The man was perched precariously on the next stool.
”Sweeps,” he said, staring into his beer. ”Not another sweeps!”
Take it easy.
”I`m not sure I can handle it,” he said. ”Not again.”
You`ll survive. You always do.
”Why does it bother me so much?” he said. ”Why do I care?”
Because the May sweeps-Arbitron`s are Wednesday through May 19, Nielsen`s Thursday through May 20-are one of the four yearly periods when local stations set their advertising rates. The networks do all they can to gather big audiences. They`ll try any trick to get you.
”They do it with all those pretty faces,” he said. ”And I`m weak.”
Are you talking about Barbara Hershey as a cradle-robbing floozy in
”Stay the Night” (8 p.m. Sunday and Monday, ABC-Ch. 7); Kyra Sedgwick as a woman trying to hide her heritage in ”Miss Rose White” (8 p.m. Sunday, NBC-Ch. 5); Teri Garr as a hostage in ”Deliver Them From Evil: The Taking of Alta View” (8 p.m. Tuesday, CBS-Ch. 2); Veronica Hamel in ”Baby Snatcher”
(May 3 on CBS); Cybill Shepherd as a private eye in ”Stormy Weathers”
(May 4 on ABC); Farrah Fawcett as a lawyer in ”Criminal Behavior” (May 6 on NBC); Donna Mills seeking vengeance in ”In My Daughter`s Name” (May 10 on CBS); Stephanie Zimbalist as a victim of sexual harassment in ”Sexual Advances” (May 11 on ABC); Elizabeth Montgomery seeking justice in ”With Murder in Mind” (May 12 on CBS); Lindsay Frost as the title character in
”Calendar Girl, Cop, Killer? The Bambi Bembenek Story” (May 18 on ABC)?
”Yes, who can resist all that beauty, especially when most of them are in jeopardy?” he said.
There`s also double jeopardy: two movies based on the same true kid-who-tries-to-kill-his-mother tale: ”Honor Thy Mother” (8 p.m. Sunday on CBS)
with Sharon Gless, and ”Cruel Doubt” (May 17 and 19 on NBC) with Blythe Danner.
”Oh, brother,” he said.
There are still some guys around: Richard Crenna as a psychiatrist mixed up with UFOs in ”Intruders” (May 17 and 19, CBS); the fifth ”In the Line of Duty” movie (May 11 on NBC), with Ray Sharkey, Mario Van Peebles and Peter Boyle; Peter Strauss as a lawyer with two nasty murder cases in ”Trial: The Price of Passion” (May 3 and 4 on NBC); Scott Bakula as a cop who fights the death penalty in ”In the Shadow of a Killer” (8 p.m. Monday on NBC); and
”Perry Mason: The Case of the Reckless Romeo” (May 5 on NBC), with the familiar gang and Geraldo Rivera. He gets ”killed.”
”Now, that`s a step in the right direction,” said the man on the bar stool.
Rivera`s not the only one getting the ax. On Saturday, three venerable series make their swan songs on ABC. At 7 p.m. ”Who`s the Boss?” ends its eight-year run; at 8 p.m. ”Growing Pains” calls it quits after seven years; and at 9 p.m., ”MacGyver” folds up his Swiss Army knife for keeps.
”Good riddance,” he said, ”though I used to like `MacGyver.` ”
What about ”The Cosby Show”?
”That`s over too?” he said.
At 7 p.m. May 7 on NBC.
And on NBC May 9, you can kiss ”The Golden Girls” goodbye.
”All those out-of-work people,” he said. ”I feel sorry for them.”
Don`t worry. Some of the Cosby kids are moving into new series, and Cos himself will host a new version of ”You Bet Your Life.” And some of the golden girls are moving to CBS to run a hotel on ”Golden Palace.”
”That`s what I have to look forward to next year?” he said.
What do you want? To live in the past? Then how about ”American Bandstand 40th Anniversary Special” (May 20 on ABC)?
”Not interested,” he said.
How about ”The Best of Barbara Walters” (May 19 on ABC)?
”Too much crying,” he said.
Then give ”Oprah: Behind the Scenes” (also May 19 on ABC) a try. She interviews Meryl Streep, Dustin Hoffman, Goldie Hawn, Michael Bolton.
”Who`s Michael Bolton?”
You`re awfully hard to satisfy.
”Shouldn`t all viewers be?”
And I haven`t even mentioned the Delta Burke movie, or that ”Married … With Children” is going to London for three episodes, or …
”Stop,” the man shouted. ”You are so cruel.”
… Or Robert Conrad in a new movie, or an hourlong episode of ”A Different World,” or …
”Stop!” he screamed.
.. Or Michael Jackson`s latest video, or …
”Stop it!”
… Brian Dennehy as John Wayne Gacy in ”To Catch a Killer” (May 18 and 19, WGN-Ch. 9) or …
At that, the man lurched from his stool and ran screaming into the street.
