We moved to Hollywood because my sister, who was an actress, thought she could get into the studios. She didn`t, but I did, in a way.
Not as a movie actor. It was just that some of my pals and I learned that there was no place in the world more fun than the back lot of a movie studio. So we visited a few of them. Mostly the Goldwyn Studio because a buddy`s, Bob Van Daam`s, house bordered the Goldwyn back lot.
Dropping out of the Van Daam apple tree onto the studio side of the fence put us in the Philippines during the days of the Moro Uprising. The set was for a movie called ”The Real Glory,” and besides the pretend danger from the dramatized Moros, we had the spice of some real danger to contend with-the studio guards. They never caught us, though; I was years coming to the realization that they probably didn`t really want to.
The modern era
A month ago daughter Catherine advised us that our son-in-law, Chris, who`s an astronomer, had been invited to take her along on a cruise. The trip would be in exchange for a series of lectures on an eclipse of the sun the passengers would be seeing on the voyage. But the real good news was that Ben, our grandson, would be spending that week with us.
”Wouldn`t it be fun,” I asked my wife, ”to take him to a movie studio?”
”At 3 1/2 years old?” she said. ”Oh, sure. And maybe the next day you and he could go shoot some pool.”
”Well he might be a little young for pool . . .” I said.
”And maybe you two could work in a Dodger game?” Lovely girl, my wife, but once in a while she can sure put a damper on things.
”Well,” I said. ”I see pictures all the time of people on tour at Universal Studios and they always seem to have their children with them.”
”Hmm,” she said.
”I`ll check it out,” I said, thinking she was probably right and that I probably wouldn`t.
She said ”Hmm,” again and followed it up with, ”Sure you will.”
Okay, so now I had to do it, right?
The show began in 1845
So I went to Universal Studios. It`s in the San Fernando Valley, actually on the back side of Mt. Lee. That`s the one with the big ”Hollywood” sign on it.
About 146 years ago-on Feb. 20, 1845, to be exact-American mountain men sat about where Universal Studios now stands, with their rifles across their laps and watched the famous battle of Cahuenga. On the valley floor, below hundreds of Californios (American settlers) battled with factions of the Mexican army.
History says it was a whale of a show, lasting all of Feb. 20 and most of Feb. 21.
The battle was called off when a horse was killed and a mule stepped in a gopher hole and broke his leg. There were no other injuries on either side, but it was a rotten day for the horse and only a little less rotten for the mule.
About 80 years later a man named Carl Laemmle established a moving picture studio on the site and called it Universal Studios Hollywood. The name wasn`t accurate. The studio wasn`t in Hollywood, certainly wasn`t universal and should have been singular because it was only one building, but Laemmle liked to think big.
Big nickels, big dimes
In 1964 studio management, still thinking big, decided to start letting the public tour the property. ”Hey, a little additional income,” said the bean counters.
”Nickels and dimes,” said studio management.
”But it couldn`t hurt,” said the bean counters.
It really didn`t hurt. Since 1964, 65 million people have toured the studio. Those visitors may have provided an economic pad that allowed the studio to be a little more adventurous, take a few more chances than some of the others.
The magic is still working. I got there at 10:30 in the morning, a half hour after the box office opened and the crowds were already streaming in. Admission for all day is $24.50 and includes everything but the food. (If you`re under 12 or over 60 they charge $19. Children 3 and under get in free.) Fun from the start
If visiting Universal isn`t quite the same as dropping out of Van Daam`s apple tree, it`s pretty close. It starts feeling ”fun” the moment you walk through the gate. Just about everywhere you look, there`s something familiar. ”Hey,” said a young father in walking shorts and a baseball cap,
”didn`t John Dillinger get shot right about there?”
”Don`t be silly,” said the woman with him. ”That`s Jessica Fletcher`s beauty parlor. They wouldn`t put them in the same block.” I felt like telling them ”Oh, yes, they would,” but I didn`t.
A little girl dropped her ice cream and immediately wailed, ”I dropped my ice cream comb!” A middle-aged man in the party with her said, ”She shouldn`t have even had it yet. The sun ain`t over the yardarm.”
The big bird appears
Just then, a giant woodpecker with a red crest appeared. The ice cream was forgotten and the little girl`s tears changed to squeals of delight as she and Woody Woodpecker exchanged handshakes, hugs then kisses and ”high-fives.”
