Single professional women, absorbed in their work and putting in long hours at the office, often find that they have no time for a social life-even if they want one.
”I would like to suggest a topic for discussion about how busy single professional women have no time for a personal life,” Phyllis O`Neal wrote TempoWoman.
O`Neal, who does human resource assessment for AT&T, says some of her single friends have told her they have ”no time for dating and suffer the subsequent loss of dreams for marriage and family.”
Having time for a social life, for friends and companionship, often is a luxury for women who are on a fast track in the corporate world or who are starting-or maintaining-their own businesses.
”I love my work and I enjoy every minute I put into my selling job,” a TempoWoman reader says. ”But now and then I come up for air and discover I`ve been left behind and have absolutely no social life.
”The truth is a relationship takes as much work to establish as a full time job-and I don`t have the time.” Here are opinions of three other women. MARY KNIGHT
Age 33, owner, Mystique Boutique
Knight worked in a women`s clothing store for seven years before opening her specialty shop in Hyde Park in 1983 with money borrowed from family members.
”It was a small store, but it took a lot of time and work,” she says.
”I was so busy, I didn`t have a personal life at all. I didn`t have anybody in my life.”
With her investment of long hours, hard work and ”doing everything,”
including buying, selling and displays, Knight`s business has grown. She has expanded her boutique and has opened a shoe store next door.
”We`re doing very well,” says Knight, who has a staff of five. ”But when I started out, I didn`t have time for anything but the boutique. A lot of people helped me get it going, but I knew it was really up to me to make it a success.”
Though she was completely absorbed in her profession, Knight says, ”At no time did I ever say or think I would not get married or have children. In fact, I hope to get married and have children.”
As soon as both her businesses were ”pretty much where I wanted them,”
Knight had more time to date. ”I`m lucky now because two of my sisters are working for me and I have had a little more time.”
About six months ago, her personal life changed. ”I`m dating a man now, someone I`ve known for three years,” she says. She usually goes out on Sundays, her day off.
Knight doesn`t feel she lost out by putting her personal life on hold for several years. What`s important, she says, is that, when you do start dating, to be involved ”with men who care about you and who are behind you, who understand that running a business takes more than working in a 9-to-5 job.” She adds: ”Don`t give up your dreams. You can do both.”
MARNIE MCHALE
Unit manager, Rush-Presbyterian-St. Luke`s Medical Center
McHale, a registered nurse in charge of a 25-bed cancer unit, earned her bachelor`s degree from Northern Illinois University in 1976 and her master`s in oncology nursing from Rush University in 1982.
Busy and dedicated, McHale works long hours supervising a staff of 25. She also runs a cancer support group for hospital patients and lectures at its school of nursing.
In addition, she`s a volunteer for the American Cancer Society of Illinois, has implemented ”I Can Cope” cancer programs at Evanston Hospital and other local hospitals, gives lectures on early detection and prevention of cancer, and serves as a nursing resource on the importance of mammograms and self-examination of breasts.
All this takes time, but McHale has had ”an active social life over the years. Eventually, I want a husband and children, but I want the right person,” says McHale.
The biggest mistake a busy working woman can make, the nurse says, ”is to do something because you hope to meet someone, to find a mate. Do things because you will enjoy them. Be true to yourself.”
A social life takes planning, McHale agrees. ”I`ve waxed and waned as an organizer, but four years ago I did something I wanted to do for a long time: I joined the choir of St. Clement`s Church-and I meet a lot of people there, from all walks of life.”
McHale says she`s aware of the internal ticking of her biological timeclock but feels ”no external pressure” from her large and supportive family to get married and have children.
Busy women, McHale says, should ”hang loose. Don`t do things you don`t want to do just to meet people. But, on the other hand, don`t let being tired or having errands to run keep you from going out.
”And get a phone answering machine. It`s the missing link.”
MIGDALIA RIVERA
Age 38, executive director, Latino Institute
”I work 12 to 14 hours a day and generally a six-day week, with night meetings, local seminars and out of town conferences,” says Millie Rivera, whose not-for-profit agency serves groups working with the Hispanic population of Chicago, including not-for-profit, government and corporate entities.
”I work this hard by choice. I recognize I can`t keep this pace forever, but I feel Hispanics have a lot of catching up to do in this society, and we have to do it quickly if we don`t want to be left behind. My work is the focus of my energy.”
Rivera, born in Puerto Rico and brought to the United States as an infant, has a bachelor`s degree from Cornell University in industrial and labor relations. She has worked in the private and public sector.
”I don`t wish to be married or have children,” says Rivera, who says she has ”wonderful relationships” with men who accompany her to her many business obligations. ”My work is so incredibly important, I just don`t have time.
”I`ve been very close to marriage once and recognized then that it would have an adverse affect on my ability to continue the kind of pace my job demands.”
She took a three-month leave of absence when her sister had her second child and enjoyed the ”experience of nurturing a child. I spend a lot of time with my nieces. I am part of an extended family.”
Choosing between a profession and marriage and family is something ”no man would ever have to do,” Rivera observes. ”Men do not see themselves as the primary caretaker if they have children, and would not have to forfeit anything in their worklife.”
But Rivera is a romantic. ”I want to find a man not intimidated by my position, who`s understanding when dates have to be broken or postponed, who doesn`t mind waiting when meetings run over-and even though the flowers have wilted, his face lights up when I walk in.”
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Send comments and ideas for future questions to Carol Kleiman, The Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.
