”Be nice” might be appropriate advice in some social situations, but does the often-automatic desire to be polite prevent working women from getting ahead in their careers?
If ”nice” is defined as not arguing with people, challenging them or being aggressive, then the answer is yes, says Amanda Smith, a Durham, N.C., management consultant who conducts seminars on gender issues. ”It`s not useful for women or men to not be assertive. A pushover won`t do well in any field.”
If you define this four-letter word differently, as many successful women do, then the answer is no.
”Nice doesn`t mean not being hard-nosed or realistic about what needs to be accomplished or compromising on the goals of the business,” says Carroll Cradock, psychologist and director of the Child and Adolescent Program at Ravenswood Hospital Community Mental Health Center. ”The issue is to not avoid the issue just to be `nice.”`
For Ruth Barrett, director of the Midwest regional office of Amnesty International, being nice is a matter of respect and the Golden Rule.
”You may be aggressive and assertive even to the point of not being polite, but you can be (that way) and still operate in a manner of having respect for people,” she says.
A worker can be conscious of others` feelings and still display toughness needed to get the job done, says Susan Davis, president of Capital Missions, a consulting firm for public interest businesses, and founder of the Committee of 200, a nationwide women`s business network. Being nice can mean ”finding a solution that works for everyone.”
While this redefinition of ”nice” includes displaying traditional male traits of assertiveness and willingness to disagree, it is tempered with a concern for others, a stereotypically female characteristic.
The traditional view of aggressiveness valued in the work place ”was tromping on people,” Smith says. ”Assertiveness is saying what you mean by not tromping on people.”
A manager who is empathetic can contribute to a comfortable and productive work atmosphere, Cradock says: ”Women are very straightforward and competitive in a personal sense, not at the expense of others. They are very sensitive to issues of loss of face and take that into account when resolving conflicts. People are less likely to feel defeated and more like a partner in the resolution process.”
The all-female staff of the Midwest regional office of Amnesty International embodies this way of doing business. The staff meets once a week as a way of keeping employees at all levels informed about projects. Barrett also consults individually with people each week.
”The style we have of a team that meets often and consults with each other has been very, very successful for us,” Barrett says. ”Thinking and sharing from early on, from the conception of an idea, is so amazingly valuable. But you have to have a strong enough ego to listen to what people have to say about your idea.”
According to ”The Competitive Edge” (Plume, $8.95), a forthcoming book by Hall of Fame quarterback Fran Tarkenton and Joseph H. Boyett, a management consultant in Atlanta, Ga., many businesses fail because ”the owner/manager insisted on running the business `his way` or `her way.` They failed to get their people involved. They tried to make all the decisions themselves.”
A more inclusive, less hierarchical approach is more popular today in a work place where women play an increasingly important role, but it is not strictly influenced by female workers. This work style flourishes in Japan, where nearly all managers are male, Smith says.
And it is espoused by Tarkenton and Boyett in their book, which is expected to be published in October: ”Today, most people want a lot more from their job than just a paycheck. Most want respect, to be listened to, to feel a part of the business, to feel as if they are accomplishing something of importance with the work they do.”
The book`s list of attributes of the most effective leaders resemble the qualities of being ”nice” as redefined by successful women. They include being positive, believing in teamwork and being honest and fair in dealings with employees.
Tarkenton and Boyett also promote brainstorming and group problem-solving as effective management tools.
LIFELINES
Women in Charge
”Women in Charge,” an advocacy and networking organization for women managers in non-profit organizations, offers management workshops and seminars. For more information call Betse Thielman, 312-435-3925.
Assertiveness classes
Ravenswood Community Mental Health Center offers a summer series of regular one-evening workshops and classes on issues such as self-esteem and stress management. Cost is $3 ($2 for full-time students and seniors). Call 312-878-4300.
Health resources
Women`s Health Resources offers programs on assertiveness, self-esteem and other women`s health issues throughout the year. Call Nancy Kern at 312-525-1177.
For young executives
Young Executives Club, a networking organization, conducts luncheon meetings featuring speakers in a variety of fields. For membership details:
312-853-0186.
Suggested reading
”The Female Advantage, Women`s Ways of Leadership,” by Sally Helgesen
(Doubleday, $19.95); ”Men and Women of the Corporation,” by Rosabeth Moss Kanter (Basic Paperback, $13.95).
