John Martin of Barrington works in purchasing for a defense contractor. He is also one of the few male volunteers that the Hospice of Northeastern Illinois counts among its numbers. He joined with his wife, Teddi, at one of the first training classes about six years ago.
”Our society is uncomfortable talking about death,” says Martin. ”We avoid people because we don`t know what to say. It`s not hard. The best thing is to ask, `How do you feel? How are you doing?` ”
Martin volunteered initially because he suspected there would be few men in the volunteer corps and he wanted to help out. As most volunteers will tell you, the benefits of volunteering soon outweigh the time invested.
”My parents are older, and they are going to face that soon. It helps me come to grips with their passing, and in a sense, maybe my own.
”I never knew how painful cancer was until I was with some of the patients. Just by being there, you help if you do nothing more than hold a person`s hand and talk them through the pain or read to them from a book.
”When you talk to them about their lives, basically you find out there are a lot of courageous people out there. It`s a quiet courageousness you don`t hear about often. It has been uplifting for me personally, watching people quietly face the inevitable.”
Some of Martin`s patients have survived for a matter of weeks. His wife visited one patient for almost a year. ”There is a special type of bonding that happens between a patient and volunteer,” says Martin. ”When they die, you treat it like a member of your own family passes away.”
Yet he stresses the positive aspects of the relationships. ”There is a reward to the individual you can`t put into words, helping someone who desperately needs it. It`s something free-just your time-but to them it is so precious.”
