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If you like clean carpeting, unstained furniture and functional plumbing, don`t have a child`s birthday party in your home.

I made that mistake once, when a dozen 4-year-old boys turned my dining and living areas into birthday battlefields of gook, gunk and gifts. I won`t even tell you what they did to the bathroom. Since, my children`s birthday parties have been held at bowling alleys, pools, restaurants, museums and gyms, much to everyone`s delight.

The children love ”going out” for their birthday fun, and I don`t spend the entire party worrying about juice stains on the rug. Having a party outside the home doesn`t mean you can`t give it a personal touch. Many party places provide refreshments, and most give families the option of bringing their own cake and decorations. And usually the parents are in charge of directing the party activities too. Costs average $50 to $100 for about 10 kids, but the special birthday packages are usually well worth the price. Plus, you don`t have to clean up.

The Chicago area offers a wide variety of birthday party possibilities, and rentals are normally for 1 1/2- to 2-hour periods. Many restaurants, such as McDonald`s and Chuck E Cheese, offer food-and-play birthday packages with recreational activities. Bowling is also popular, and many alleys have inflatable bumpers that they can place in the gutters, making every child a winner. YMCAs, YWCAs and community centers rent out their gyms and pools for parties, usually in combination with the use of party rooms for refreshments. Hotel pools are another possibility. And skating and roller rink rentals also have become popular party places for older children.

Museums such as the Chicago Children`s Museum, Chicago Academy of Sciences or the Kohl Children`s Museum in Wilmette also have party packages.

There also are one-of-a-kind party places that offer recreational offerings for different ages.

These include:

Art Expressions, 845 Sanders Rd., Northbrook, 708-564-0212. Children ages 5 and up can sponge- or splatter-paint their own T-shirts at this party. The shirts, paints, supplies and instruction are provided in the $7-$8-a-child party price, which includes use of a separate room for parent-supplied refreshments. Minumum of eight children. Store provides party paper goods.

Bolingbrook Aquatic Center Wave Pool, 180 S. Canterbury Lane, Bolingbrook, 708-759-2837. Children make a splash with birthday bashes here. The $59 deluxe party package includes admission for 10 children to the wave pool, along with two large pizzas and two pitchers of pop served by a hostess in the party room. Bring your own cake. Additional guests are $6 each;

children must know how to swim. Inner tubes may be rented for $3 each.

City Golf Chicago, North Pier, 435 E. Illinois St., 312-836-5936. Children of all ages can play miniature golf on an indoor course constructed around replicas of Chicago landmarks, such as the Picasso sculpture, Navy Pier and the Hancock Center. The course can be reserved for two-hour birthday parties at $100, plus $3.45 a child, includes soda from the on-site restaurant.

Color It Yours, 20915 Cicero Ave., Matteson, 708-747-6402. Birthdays take on all the colors of the rainbow here. Children, ages 4 and up, paint plaster statues, ranging from ballerinas to Ninjas, which then are finished with gloss or sparkles for taking home. After painting, children go to the party area for parent-provided refreshments. Paper goods are included, as is a photo of the party. The base price is $20 for up to 15 children, and $1.50 per extra child, and statues cost $1 to $6 each.

Snoop Shop, 1782 Chestnut, Glenview, 708-998-0980, also offers plaster statue-painting parties, with a party room available for parent-supplied refreshments and activities. For ages 5 and up. Ceramic items cost $5 to $7, and a $90 minimum purchase on weekends and a $60 minimum on weekdays are required.

Dance Inc., 7 Happ Rd., Northfield, 708-501-2024. At these ”dance and imagination” parties the fun begins with partygoers dressing in a costume of their choice from the studio`s large collection. A dance/drama teacher then leads the children through a familiar fairy tale set to music, with each child playing a part. Afterward, parents can provide their own refreshments. Special fairy tale invitations are available. Cost is $125 for a maximum 16 children. Parties are designed for 3- to 7-year-olds.

