Some movies are so bad, they`re kind of good. ”Plan 9 From Outer Space,” ”The Return of Superfly” and almost any kung fu movie on Samurai Sunday are examples of movies that fall into this category-but everybody has their own favorites. These are movies that are so crummy, so stupid that you can`t help having fun watching them. I think Michael Lehmann, the director of ”Heathers,” was trying to create one of these movies when he put out his latest film, ”Meet the Applegates.” If that was his plan, he failed miserably. ”Meet the Applegates” isn`t stupid enough to be entertaining-it`s just stupid enough to be annoying.
I actually thought I was going to like this movie. The story of a family of huge Amazonian beetles who move to Midwestern suburbia to disguise themselves as a typical family seemed kind of amusing at first. And I assumed that the creator of ”Heathers,” if anyone, would be able to pull it off. Instead, ”Meet the Applegates” comes off as a cheesy series of disgusting scenes in which huge insects expel goo and Dabney Coleman runs around dressed like a woman. That, to me, put the last nail in the Applegates` coffin. Any movie in which the most amusing scenes involve Dabney Coleman in drag should never have been released.
Sure, a lot of the kids who loved ”Heathers” will go to see ”Meet the Applegates,” despite the bad reviews. But if I can save one person out there from subjecting himself or herself to this movie`s boredom, my suffering will have been worthwhile. Go see anything-rent ”Bruce Lee the Invincible,” watch reruns of ”The Fall Guy” or just stare at a wall for 102 minutes-but don`t bother yourself with meeting the Applegates. One-half star
