional, school and amateur), children`s games, heavy industry, electrical outlets, bathtubs and everything with sharp corners.