When you see a woodpecker 5 feet tall at a place like Universal, it`s a pretty safe bet he`s not real. But to the kids he was.
I sat on a bench under an oak tree and watched for a few minutes.
Children flocked to Woody and they all laughed and hugged and gave high fives. There was a lot of posing for pictures and it seemed like every child, regardless of age or nationality, knew Woody.
One Japanese family posed for a photograph and the nearly toothless patriarch grinned as broadly as the children as they waited for the camera to click. He then bowed formally and said thanks. The woodpecker returned the bow.
During the 15 minutes I watched, one little boy jumped on Woody`s foot and a child in pigtails did a little shin-kicking. The only reaction each time was that Woody mimed crying until the child went away. He never stopped reacting to the children and never fell out of character. A very cool woodpecker.
The food front
Since I was checking out things for the projected visit of a very important person I thought I should not overlook the comestibles. Besides, even though I was on a diet, I reasoned, it wouldn`t hurt to take a little sustenance.
The ice cream cone tasted just the way they did when I was a child, which didn`t surprise me because I bought it in a place that looked just like the one where I`d bought ice cream as a child. Even got it all over myself the way I used to as a child.
By noon I`d walked a mile and been down the second longest People Mover in the world. Its an escalator that goes a quarter mile down the mountainside. The word is that one in Hong Kong is 3 feet longer. Big deal.
On one of the big stages there`s audience participation that`s a real winner. You can play a part in ”Back to The Future” and drive the time-machine car. Or you can be photographed in some of Alfred Hitchcock`s special effects.
In the ”Harry and the Hendersons” Sound Effects Show, they call kids from the audience to help with the sound effects. And when Harry himself, in his 7 feet of hairy glory, shows up to surprise ”the cast,” everybody has fun, even the actors.
No barbarians
I skipped the ”Conan the Barbarian” Show. I didn`t think my grandson would be too interested in watching handsome male bodybuilders wielding broadswords to save breathtakingly beautiful lady bodybuilders running around in their skivvies. I have come to regard the omission as a major flaw in my investigation, but there was just too much to do.
But I did take the Tram Ride, even though I suspect 3-year-olds don`t need to experience a manmade 8.3 (on the Richter scale) earthquake, a flash flood, a shark attack or a ”close-up-and-personal” with a 30-foot gorilla, who seemed more than a little out of sorts.
That King Kong had just been dry-cleaned was no inducement, though I would like to have seen the face on the man at the cleaners when they brought in a 30-foot ape, slapped it on the counter and asked to have it back by Thursday.
In the early afternoon, besides meeting a fun mouse named Fievel, a French girl (circa 1880) and the Frankenstein monster, I talked with one of the security guards about my situation.
Kid-oriented
”Little kids?” he said. ”They`ve got it best of all. Ride in a stroller. Bring your own or use ours. We got hundreds of them; all you gotta do is ask. For little kids, you got your `An American Tail` Show, your Fievel`s Playland, Animal Actors Stage. More than 60 animals in that show.
`World of Cinemagic.` ”
He moved a little closer: ”And this is big. This is stupendous! I mean but colossal! Trust me, I been with the studios a long time, . . . ”
”I never would have guessed,” I said.
”E.T. is coming,” he said. ”Forty million bucks, with E.T. on the biggest sound stage in the world. An adventure and a ride. Old people, little- ones, everybody loves E.T.
”Then you got your Famous Amos, the Fudge Kitchen and the street shows. Like the Blues Brothers. It`s noisy and the actors move around a lot. Kids love it.”
”Fudge Kitchen, you say?”
”Right,” he said. ”Go down here, turn left at the pretty French girl. You`ll see a sign says `free samples` . . . ”
I was late for dinner, which didn`t bother me much because I wasn`t too hungry. Joyce listened patiently to my report.
The verdict
”I think you had a good time,” she said.
”Well, yeah,” I said.
”But I don`t think you could handle it alone with Ben. I wonder if maybe Annette and Mel would like to come along. We could all make a day of it, bring their grandchild, little Tara. What do you think?”
”Tara, huh? Ben`s 3 1/2,” I said. ”If he wants to bring a date, I say why not?”
