Nearly 60 percent of all women with children under age 18 are working. That`s a familiar statistic, but for the women involved it`s a constant reminder of their many responsibilities.
We talk often of quality day care, of flexible hours, but those still are not a reality for most women. We also talk about fathers equally sharing the burden of child care, but that hasn`t happened, either.
Employed mothers of infants, it seems, have the most difficult times, the most worries. Working mothers of preschoolers are a close second.
A TempoWoman reader who signs herself ”A Happy Mother” wrote that she returned to work full-time when her son was 6 weeks old. She resigned when he was a year. ”My heart broke every morning when I had to leave the baby,” she says. ”I thought about him in spare moments all day long and often found it difficult to focus on my work.” She said she was ”chronically exhausted and tense” from her many responsibilities. She will return to work when her son is 6.
However, not every mother wants to or can afford to put her career on hold. Here`s how some of them cope.
KAREN KULY-KOMO
Age 37, general manager of the Tremont Hotel
”My daughter, Katharine, was born last August,” says Kuly-Komo. She works a 60-hour week running the 139-room hotel. ”I came back within seven weeks but continued to nurse her for three months. Fortunately we live nearby.”
She says she ”never left work. I was very involved. I didn`t want my presence not felt.”
At the end of her maternity leave, Kuly-Komo says, she was ”ready to go back to work for the relaxation! I really hated to leave the baby–she`s so cute–but it`s important for her to be socialized, to be with people other than me.”
Kuly-Komo and her husband, Ken, a business owner, were lucky. ”We found a wonderful nanny,” she says. ”With her our lives are improved: Our baby is happy, the house is always clean, the beds made and the dishes done.”
She has invested 20 years in her profession. ”I could never stay at home. It`s better for everyone`s sake that I`m working. My husband is supportive, although he has yet to change a diaper.”
Kuly-Komo advises handling each day as it comes, and, above all, ”Don`t panic.”
DELFINA LOPEZ
Age 34, owner of Century 21-Del Mar
”I`ve worked since I was 13 years old and I work long hours,” says Lopez, whose daughter is 5. ”I was divorced when Adina was 3 years old, so there was no way I could stop work then.”
Lopez became a partner in the real estate firm in 1982 and purchased the franchise in December, 1985. ”I went back to work right away but nursed the baby for four months. I went crazy at home. My parents, who live nearby, help me a lot.”
Lopez has a staff of 10 and often works 9 a.m. to midnight, plus weekends. She says she worried constantly about her child. ”I called and checked up on her 10 times a day. I trusted my parents, but I wanted them to do things my way. I stayed up late at night making fresh vegetables and meat for the baby. I wanted her to have the best of everything.”
Adina was a ”darling, pudgy baby, little fat cheeks, a smile on her face. I used to run home whenever I could, just to be with her.”
Things do get easier, she says. ”I love my work and now that I`m sole owner, I want to see it through. My daughter`s in kindergarten and doing excellently. We`re together a lot; we even exercise together.
”I hover over my child. She`s the only one I have. She`s my whole life, who I`m doing this for.”
LOLITA M. BAILEY
Age 21, legal secretary, Seaberry & McDowell
”When I had Rekia two years ago, I wasn`t working,” says Bailey. She is single and lives with the baby`s father, Dennis Williams. ”I had the baby after I was graduated from high school. I wanted to get a job, so I went to business college and became a legal secretary. The school placed me immediately in my present job.”
Both grandmothers took care of Rekia while Bailey went to school. ”I used to worry about her in class.
”I only went afternoons, but I missed her. I miss her now and I worry even more because she`s getting around more. I have her picture sitting on my desk and I often just touch it.”
Being a working mother is ”rough. I have to cook, clean up, do laundry, and the baby needs a lot of attention because she hasn`t seen me all day.
”I get very tired. It takes a lot from me.”
Bailey recalls the days when she used to ”hang around with friends. I miss that a lot.” She and Williams have been together five years.
”You need to have someone around, to go through all of it with you,”
she says. Williams takes Rekia to and from the baby-sitter every day.
Having a baby ”made me realize I couldn`t stay young forever,” she says.
”So think about it before you have the baby. Make sure you have someone to help you, someone to stand by you.”
JANET T. MCCOY
Age 35, owner Upward Services, Glen Ellyn
”I promised myself after leaving the corporate world after many years that if I were successful in my own business, I`d pay back my community by getting a foster child,” says McCoy, who is single and runs a business consulting firm from home.
And that`s how her foster daughter, age 2, came to live with her and changed her life.
”I`m in awe of people in factory or secretarial jobs who raise families on $15,000 or less,” she says. ”But now I know that money has very little to do with it.”
McCoy, who has degrees in physical education and psychology, works with corporations on such issues as physical fitness, alcohol and drug abuse and smoking. She visits clients every day. ”My daughter goes to a baby-sitter, and when I work evenings, my family and friends help out.”
She says she is ”torn into a million directions, but I believe I have my priorities set right. I`m single; I have to work. No one else is supporting me. My daughter is my No. 1 priority. Work is No. 1 1/2.
”I had no idea what a diaper was,” she says. ”My lifestyle has changed drastically! But tell me of someone whose life isn`t hard. This is acceptable to me.”
McCoy is now trying to adopt her foster child. ”I wanted to adopt her the day I met her. It was instant bonding, as if I`ve known her all my life. I think about her all the time: I`m her. She`s me.”
Send comments and ideas for future discussions to Carol Kleiman, The Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.
