A bartender who shall remain anonymous working at an establishment that need not be named looked across the room with rather sad eyes.
”You`re from Chicago?” he asks of a patron whose identity is none of your business, either.
The answer from the mystery guest, affirmative.
”Well, tell me, what happened to your players?” he goes on. ”They don`t go out anymore at night.”
It`s summer, it`s training camp, it`s the Bears, and this lovely college town is ready. The closest professional football teams are far away, the Green Bay Packers on the other side of Wisconsin and the Iowa Hawkeyes in an adjoining state. The NFL lawsuit matters nil, Olympic pelota preliminaries aren`t discussed along Main Street and supermarkets aren`t selling many of those tabloids with the headline about a space alien endorsing Bill Clinton.
Everything is Bears, Bears, Bears. Banners welcome them again. Illinois license plates flood the area again. And if any of them fail to yield right of way to an oncoming tractor, Platteville`s police are ready to serve again. As is the man at the local watering hole, where Bears of yore used to quench their thirsts-before, during and after curfew. But, apparently, that was then and now is now. The Monsters of the Midway don`t forget to sleep here anymore. It`s X`s and O`s and a lot of Zzzs. Men at work. Do not disturb.
”If you attribute this to me, I`ll tell you the atmosphere is very serious and it`s very good,” says a Bears veteran. ”In fact, even if you don`t attribute this to me, I better tell you the atmosphere is very serious and very good.”
As you might recall, the Bears excused themselves from the playoffs early last January. They lost to the Dallas Cowboys after failing to score despite numerous forays into the so-called ”red zone,” which is supposed to be touchdown territory. Mike Ditka, the head coach trying to scratch his seven-year itch for another Super Bowl, thought about it during the ensuing months and arrived at training camp in ill humor. Back to basics is the theme, and hold the Budweiser.
There will be an intrasquad scrimmage Saturday, and not until Aug. 10 at Soldier Field will the Bears engage in their first exhibition game. Sorry, we`re to call it a preseason game. Until then, the only red zone his athletes are to avoid is in the cafeteria, where food is color-coded according to nutritional value. Blue and yellow are healthy, red is doused in cholesterol, fat and sin and therefore positioned within arm`s reach of the press table.
Then there is The Book that Ditka has thrown at his players. The list of fines would frighten anyone into becoming an altar boy. Tardiness, hedonism and insubordination aren`t worth the price of submission, and if you even think of inventing a kidnapping story such as Alfred Oglesby tried to foist on Don Shula of the Miami Dolphins, forget it. Sell it to the supermarket tabloids and be on time. Shall we proceed?
– It`ll cost any Bear $1,000 to lose any part of a playbook, scouting report or game plan. If he keeps all that, but loses his temper and is ejected from a game, that`s also $1,000.
– Unexcused ”late reporting” violations, even to meals, are $200. Unexcused ”missed” violations, including meals, are $1,000. But if you attend all meals and graze around the red zone too long, you`re still in trouble. Overweight Bears will be docked $50 per pound, per day.
– If job stress gets the best of any Bear and he kicks any object into the stands-ball, water cooler, newspaper reporter-that`s $200, plus replacement costs. In the case of the ball and water cooler, that can be expensive.
– Then there`s the all-encompassing repeater clause: ”A player`s fine may be doubled and then tripled, and continued violations thereafter may result in suspension for conduct detrimental,” a maximum fine of one week`s salary and/ or suspension without pay for a definite time period not to exceed four weeks.
And that`s just the Bears, folks. There are pages of do`s and don`ts from league headquarters. Moreover-and this is a new twist-the Bears have been issued a pamphlet on how to deal with the media, so as to retain the NFL`s high profile and strong image. Included is the picture and title of just about every Chicago broadcaster and writer, talk about a suicide squad.
That`s Platteville, `92. Come back, Jim McMahon. All is forgiven. And park your motorcycle wherever you please.
