However, some women who change their minds about returning to work after having a baby may do so because of their expectations of life with a baby rather than their lack of commitment to the job. Several employees we know have formed parent-support groups in order to help new parents with all of the issues of working and parenting. Also, many communities have classes in first- time parenting, and supportive relationships can be forged that help new parents cope with the realities of child rearing.
Recent studies have shown that children play a major role in the earning power of women, women`s continuity of labor force participation, the kinds of jobs women take and the amount of effort women are able to bring to their careers. Studies also point out that each additional child lowers a women`s earnings.
Victor Fuchs, professor of economics at Stanford University and author of several books on health economics, conducted a study of working women who made over $25,000 in 1983. He found that half of these women had no children and concluded that women who are serious about their careers have hard choices and trade-offs to make. And as the decreasing percentage of families with children shows, not as many women are choosing parenthood as did in the past.
In thinking about how having a child has influenced her work life, Gilbert comments, ”I don`t have as much time to devote to my career, because I take my parental responsibility seriously. However, because my husband truly shares all responsibilities equally, I`m able to travel, attend evening functions, and fulfill my job responsibilities. And I should add, raising a child has not had a negative impact on Keith`s career. In general, I wouldn`t want to spend any more of my time or life working. In the past I`ve been too wrapped up in work, but would now rather have a balanced life.”
One of our respondents said of her choice: ”It was emotionally tough at the beginning. I had to insist on professional choices which would accommodate the time my children required. These choices were seldom the ones I would have selected had I not had children.”
According to a 1985 study, only 7 percent of all American households fit the ”Ozzie and Harriet” type-in which the father works and the mother stays home and takes care of the kids. As more and more women enter the work force, researchers are beginning to study the psychological and social effects this may have on their children. How do children feel about their mothers working and being left during the day? And if the children had their choice, would they elect to have their mothers work or not?
One respondent told us, ”During the early years of my son`s childhood he compared my going to work with his doing `homework,` which he did not enjoy. He seemed truly amazed when I told him how much I loved my job!”
Since most high achievers in our study expressed high job satisfaction, we learned that it is important to teach our children that we enjoy our work. There are two sides to how working women`s careers affect their children, as there are to every issue. The subject of childhood stability of the offspring of working mothers was studied by Amitai Etzioni in ”An Immodest Agenda: Rebuilding America Before the 21st Century.” Etzioni lamented the fact that droves of women have joined the labor force with little attention to the children left behind at home. He sees the ”ego-centered mentality” as the chief villain in America and believes that many Americans are deeply committed to a philosophy of self-fulfillment-a feeling that ego needs, sensation and excitement take priority over the needs of others, including spouse and children.
Etzioni feels that the first step to combat this is not to accept the idea that skimping on child care is acceptable if the reduced time spent is
”quality time.” He believes few children are so resilient. He said, ”The fragmentary sociological studies on such children suggest that-at least for significant numbers of the children-considerable and lasting psychic damage is caused.”
Etzioni is not the only person who believes that children are under a new threat. A growing level of stress may be attacking the physical and emotional health of children and young persons, according to pediatricians at the Palo Alto Medical Foundation in Palo Alto, Calif. (These physicians) say they see many more stress-related conditions now then in the past.
Dr. Harry E. Hartzell, chairman of the department of pediatrics at the Palo Alto Medical Foundation said, ”Girls are probably under more stress than they were in previous generations. They want to pursue careers and be competitive in the job market. They also want to be recognized for their intellectual capabilities. On the other hand, they have needs to be loved and to be loving. Sometimes it`s very difficult to meet all these expectations.
”Children today have expectations (that) are often difficult to meet. For the first time in this country, children will have to accept the possibility that they may not be able to live or travel as well as their parents did.”
Stress levels that children and adolescents feel often are linked closely to how they feel about themselves-or their self-esteem. A child with a poor self-image will feel higher levels of stress even when facing a modest challenge than someone who feels confident and good about himself.
Child psychiatrist Dr. Bruce Bienenstock, also at the Palo Alto Medical Clinic, voiced his view about how some of today`s parents are communicating their expectations to their children. ”We seem to be thrusting our children right into our own distress about the meritocracy (achievement-based society) in which we live. We often don`t give them a chance just to experience being cared for by parents who can concentrate on what their needs are. Parents seem so terribly preoccupied with their own achievement-and just making it-that many, many of them, as much as they intend or want to be connected to their children, are overwhelmed with trying to survive themselves.
”So what I find,” continued Bienenstock, ”is that children really feel a sense of abandonment. The children then try to be more like their parents:
do better in school; be more successful; be more attractive; be thinner. Children show that kind of distress by depression and a lack of positive self- esteem, because what they are trying to achieve is one of the aims of adulthood, not an aim of childhood.”
Nycum knows there is another side with dark moments: ”Sue (her daughter) learned early that as a single-parent, working-mother family we could not do or have everything that the two-parent traditional family did and had. That taught Sue the value of scarce resources, including time management. She also learned to be self-sufficient. Today she is an excellent manager and leader of people. The self-confidence she has from knowing herself and her inner strength is a backbone of her present widely admired poise and presence.”
Gilbert, too, comments on the negative: ”I am noticing that more and more women feel trapped in the superwoman syndrome. Sometimes they achieve all their career goals, and yet the rewards and the applause don`t make up for the sacrifices. My daughter has seen me cope with achieving more than I ever hoped I would, and has also seen me go through the process of deciding that there is much more to life than career success and material gains. Having seen both sides of the coin, I believe she`ll have the basis for making rational choices in her life.”
Collins recalls with amusement asking her sons if they planned to marry a woman like herself. ”Heavens, no,” came an immediate reply from her middle son. ”I want a wife who stays home and cooks brownies!” They joke about this remark even today, but at the time, Collins admits, she was hurt.
In sharing her insights, Nycum looks at both the positive and negative sides of combining children with careers: ”I think it is some of each. I can think back on poignant vignettes when my daughter was growing up, and I know that pride in my success did not compensate for the loneliness or personal needs at times when Mom was just not there. On the other hand, I suppose the same thing might have happened if I had been playing bridge or doing a volunteer job.
”I think it is good for female children, that their role model is a person who is her own person, and not a woman who lives entirely through her children. This enables the child to be more independent, more willing to take risks, because only her own life is dependent on her, and not her mother, who is living vicariously through her.
”On the whole, I think my daughter is very happy now at what I have done. But I suspect that when she was very little, there might have been a time of fear and uncertainty and concern about where she fit in, and possibly what would happen to her since we were a single-parent/single-child household. But if the proof of the pudding is in the tasting thereof, we have done a very good job of our cooking!”
