Arnold Schwarzenegger-Hollywood`s version of the 500-pound gorilla, in that he can do just about anything he wants to do-makes his feature film directorial debut with a sweet-as-fruitcake item called ”Christmas in Connecticut,” a refashioning of the 1945 original, itself an airy seasonal morsel with Barbara Stanwyck and Dennis Morgan.
In this Turner Network Television original, the story-don`t ask me why a Christmas movie is premiering in April-has been updated, with Dyan Cannon playing a Martha Stewart-like TV homemaker.
Problems arise when her producer (Tony Curtis) decides to invite a heroic forest ranger (Kris Kristofferson), and the TV cameras, to spend Christmas holidays with Cannon and her family.
There is no family-its members are hired actors and friends-and Cannon is about as handy in the kitchen as a snowman.
Given this story, there is much that could be made about the manipulative and false images purveyed by television. But the film is more aggressively devoted to slapstick and farce than to commentary. The characters behave with the frenzy of mice in a maze.
But so confident is Schwarzenegger that he can pull this off that he finds time to insert a private joke into the mayhem, when a character says, mocking Arnold`s ”Terminator” line, ”I`ll be back.”
This sort of shtick implies a cavalier attitude, as in ”Direct a movie?
No problem.” It also represents alarming, dangerous overconfidence.
Schwarzenegger, whose previous directorial experience consists of one
”Tales From the Crypt” episode, doesn`t fall flat on his viewfinder. But he doesn`t distinguish himself, unless eliciting some of the hammiest performances on record is worthy of honor.
Cannon and Kristofferson look terrific, as if they`ve just walked out of a face-lifting salon.
Cannon, as always, is cutely capable with comedy.
Kristofferson, on the other hand, is lousy. He`s supposed to be the strong, silent type, but he`s so stiff that he makes the faces on Mt. Rushmore look like the Marx brothers.
Curtis, neatly bewigged, also looks good, and seems to have the most fun frolicking in the froth of the story. I guess he`s just glad to be working.
The supporting players are misfits from an overacting class, none more gratingly so than David Arnott. Billed as ”Crazed Director,” he so painfully mugs and yelps that you`ll wonder what sort of hapless director could have indulged, let alone encouraged, such shrill behavior.
”CHRISTMAS IN CONNECTICUT”
A TNT movie presentation. Executive producer is Stanley M. Brooks;
produced by Cyrus Yavneh, directed by Arnold Schwarzenegger and written by Janet Brownell, from the screenplay by Lionel Houser and Adele Comandini, which was based on the story by Aileen Hamilton. With Dyan Cannon, Kris Kristofferson, Tony Curtis, Richard Roundtree and Kelly Cinnante. Airing at 7 and 9 p.m. Monday, 11 p.m. Tuesday and other dates on TNT cable network.
– ”The Moon Blob Song” is the name of the repeat episode of ”This Week in Joe`s Basement” (10 p.m. Monday, cable`s Channel 19 in Chicago), the bright light of local cable access.
The show`s thrust is a series of striking monologues. In ”Angel Hair,”
Juan Luco explores his feelings of being a ”spic, out of place in the suburbs.”
In ”Glitch Shift,” Therese Sherman talks of self-esteem so diminished that she sees acting and prostitution as equally viable careers. ”Widening Taps” has Ed Russell admitting to gay bashing and auto theft and, in ”Love Gun,” John Harriman recounts a male prostitute`s night with an older woman.
There are also two songs in the show, paeans to the children`s toy of the show`s title; Hyde Parkers reading instructions for making the toy; and a Ghostbusters doll that speaks. But it`s the monologues that will linger in memory.
In its three years on the air, ”This Week in Joe`s Basement” has achieved a solid slice of notoriety.
It has been featured on such mainstream TV shows as ”Today” and has received ink in this paper and others. The show`s host, Joe Winston, was even called upon to interview Mike Myers, the host of the fictional ”Wayne`s World,” for the Tribune.
All of this attention is unlikely to land ”This Week . . .” a slot on commercial television. In many ways it may work to diminish the show`s substance, making it appear a novelty.
But if you watch this show with any regularity, you will realize that for all their occasional indulgence, Winston and his pals are trying to intellectually provoke and engage. That`s a rare thing for television. An admirable thing.
– If you are as tired as I am of the increasingly repetitive routines on the standup shows that pepper the cable airwaves, you`ll find a refreshingly funny alternative in ”Whose Line Is It Anyway?” the Comedy Central series that last week unveiled a new season of 13 episodes.
Airing at 10:30 a.m. and 5 p.m. Mondays on the cable network, the show is a 30-minute improvisational games competition in which four performers try to build stories and characters based on audience suggestions.
They use some props but mostly their own wits. It`s tense and risky, but always spontaneous, mostly rewarding and often hilarious.
