A lot of folks out there-especially those we write about-know that INC. can dish it out but wonder if we can take it. Since it`s Christmas, the INC.sters sent presents to some of the politicians and celebrities who`ve been our ”victims” in the last year. We invited them to write an item about what they hoped Santa Claus would bring O`Malley and Gratteau, INC. Here`s what they had to say . . .
POLITICAL TIDINGS . . .
– Alton Miller, who served as press secretary to the late Mayor Harold Washington, sent these tidings from all the folks at City Hall: ”We`d like Santa to bring INC. a contract for a weekly television program with a live studio audience that would be restricted to only those people who have been maligned and exalted that week by INC. And there should be a free supply of ripe vegetables at the door. In their stockings, we hope they find a ”bull” barometer to tell the difference between the flacks, the political hacks, the intra-office intrigue clacks and the people with the real facts. And buttons that should read: `No, I`m not that columnist.”`
– Gov. Jim Thompson wants INC. to have his telephone number so ”they can check out the items about me before they print them.”
– ”Since somebody ought to say something nice about you, I just want Santa to bring you happy holidays,” wrote Lt. Gov. George Ryan.
– Former Dem party chief turned GOPer Ed Vrdolyak has this holiday wish for INC.: ”That you and your partner are the winners and recipients of the 1988 First Annual Vernon Jarrett Truth in Journalism Award.”
– And from Senate President Phil Rock (D., Oak Park) ”a gift-wrapped super-laser editing gun which instantly zaps any unkind words about the Illinois General Assembly.” (Rock thinks Santa is bipartisan.)
– House Minority Leader Lee Daniels (R., Elmhurst) hopes Santa brings INC. a bag-full of goodies including an INC.ster lie-detector, a road map,
(people keep hoping we`ll actually figure out where Downstate starts) and a political dictionary and scorecard to keep track of Chicago politics in 1988. – Ald. Burton Natarus (42d) hopes INC. finds ”a positive mental attitude” under its Christmas tree.
A SPORTING SHOT . . .
Chicago Bear Jim McMahon was brief but pointed with his suggestion of what Santa should bring INC. for Christmas: ”New writers.”
INC.`S CHRISTMAS CAROL . . .
State Comptroller Roland Burris penned this Christmas ditty to INC.:
Come they told me, pahrumpumpumpum,
Those gals from INC. to see, pahrumpumpumpum,
They know a good story, pahrumpumpumpum,
Makes up their glory, pahrumpumpumpum.
O`Malley smiled at me, pahrumpumpumpum,
And then she told Hanke, pahrumpumpumpum,
That I brought juicy news, pahrumpumpumpum,
To chase away their blues, pahrumpumpumpum,
Me and my drum.
CELEBRITY SHOTS . . .
Jim Belushi thinks Santa should bring the INC.sters a pair of nose jobs-”so they`re not so snooty.” . . . Channel 5 weatherman John Coleman:
”For Christmas, I give INC. a rear view mirror to watch for enemies trying to sneak up on you. But I`m a friend, not a foe. You zapped me, but also plugged my first role as an actor. And a bouquet of roses to you and your readers from Janet and me; we hope that your Christmas is as filled with love as ours.”
STOCKING STUFFERS . . .
Okay, it`s our turn again. . . . Did you ever notice how much the Grateful Dead`s Jerry Garcia looks like Santa Claus? Think about it: was the jolly old man who came down your chimney humming ”Truckin` ”? . . . An INC. source couldn`t help but notice that at one of the nearly dozen Christmas parties hosted by President and Nancy Reagan at the White House, the line for the shrimp and rare roast beef was a lot longer than the line to meet the First Couple.
INC.LINGS . . .
Christmas birthdays: Sissy Spacek, 38; Barbara Mandrell, 39; Bill Zwecker, 39; 104 FM`s Dan Diamond, 33. . . . Saturday birthdays: Steve Allen, 66; Alan King, 60; Richard Widmark, 73; Carlton Fisk, 40; Chuck Koster, 65;
U.S. Rep. Lynn Martin, 48. . . . City Aviation Commissioner Earl Hord is crediting U.S. Rep. Gus Savage (D., Ill.) for ”saving” $35 million in city general revenue funds. Savage led the lobbying against a bill that would have made the city set aside aviation fuel tax funds for airport improvements. . . . Producer Keith Baumgartner is returning home to Chicago for a holiday shopping trip; he`s shopping for investors for a film version of ”Good Times, Bad Times,” James Kirkwood`s somewhat dark novel about a boys` school.
