Covered with sequins and glitter, with huge rhinestone clips at their ears, posing in their 4-inch dyed-to-match-the-gown spikes, these glamazons seem to have dropped in from Las Vegas. But no: The showgirl is alive and well in Chicago.
Even though she`s not a she.
They have names like Amber, Chanel, Lakesha and Fantasya. They say,
”It`s all just nothing if you can`t be sweet, too.” The audience goes wild.
But backstage they`re scrambling and grabbing and hustling, trying to find those heels, lashes and hairpieces.
This is serious, this business of being a female impersonator.
And Miss Continental USA, the contest some weeks back that has packed the audience in to Park West, is the creme de la creme in the impersonator biz.
Still, these men don`t look like men dressed as women. The Miss Continental contestants look like women dressed to kill.
The pageant, in its 10th year, has grown from 14 contestants to 44. Owner and creator Jim Flint says that the best thing about all this hoopla over a bunch of boys dressed up like girls ”is pride. We`ve become open about our gay lifestyles. . . . You naturally want positive role models on all fronts.” Flint, who runs the pageant with an iron fist, is proud of his baby: ”We now have 25 preliminaries around the country, and our evening gowns are of a much higher quality than you see on Miss America. We`ve had some prospective Miss America winners come check out our gowns.”
Two traits in common
They`d be surprised if they checked some of the contestants` features, because despite appearances the pageant is strictly for female impersonators- not transsexuals. Many of those onstage have had cosmetic surgery (perhaps to pare an Adam`s apple), or hormone treatment, silicone injections or electrolysis. But all have two things in common: male genitals, and a will to win the $3,500 grand prize.
This year, actress Robyn Douglass, most renowned for her portrayal of a male impersonator in the TV movie ”Her Life as a Man,” heads a panel of seven judges.
The extravaganza begins with a parade of the 44 contestants, all dressed in virginal white sequins and glitter. Former Miss Continentals are warmly introduced and then the ”girls” are given their moment at the microphone:
”Hello, Chicago, I`m the reigning Miss Chubby Continental and I`ve got hips, hips and more hips for you!” There are entrants from Virginia, Michigan, ”Goddess of Los Angeles,” ”Miss Manhattan,” ”Miss Lipsticks Atlanta,” all with sponsors.
The sponsors-and there are hundreds of them-are a key element: They provide the bucks that buy the thousand-dollar dresses and the bikinis and the wigs and the sets and chorus boys for the talent portion.
Preliminary winners of the swimwear, evening gown and talent competitions are then announced, along with the Miss Congeniality Award, which goes to Miss Chubby.
And then it`s on to the naming of the 12 semi-finalists and the eagerly awaited swimwear section. All of the girls have stunning figures, showcased in black leather or silver Mylar. Some come equipped with gimmicks-Ginger Valdez is carried in riding a blow-up pink Cadillac. All suits are cut high on the hip and low in the cleavage area for maximum exposure.
Next comes the talent segment. At this point, Alana, Christine, Cezanne, Lauren and the rest get the chance to star in their own mini-fantasy production numbers.
Flint recalls that once the contestants were content ”just doing a number”-lip-synching to a tape and acting out the song. Now, however,
”talent” has come to mean lavish production numbers. And lavish means lavish: Ginger re-creates ”Madame Butterfly” complete with rickshaw, 4-foot fans, giant paper umbrellas and a Chinese dragon. Aggie Doon (”Miss Manhattan”) struts and shimmies through a 1920s speakeasy, ends up shooting her lover and frying in the electric chair to the tune of ”What I Did for Love.”
But simplicity still has its place. Lauren Michaels does a ballet number sans set and back-up boys and actually gets up en pointe and stays there while singing ”Some Enchanted Evening.” The audience gives her a standing ovation. 1,000 roar
Then again, this is an audience that stands up a lot. Six out of the 12 talent acts get the crowd of more than 1,000 on their feet, and they`ll stand again for their favorites in the evening-gown competition. Many of the audience members, at $20 a ticket, have returned year after year, and to support friends. A brunette impersonator named Ashley and her gal pal Jennifer (another impersonator) have journeyed from Rochester, N.Y., to cheer on electric-chair Aggie.
”Continental is the most realistic, the most fantastic,” Ashley exudes. ”It`s not about money. It`s about beauty.”
And humbleness. Flint, who also owns the Baton Show Lounge on North Clark Street, ”the top of the nation revue” for female impersonators, will brook no resistance to his authority: Kelly Lauren, 1989`s Miss Continental, is nowhere in evidence at this year`s festivities. Rumors buzz that she has been fired for not showing up at appearances, for ”bad conduct.” Flint says that ”she has a boyfriend and she`s very insecure. No one even missed her,” he sniffs.
Perhaps not, but just to make sure Flint announces that all the contestants have signed what amounts to a morality and scheduling clause: ”We have very high standards and we want them safeguarded. Miss Continental will have to travel a lot.” In other words, no show means no crown.
Next, the real tinsel
Flint`s actions are more understandable in light of what he`s got cooking: Las Vegas. ”We would certainly like to sell this to the networks,” he says. ”We`re certainly going to try to sell it to Las Vegas. That would give us the national attention that we need.”
Joseph LoPresti, co-owner of Chicago`s Joint Venture gift shop and a veteran Miss Continental-watcher, concurs: ”Female impersonation is an incredible art form. I can`t understand why `Star Search` is on TV and this isn`t.”
Anthony Costa, manager and women`s buyer at the Russo clothing shop, agrees, ”This was my first Continental and I thought it was fabulous! The women were absolutely believable, just stunning.”
The five remaining contestants are indeed stunners and have no problem answering the obligatory beauty-contest question.
”Your question,” says co-emcee Dana Manchester to each remaining beauty, ”is this: What`s harder-winning the title or maintaining the high morals and dignity to which the title aspires to and why?”
Amber, Lauren, Chanel, Christine and Lakesha all say that winning is hardest. After watching these babes go through their paces for 5 1/2 hours, the audience is in total agreement.
And as Lakesha Lucky, 1990`s Miss Continental USA, walks triumphantly down the runway, loaded with sky-high crown and armfuls of red roses, it becomes obvious that this is more than a job well done.
This is a triumph of fantasy over reality.
