Some human resources consultants contend that accepting emotions is all well and good-but expressing them is something else again.
”Crying is not seen as effective communication,” said Ted Bartlett, a licensed psychologist in Orlando, Fla., who, with a partner, ran an employee assistance program for 10 years.
”Within the assertiveness-training mode,” said Bartlett, ”breaking down and crying is an excess. It becomes destructive communication.”
Anger is best expressed directly to the source and in a steady voice, Bartlett and others say.
”To say ,`I`m very unhappy` or `This is very disturbing` or `I may consider taking some serious recourse to what you have indicated` is very appropriate,” said Bartlett.
Jeanne M. Plas and Kathleen V. Hoover-Dempsey authors of ”Working Up a Storm” (Ivy Book, $4.95), characterize this approach as ”straight shooting.” But they also describe anger styles that include such behavior as slowing down the work pace, cutting a conversation short by leaving or ranting and raving to a spouse or friend about a work incident.
Don`t get mad, get frustrated
Morris Sullivan, owner of Rational Performance Management in Orlando, has read ”Working Up a Storm.”
”One of the things I found problematic about the book was that it doesn`t really tell you what to do about emotions,” he said. ”It says, learn what the patterns of anger are and pick one that works best for you.”
Instead, he says, individuals should develop new ways of thinking so that they won`t respond to work situations with full-blown anger or tears in the first place. ”Anger is, `I don`t like what you`re doing and you should be punished for it because you`re a bad person.`
”Frustration says only, `I don`t like what you`re doing and I`d better find some other way of getting what I want.”`
