We were going on our annual diet, and this time I struck a new deal with my friend Guin.
”I`ll plan the menus, buy the food, even pack you a lunch, if you`ll be the one who weighs in and tells us how much we`ve lost each week.”
”That doesn`t make any sense,” Guin argued.
”Which part? Planning the menus or cooking the food? I`m getting better at cooking fish, don`t you think?” I asked.
Guin glared at me, and I at her. I finally lost the stare-down.
”You know what I mean,” I whined. (She`s well acquainted with my scale phobia.) ”Weighing is the part that discourages me. If you will weigh for us both, I`ll take your word for it that we`ve lost pounds.”
Guin looked me in the eye and said: ”We are not the same person. I`m not you. You`re not me. We have two different metabolisms.”
”I never said we were the same person,” I said. ”And I`m not saying that I think we`ll lose exactly the same amount of weight. I`m just saying that if we`re eating the same meals and you`re losing weight, then it follows that I`m losing pounds too.”
She shook her head no. ”This doesn`t make any sense. You might as well bite the bullet and weigh yourself.”
”I refuse. I don`t need to weigh to know I`ve gotten too fat. I was walking through the mall yesterday, and I caught a glimpse of myself on one of those video cameras some stores set up in their display windows to drive away customers, and I said to that girl on the TV screen, `If I were you, I`d go on a diet right away.”`
”Now look,” I said. ”I`ve told you what I`m willing to do, and if you want to go on this diet with me, this is the deal I`m willing to cut. It seems fair to me. I`m doing all the work. All you have to do is weigh.”
”I don`t know how you can be satisfied to suffer that kind of deprivation and not know how you are doing weight-wise,” she said.
I shrugged and said, ”Watched water never boils-watched weight never drops.” She sighed and said: ”You just haven`t been the same since you sang with Karla in church. And even as I say the words `sang with Karla,` I can`t believe you actually did that in public.”
”Karla could not reach those notes. I could. I was glad to help her.”
”I sat right out there in the congregation and heard you sing the low notes while Karla lip-synced the words to `Jesus is Beautiful . . . ` ”
”She didn`t lip-sync all of them. It was supposed to be her solo. She sang the high notes. All of them. I just stood beside her, sang the low notes, and tried not to move my lips.”
”It was very disconcerting to hear one person sing the syllables ”Beau- and ti- and another person sing `-ful`.”
”You call it disconcerting. I call it teamwork. We`re supposed to do that in church. And out of church as well. Help someone else to carry the load. God`s children sharing one another`s burdens.”
Guin glared at me again. But she hoisted that burden.
”Do I have to tell you how much I weigh, or just how much we`ve lost?”
she asked.
”I don`t care how much we weigh. As far as I`m concerned, what we weigh today is history; I`m already living in the future and for that moment when you get on the scale and tell me how much I`ve lost.”
”We`ve lost!”
”Well, certainly. It stands to reason that if I`ve lost weight, then you have too.”
