What happens when a parent suddenly finds his child has a personality conflict with a teacher, or believes his child is being disciplined unfairly at school, or that he may be having trouble adjusting socially with his peers in the classroom?
Many parents are stymied. They don`t know how to complain or who should be hearing their complaints. They fear repercussions for the child. And they don`t know what their rights are.
Understanding rights begins with understanding that schools are a basic form of democratic government, said Ben Wolf, an attorney who specializes in issues regarding children`s rights for the Chicago office of the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU).
”People tend to think that a large bureaucracy must know what it`s doing and has all the power at its side,” said Wolf. ”But people should assert their rights. Democracy works. You can stand up. The worst thing to do, if you think something is unfair in your school, is to sit back and do nothing.”
Many parents of children with special needs have learned through support groups just what their rights are and the intricacies of demanding quality education for their children.
Schools don`t usually volunteer this information, said Anne Felts of Glen Ellyn, former leader of a parent support group for children with attention deficit disorder.
”They love to say they`re concerned with all students,” agreed Judy Swanson of Naperville, who gives workshops for parents on their rights, ”but I have sensed there`s a real reluctance on the part of some administrators to really sit down and explain the nitty gritty.”
And it`s just that sort of attitude that isolates and intimidates parents, she said.
Many parents hesitate to make any waves for several reasons. First of all, some fear retaliation against their child, said Swanson.
Tom Scullen, superintendent of Indian Prairie Community School District 204, thinks parents fear retaliation because they feel they aren`t helping the child by complaining.
”The only way to break down that barrier,” he said, ”is to get to know people better so that you can discuss problems more openly. Schools have to do a much better job of listening to parents. It`s a problem that constantly has to be worked on.”
And then parents sometimes get the feeling that teachers and administrators think the parents aren`t doing enough at home.
”More often than not, it comes around to that,” said Swanson. ”They start suggesting a child get tutoring at home, ask about their diet, do they have allergies, get enough sleep?”
Another school of thought suggests that parents by their actions are the source for children with problems, said Tom Phelan, a Glen Ellyn clinical psychologist who gives workshops on behavior disorder and discipline problems. This then can lead to guilt feelings in the parents, which leads to defensive behavior and ultimately confirms the schools` opinions in the first place, he said.
”There`s a natural tendency,” responded Scullen, ”when something isn`t working, for the school to blame the parent and the parent to blame the school. Unless the parent and the school see the problem in the same vein, you`re not going to come up with a resolution. There has to be borderline trust.”
Complicating the situation are some educators who alienate parents by talking in education jargon, said Camille Jones, codirector of West Suburban Education Associates, a private diagnostic and tutoring clinic in Naperville. ”They can use such technical terms that they blow parents away. They don`t even know what to ask.”
In addition, Swanson said schools send mixed signals to parents. They want parents involved in things such as bake sales, booster clubs and other activities, but then freeze parents out on important issues, Swanson said.
”We`re trying to change that,” said Scullen. ”We`re trying to get more parent involvement on things such as curriculum, so they`re not just handing out cookies. The net result is a better program.”
While there are those who are willing to speak up when they feel shut out of the system, many parents were brought up not to challenge authority.
”Many people are traditionally led to believe you don`t question the system and many still hold true to that idea,” said Joann Mosier, who leads a local chapter for parents of children with attention deficit disorder in Naperville.
So, if a parent does decide to confront a school problem, where does he start? Most experts say with the classroom teacher.
”I have found most of the time teachers` intentions are good,” said Jones.
They can get frustrated, though, she said, if they`re trying to help a child and just don`t know how to reach him.
But, if a teacher isn`t responsive, the next step is the principal, said Jim Johnson, school evaluation specialist with the state board of education. If that doesn`t work, proceed up the administrative ladder, he said.
Felt recommends that the special education teacher for a district is often a wonderful source for help in solving problems.
The kinds of things parents can ask for include everything from having an extra set of textbooks at home (for the disorganized child who often forgets to bring his home) to regular monitoring and reports on a child`s progress. Also, parents have the right to ask for specific teachers, or to have a child transferred to a different school if social adjustment problems develop.
Asking for something, however, doesn`t always mean a parent will get it.
”The public school is by no means a perfect system. There are still people who go in and ask for things and are still not given them,” said Mosier. ”It often depends on how far you want to push it.”
Discipline is another area where parents often feel their hands are tied, but Jones said there`s often room for discussion here, too.
”If a parent strongly disagrees with some form of discipline, then it absolutely is their right and their responsibility to understand what`s going on.
”A child who is spending a lot of time in the principal`s office is not the principal`s problem, it`s all our problem,” Jones said.
A major drawback of schools today, said Swanson, is that so much of the curriculum and types of learning methods are college preparatory. But not all children learn the same way or plan to go to college. And many students have trouble learning this traditional way.
”It`s the subtle kinds of problems that are the ones that are often overlooked. Children look normal,” said Felt, ”but they just aren`t succeeding the way you expect.”
Parent intervention in insisting that a child gets the type of instruction he needs can help every child to succeed in school.
”It`s fabulous when it works and everybody keeps their eye on the goal,” said Jones. ”If it doesn`t work, it`s usually because somebody has let their ego or fears or own agenda get in the way and has somehow obscured the goal, which is to come up with a way of educating the child.”
To be sure that happens, say the experts, stand up for your rights as a parent and stand up for your child.
”People should feel like they can look for a better option, if things aren`t working,” said Scullen.
”We tell parents to be their children`s advocate, because no one else will,” said Mosier.
