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Ever walk into a store to be greeted at the door by a sign reading:

”Positively no returns or refunds. All sales final.”

Rather ominous warning that what you`re getting into can`t be taken lightly. Like getting married.

When test driving the 1989 Mitsubishi Montero four-wheel-drive utility vehicle, there also was an ominous warning that took some of the pleasure out of the experience.

We pulled down the sun visor and found the printed message the government requires all utility vehicle manufacturers to post. It states:

”As with other vehicles of this type, if you make sharp turns or abrupt maneuvers the vehicle may roll over or may go out of control and crash.”

The surgeon general`s warning on a pack of smokes seems tame by comparison.

Four-wheel-drive utility vehicles stand tall to allow for the required hardware as well as the extra road clearance needed for heavy snows or to avoid those occasional obstructions when off-roading.

The higher center of gravity means a little wobble in turns and corners and the feeling you don`t want to make any major decisions at high speed on less than straight roads. The Montero seemed to sit even a bit higher than a Cherokee, Bronco II or S-10 Blazer.

Mitsubishi doesn`t make occupants feel any better by placing an

”Inclinometer” in the dash, a gyroscope like device that shows the movable angle of the vehicle up hills, on inclines or around turns. A clever device before all the concern over rollovers, but today it`s like walking on a plane and seeing a parachute strapped on the stewardess.

Mitsubishi added a longer four-door Montero for 1989 as a companion to its two-door model. The four-door is built on a 106-inch wheelbase and is 181.7 inches long overall, a hefty increase from the 92.5-inch wheelbase and 155.9 inch overall length on the two-door.

The extended length and longer wheelbase keeps occupants at a distance from the axles and the point of greatest road harshness. The rear coil suspension contributes to a fairly smooth ride as well. Despite the longer wheelbase there`s still the high center of gravity. If Montero sat a few inches closer to the pavement, handling probably would be better, especially in corners and turns, and the driver would have more of a perception of safety.

Montero`s four-wheel-drive system is a part-time unit that requires you get out and lock the hubs to engage. Those television ads featuring Ford and Chevrolet trucks crossing water and the Ford drivers having to get out and lock hubs is an effective means of promoting the benefits of full-time four-wheel drive.

Though Ford and Chevy are talking about four-door utility vehicles to compete with the Cherokee from Chrysler, the Japanese producer has delivered. Families like the foul weather security four-wheel drive offers, but they prefer four doors to two.

Regardless of the number of doors, don`t expect an eye popper in the looks department. Montero was designed for the Japanese market and styling wasn`t a top priority. Mitsubishi says: ”The exterior alludes to the outback.” Apt description of what looks like across between a Willys Jeep and an International Harvester Scout.

Inside, there`s lots of head room, but though Mitsubishi focused on adding length, it shortchanged adults on width.

Montero tries to offset the shortcomings in style and roominess with a peppy 143-horsepower, fuel-injected, 3-liter V-6 teamed with a 5-speed transmission as standard and automatic with overdrive an option. Automatic is standard on the top of the line Montero LS we tested.

Standard equipment on the LS includes AM/FM stereo, power brakes/

steering/windows/door locks, cruise control, tinted windows, rear window defroster and side window defoggers, intermittent wipers, all-season, steel-belted radial tires, tilt wheel, an adjustable air suspension system for the driver`s seat like that used on long distance semis, a 24.3 gallon fuel tank, a foldable rear seat back to increase carrying capacity, a variety of stowage compartments, rear-seat headrests and a tailgate mounted spare. The rear seat headrestsand spare tire on the tailgate block some rear-view vision. Base price on the four-door Montero is $17,099 with 5-speed, $17,789 with automatic. On the LS with automatic the base price is $18,389.

Four doors and a peppy engine, but the Montero won`t capture any styling awards.

LEXUS UPDATE

Toyota has given its upcoming Lexus sedans alphanumeric designations rather than names. The luxury Lexus four-door sedan will be called the LS 400, with LS referring to luxury sedan and 400 to the fact the car is powered by a 4-liter V-8. The lower priced Lexus four-door sedan will be called the ES 250, with ES for executive sedan and 250 for the 2.5 liter V-6 engine.

The LS 400 is a 32-valve V-8 that develops a hefty 250 horsepower. An antilock brake system will bestandard. A 5-speed transmission will be standard, automatic an option. The V-6 has 24 valves and develops 156 h.p. and, like the ES 400, antilock brakes are standard. A 5-speed is standard, automatic an option.

Toyota said the LS 400 will be priced in the $30,000 to $35,000 range, the ES 250 in the $20,000 to $25,000 range. The first Toyota venture into full-size luxury cars go on sale in the U.S. next fall as 1990 models.

Here`s what some competitors and observers are saying about Toyota`s Lexus and Nissan`s luxury Infiniti model

Ed Mertz, Buick general manager: ”It`s not a foregone conclusion Lexus will succeed. With a $2 1/2 million investment by their dealers, the deal isn`t a certain thing, and it`s not as good as won. We`ve been outselling the (Honda) Acura, so we aren`t shaking in our boots. It`s one more competitor.”

Ross Roberts, Lincoln-Mercury general manager:”It`s going to get a little crowded and busy in the $25,000-$30,000 end of the market with Lexus and Infiniti. The idea of Japanese cars, price be damned, is going away. What they`ll do depends on their retail distribution network. They need dealers but are dealers going to pay big money for a low-volume franchise? We don`t expect to lose many buyers to them. If we do our job right, we don`t have to worry about others and won`t have the time to worry about them.”

Robert McElwaine, president of the American International Imported Automobile Dealers Association: ”Lexus and Infiniti could throw the luxury market into turmoil based on reception and perception. Those cars will determine just how large the luxury market really is.

”The concept has been that the market is larger than it now is and everyone in it is forecasting sales to rise. They may all be in for a rude shock if the market is smaller than they`ve been anticipating. I see those cars as competitors to European luxury cars at lower prices more so than rivals to domestic luxury cars,” McElwaine said.

AUTO SHOW UPDATE

The Detroit Auto Show, trying to steal the thunder and as many new car introductions as it can from the Chicago Auto Show, reports it has lined up the Chevrolet Lumina and Pontiac Trans Sport plastic-body mini-vans for its Jan. 7 through 15 exposition.

Also scheduled for display are the Porsche 911 Carrera 4, the 911 Speedster and the 944 S2 Cabriolet; the restyled 1990 Lincoln Town Car; the Peugeot Oxia concept car; and Lexus and Infiniti. Those vehicles will be at the Chicago show, but not until Feb. 11 through 19.

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Jim Mateja`s Autos column appears Sunday and Monday in the Tribune.