Q-What was your reaction when you found out your daughter Mikeil was pregnant?
A-I initially expected it. I had a gut feeling. She wanted an abortion at first. But I told her I don`t believe in abortions. I think that every person should have their chance to live; that every person that is born or conceived was meant to be. God controls everything, I feel. I`m just religious. I feel that the baby was supposed to be here.
Q-Did you think about the impact of a child on your daughter`s life?
A-Not at that particular moment. I`ve always explained to them-my girls especially-the impact of teenage motherhood. . .what it would do to your self- esteem. You feel that you have to accept second best, especially if the father is not around. In Mikeil`s case and in my case, it just happened that way.
Q-Did you tell your children about sex?
A-Not so much with Mikeil, because when I approached her, she didn`t want to hear it. That was when she was 11. Then in 1982, I went to prison. When I went to prison and was away from her, she couldn`t understand. She was a baby when I separated from her dad, so I had clung to her. It really had a big impact on her when I went away. Then my father died. That was somebody else taken away from her. And then LeRoy. There have been periods in her life when she`s had someone close just zapped away. I think the losses have bombarded her and given her negative feeling about herself.
Q-Why did you go to prison?
A-Welfare fraud. I think it affected Mikeil. I think that in some way she got pregnant as a way to hurt me, because she`s angry at me for going to prison. We haven`t talked about it, but I think the time will come.
Q-Would you say that your mother, Mikeil`s grandmother, has been one of the stabilizing influences in her life?
A-My mom is very stable. I lack stability and I realize that.
Q-Did your mother have children when she was young?
A-My mom had her first child when she was 15. By the time she was 21 she had four. But my mom was married. She was married to my dad for 47 years. She had nine kids altogether-the last when she was 42. By the time I was 17 I had two children.
Q-Why were you sexual so early?
A-I don`t know. When I came to Seattle, I was 13. So it was a big culture shock for me. I had gone to segregated schools and lived in segregated neighborhoods. In Seattle, I talked and dressed differently from everyone else and I suppose I just wanted to be a part of things because I felt like an outcast. At that age, your peers are very important to you. So, boys became more important to me than anything.
I also came from a dysfunctional family. My dad was an alcoholic and I played the role of the scapegoat child. My wall of defense was to become a drug abuser myself and an unwed mom. Boys became important because they made me feel needed, wanted, loved and petted.
My mother and I were not close at all. My two sisters died when they were young, so, I grew up primarily with my brothers and my dad. Men just became more significant in my life than females. So what can I say? The male rulership had been instilled in me.
Q-How do you break the cycle of teenage pregnancy, parenting and poverty among black women?
A-I think the best way to break the cycle is to raise your self-esteem.
Q-How do you do that?
A-I think the answer is counseling and education. They are the keys to breaking the cycle. I think you can raise your self-esteem if you face your feelings and try to deal with them. For example, I know I have low self-esteem and I think all my children do to a certain extent. I think that if we can just get on top of the situation and realize that we`re okay the way we are and get support for getting better, we`ll do okay.
We need more support from each other. We used to have family meetings and I want to get back into that. We need to praise one another and help each other find solutions to our problems.
People like myself, who`ve had the ups and downs-teenage pregnancy, teenage motherhood, drugs, prison, jails-we`re down as far as you can get. It takes us a little longer to stroke ourselves and rebuild our self-esteem.
I was watching a television show last night and they said something about being a parent that really made me start thinking. They said that in order for us to win our kids` love, we have to first win their respect. I think that over a period of years, my kids lost their respect for me. So it`s going to take some time to build it back up.
Q-Are you in a drug rehabiliation program or are you fully recovered?
A-No, I`m recovering. I think a person recovers for the rest of her life. Q-Mikeil said that teenagers aren`t concerned about pregnancy or AIDS. Why do you think that is?
A-It goes back to self-esteem. If you care about yourself, why wouldn`t you care about getting AIDS? I can understand those feelings. When so many other things have gone wrong in your life and you see no future, you really get to a point where you don`t care, you just give up.
Sometimes I feel like, ”Oh God, what`s the use of living?” Then, I think there are a lot of reasons and myself is one. Right now I`m really taking a good look at Wanda and what God has given me. If I use what He gives me, instead of those things that I`m not supposed to use, things will be okay.
