Everyone now and then lapses into an occassional monologue. But experts say problem talkers are habitual offenders: No matter where they go, they talk too much and get on people`s nerves. Even worse, they have no idea of their reputations.
So do yourself (and everyone else) a favor. Take a minute to ask:
– Do people always seem eager to leave the room when I begin to talk?
– When I talk, are the listeners regularly looking or turning away? Do they rub their fingers across the bridge of their noses? (Such subtle gestures can indicate you`re boring them to death.)
– How many questions do I ask during a normal conversation? (Excessive talkers have difficulty showing interest in others.)
– How many times a week do I interrupt people? (Compulsive talkers are poor listeners.)
– Is there someone I can ask for honest feedback of my speaking habits-a trusted friend, colleague or supervisor? (Be prepared to listen.)
There are also ways to get a compulsive talker under control. Most people falsely assume the best strategy is to feign interest while plotting their escape. This grin-and-bear-it approach might work, but it wastes your time, is rarely enjoyable and does nothing to solve the problem.
So here are a few things you can do to regain control of the conversation:
– Don`t remain silent. This feeds the anxiety of talkers and encourages them to continue.
– Slow down the conversation. Make a concious effort to lessen the pace of your own speech. This will help relax the compulsive talker.
– Interrupt. Talkers need constant, yet polite, reminders that conversation is a two-way street. Try these lines: ”Do you understand what I`m trying to say?” ”Could you slow down a bit, please? I`m trying to grasp what you`re saying.” ”I need to interrupt you; I`m having a hard time getting my point across.” ”Can I have some equal time here?”
– Don`t be embarrassed to ask the talker to summarize his ideas in a short sentence or two.
– Never attack. Excessive talkers often are insecure people hiding behind a wall of words. Despite appearances, they actually can feel themselves vulnerable. Tread lightly. –
