When I was in elementary school, I loved Valentine`s Day because it was a simple way to tally up my friends. Friends could be added and subtracted precisely by the number and type of valentines I received. My favorites were the homemade, heart-shaped almost rhymes:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Marianne is a tub of lard,
But I don`t think you are.
Your friend,
Jerry.”
Or:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
If I had a dead rat,
I`d give it to you.
Your friend,
Billy.”
Other valentine messages skipped the set-up and got right to the point, but often failed to provide enough information to close the deal:
Be mine, Valentine,
Your friend,
Guess Who?”
I know now that what I loved about Valentine`s Day was its innocence and its honesty-kids don`t know about subtlety or ”sending signals.” Kids either like each other or they don`t, and Valentine`s Day was the day to put your stake in the ground, one way or the other. It was also a day to get even. And that, too, was innocent and honest because the message was clear and clearly meant to wound. The kid I pushed out of the swing in the 3d grade retaliated like this:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You`re rotten mean
And I hate you.
Lulu.
But like everything having to do with affairs of the heart, Valentine`s Day got more complicated as I got older. In high school, it was no longer a simple matter to send a boy a valentine for fear its message would be taken literally, or worse, not taken at all. The only safe thing to do was send valentines to girlfriends and/or a steady boyfriend. In college, of course, we were far too sophisticated to ever tell anyone we liked him, and too chicken to ever tell anyone that we didn`t like him.
Then marriage made Valentine`s Day simple again. I always knew what to expect from Spike-chocolates, roses and a sweet card: ”For My Wife on Valentine`s Day.” Then I would be taken out to dinner. Spike would try to act cool despite the fact that his underwear was plastered with hearts and cupids and I would try not to laugh.
While Valentine`s Day was probably the only thing that didn`t contribute to our divorce, this annual salutation to love wasn`t enough to save it, either. I missed Spike a lot on the first Valentine`s Day after our divorce. At least I was missing him a lot until the mailman presented me with Spike`s first in a continuing valentine series bearing this message: ”You`re No Longer Mine, But I`m Doing Just Fine.”
As time passed, I began to think that, as an adult single person, Valentine`s Day was just a combination of high school and college-too grown up to send valentines to girlfriends and still risky to send valentines to less than serious boyfriends.
But the `80s and early `90s have confused everyone-men going from macho to sensitive and back again; women going from career track to mommy track to off-track. Valentines now can be found to express just about any sentiment for any relationship.
Just this week I got a valentine with a timely message from Rocky, my stockbroker friend:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
We`re in a recession,
Ye I`ll be just fine
As long as you`re my Valentine.”
Spike`s valentine came the same day, with his own version of a contemporary message: ”For My First Ex-Wife on Valentine`s Day.