Discovery Zones, at 7511 Lemont Rd., Darien, 708-910-4386; 4364 E. New York Rd., Aurora, 708-898-8882; and 700 N. Milwaukee Ave., Vernon Hills, 708-680-4386. These new indoor playlands feature separate ”zones” for younger and older children, with popular play apparatuses and skill games. Birthday packages at $7.95 a child include access to the play area, plus invitations, an ice cream cake, soda, paper goods, balloons, game tokens and a T-shirt for the birthday child. A package at $9.95 a child also includes pizza. Minimum of seven children required. All ages.

Enchanted Castle, 1103 S. Main St., Lombard, 708-953-7860. Children get the royal treatment at this restaurant and entertainment complex. The basic birthday party package, at $5.95 a child, includes pizza and pop in the restaurant. Parents may provide their own cake. Included are an animated character show, a visit from Toby the Birthday Dragon and 14 tokens per guest for children`s games in the entertainment complex. For an additional $1.25 a child, partygoers can ride in bumper cars or the SR-2 simulator. Children can play the 18-hole miniature golf course for an extra $2.50 each. Parents may bring or buy cake and ice cream. Minimum of six children required. All ages.

Mercury Boat Cruise Plus McDonald`s, Chicago River at Michigan Avenue, 312-645-0818. Mercury and McDonald`s restaurants have joined forces for a birthday party package that features a 1 1/2-hour lakefront cruise with supervised activities followed by a birthday party at the River Plaza McDonald`s. Parties are held at 10 a.m. and 11:30 a.m. on weekends only. Happy Meals and a cake are served at the restaurant in the birthday area. Cost is $7.25 for children under 12. All ages. Mercury also offers other types of boat rides, including the Wacky Pirate Cruise, a one-hour cruise at 10 a.m. Thursday through Sunday. Buccaneer Bob leads groups in sing-alongs. Kazoos, paper pirate hats are provided (no food or beverages can be brought aboard). Birthday children receive a small gift such as a coloring book or a Chicago pennant. $7.50 adults, $5 children, with reservations required. Call 312-332-1366.

Lambs Farm, Interstate Highway 94 at Illinois Highway 176, Libertyville, 708-362-4636. Parties at Lambs Farm include admission to the farmyard and food to feed the animals. A round of miniature golf, ice cream and beverages at the Farm`s Sweet Street Old-Fashioned Ice Cream Parlor are included also. Packages range from $3.95 to $5.95 a child, and add-ons include pony rides, a clown performance, a hayride and more. All ages.

Medieval Times, 2001 Roselle Rd., Schaumburg, 708-843-3900. Replica medieval castle takes children back in time to see knights in shining armor compete in jousting competitions, sword fights and horseback riding challenges. Two available packages require the purchase of a four-course meal, served during the show, which is also open to the public. Depending upon show time and day, meals range from $21 to $25 for children 12 and under and $29 to $35 for adults (for 15 or more people, the rates are $19 or $20 for children, $25 to $31 for adults). Cakes are sold for $10 each. The add-on birthday package costs $8 per person (with a six-person minimum) and includes cake, a knighting ceremony and banner for the birthday child, and group photograph. A separate party package for $6 per person (with a 15-person minimum) includes a commemorative program with photo or a wooden sword or princess hat and a banner for the birthday child. Reservations are required.

Patch 22, 15900 Kelly Rd., Wadsworth, 708-336-0120. Sing songs during a 30-minute horse-drawn hayride around the farm, followed by a visit to the petting farm, where children meet about 25 resident sheep, goats, pigs, calves, horses, bunnies and ducks. Parents then can serve their own food in the party barn. Cost is $5 a child with a 20-person minimum. All ages.

The Puppet Parlor, 1922 W. Montrose Ave., 312-774-2919. Children watch a fairy tale performed by marionettes in a setting that includes an orchestra pit of automated puppet players. After the show, partygoers are served ice cream, punch and popcorn (parents may provide their own cake) while a puppeteer entertains and the birthday child opens presents. Cost is $6 a child with a minimum of 12. All ages.

Animart, 3901 N. Kedzie Ave., 312-267-1209. Puppet-show birthday party packages are available for $25 plus $3.50 a child for show tickets. Minimum of 12 tickets required. There are separate shows for younger and older children; group minimums of 35 for off-season April-September.