When Carole Dolak of Cary turned 40 recently, she shed some tears. Not out of depression, but rather out of warm sentiment. For her birthday, Dolak was presented with balloons and a small blue velvet box with a gold charm tucked inside that read, ”Dear Friend-Love, the Girls.”
Dolak could hardly feel unhappy, not with the company she keeps. And the company she keeps has not changed much in 35 years, not since Dolak shared crayons with her pal Joanne Salemi back in kindergarten on Chicago`s West Side. Within a few short years, the pair had broadened their circle of friends to include seven other classmates at Our Lady Help of Christians Elementary School, and ”the girls,” as they refer to themselves, have remained close ever since.
In addition to Dolak`s birthday, 1989 marked the 40th birthdays of Salemi of Glen Ellyn and each of the other members of this tightly knit group, which also includes Moira Dowell and Peggy McNamara of Glen Ellyn, Maureen Flynn of Chicago, Pat Hill of Elmhurst, Phyllis Piazza of Wheaton, Mari Smaha of Des Plaines and Maureen Vitacco of Roselle. All grew up within a block of one another in a predominately Catholic neighborhood which, in the `50s and `60s, was teeming with large families and dozens of children.
That these playmates became friends is not so unusual, but that they remain so rooted to one another in this age of rapid change is remarkable.
(Think about it. How many kindergarten classmates can you name, much less how many do you see on a regular basis?) All the women moved from the West Side long ago, yet that shared background binds them in ways even they cannot explain.
”A lot of people don`t believe we`ve been friends for so long,” Vitacco says as she looks around at her friends gathered this night at a suburban restaurant. ”We`ve all laughed together, cried together and supported each other during the changes of growing up. We`ve been like sisters. We`ve had so many adventures.”
Take birthday parties, for instance. Starting last April with Hill`s 40th birthday, members of the group have gone to the Sugar Shackin Stone Park to be entertained by male dancers; they have spent the night at a slumber party;
they have gone to the race track, to a mystery dinner, to a gourmet dinner, dancing at Chicago`s Baja Beach Club, to Aspen, Colo., and this night to dinner at Houlihans in Woodfield where Dolak received her gold charm.
Another birthday highlight came recently after several of the women attended the ”Oprah Winfrey Show” for Salemi`s 40th. ”We asked Oprah to do a show about us,” says Salemi. Winfrey declined, but the next week one of the show`s producers invited four of the women to a housewives` slumber party aboard the luxury American-European Express train. They jumped at the chance and appeared on television-in blanket sleepers, no less.
”We don`t let a birthday go by. In fact, we celebrate everything,” says Dolak. ”Our loved ones hold their breath when they hear that we`re going out.”
From this group of nine, a fair cross-section of lifestyles is represented. Some attended college; others did not. Some are professional women; others are stay-at-home mothers. Some are married, others divorced. Their children range in age from 18 months to 19 years. Two of the women moved away and later returned; the rest have never left the Chicago area.
”Didn`t you ever grow apart from each other in all these years?” they are asked.
”No, no, no,” responds a firm chorus. ”We may not talk to each other daily, or even weekly, but whenever someone needs something, we`re there.”
”Weren`t there ever any fights among you?”
”Never any problem we couldn`t iron out,” says Dolak.
”Really, the only thing we ever had to iron out was Phyllis` hair,”
adds Hill.
Surprisingly within such a closely knit neighborhood as theirs, the women claim they never argued over boyfriends. ”We all dated the same guys,”
recalls McNamara. ”In fact, in junior high we probably all took turns passing around the same boy`s friendship ring.”
The group has cooked up a few schemes over the years, too, some successful, some not so. Hill recalls enlisting Vitacco`s help in high school to win back a boyfriend. Hill`s steady guy took another girl to a dance. Vitacco showed up wearing Hill`s dress in an effort to remind the boy of Hill. The plot must have had a positive result. Hill married him.
On another occasion, the girls staged a New Year`s Eve slumber party where they spent a good portion of the night in front of the convent shouting names at the nuns. As a result, their eighth grade graduation was nearly postponed.
”Don`ttell that!” says a still-embarrassed Vitacco.
”Oh, Maureen, we can tell that now. We`re 40!” Salemi says.
”Do you feel like you`re grown-ups?” an observer asks.
”No,” says Dowell. ”I think we still feel like we`re in eighth grade.”
”We`ve grown up together, and we`re still growing,” Vitacco adds.
Certainly the concerns of childhood have been replaced with more serious matters, and the friendship among these women has proven itself over and over. Dowell mentions the support she received from the group when her father died:”When my dad died most of my family was in Ireland. These girls were here for me.”
When Vitacco`s handicapped son needed a television at the Misericordia home where he lives, it was quietly purchased and delivered via the generosity of the group. Two years ago, several of the women were mugged and robbed at gunpoint after a group outing. Dowell was five months pregnant, and one member recalls praying that the gunman would turn the weapon on her in order to spare Dowell and her unborn child.
Dolak describes her greatest memory of her friends, a shower three years ago when she adopted a baby after years of trying to conceive: ”I was very excited. It felt like the first day of my life.” Again, her friends were there, pulling for her.
The women fumble trying to put their enduring friendship into words.
”We`ve had different happinesses and different difficulties,”explains Smaha. ”We`re very happy for each other and very proud of each other.”
”There really are no jealousies between us,” Salemi says. ”I think that`s important.”
Hill says the relationship between them is a good example for others: ”I try to teach my own kids-and everyone really-to encourage them with the friendships they develop. You have to work at it and you can`t assume your friends are always going to be around.”
It is clear that these nine women appreciate and treasure their common bond. If they had a motto, it might include something about dear friends, love and ”the girls.”
On this night, the women have already shown that the words pack a lot of feeling into a small gold charm.
