By popular demand, Saddam Hussein has replaced Adolf Hitler at Madame Tussaud`s Wax Museum as Britain`s most hated pooh-bah. Hussein, meanwhile (the real one, not the wax figure), reportedly has come out of the closet and admitted he keeps a girlfriend on the side. But Britain`s Tatler magazine says the Iraqi leader proclaimed in an interview: ”I am a virtuous man, compared to President Kennedy and President Bush.”
AND FURTHERMORE, SH`ZAM! Jim Nabors couldn`t contain himself when told he was getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Exclaimed the real-life Gomer Pyle: ”Go-oooollllll-ly!”
CAN DISCO REDEEM ITSELF? Next to Muzak, disco is the lowest form of entertainment. But what if it helps save some lives? A Tel Aviv band that calls itself Puncher is topping the charts in Israel. The Forward, a weekly Jewish journal, says Puncher`s latest hit is a ”danceable disco number” about preparing for an Iraqi chemical weapons attack. It is called ”Everybody`s Sealing.”
HEAD GAMES IN THE DESERT In addition to pent-up feelings, American troops in Saudi Arabia are keeping a lot of other stuff under their hats. Inside the helmet of Sgt. Gary Warsham is a photograph of his son`s teddy bear. Pvt. Christopher Bolnar used to carry a pair of his girlfriend`s underwear but sent them back. ”It was just too much,” he said. James Alexander keeps five aces of spades in his headgear-to place on the bodies of Iraqis he kills. And some soldiers carry photos of scantily clad women. ”You can trade them with the French for meals,” said one GI who is sick of the Army`s meals in a pouch.
A JOB FOR BART-MAN? Have we got just the perfect job for Bart Simpson. The position for the bratty ”underachiever and proud of it” is on the public relations staff of the Johns Hopkins Medical Institutions. In a news release to newspaper science writers about methods to deal with adolescents` various frustrations, a Hopkins PR spokeswoman quotes a psychologist as saying, ”Children learn attitudes and morays from their parents.” In which case, parents, our clinical advice is: ”Don`t have a cow, or a moray eel, man!”
HE`S TAKING A POUNDING Although President Bush has vowed ”life goes on,” despite the hostilities in the gulf, White House press secretary Marlin Fitzwater is busting a gut over the war. ”Saddam Hussein has two victims,” Fitzwater told People magazine, ”the U.S. and my waistline.”
INDIGESTION IN MARYLAND Things are just peachy-as in impeach-on Maryland`s Eastern Shore. Gov. William Donald Schaefer, who in the past has called residents of the largely rural area ”narrow-minded, cynical, clannish, unworldly, afraid of change and unsure of themselves,” has outdone himself this time. On Friday, he asked
(but in jest, he says) a group of legislators: ”How`s that (bleep)-house of an Eastern Shore?” The governor`s mailbox is overflowing with answers to his question: angry letters, toilet paper and corncobs.
A NEIGHBORLY PRESIDENT The toymaker Playskool polled pre-schoolers about who should be our next president. The overwhelming choice, not at all surprising, was Mr. Rogers. Although the youngsters weren`t asked for advice on a running mate, may we suggest Mr. (”speedy delivery”) McFeeley, who is to the neighborhood of make -believe what Dan Quayle is to Washington. On a separate question, 94 percent of the little Americans polled by Playskool didn`t know how long a president serves. Their answers were better: ”Until he dies,” ”Until he gets bad,” ”All day long” and ”70 hundred million years.”
