True loves shower their sweethearts with golden rings, French hens, turtle doves and, of course, the precious-but tough to wrap-partridge in a pear tree.
For the first holiday season together, however, the menagerie routine might strike your honey as a bit overwhelming. Which strands well-intentioned boyfriends in gift-giving limbo-somewhere between the electric pencil sharpener aisle and the glass case at Tiffany`s.
”There`s nothing as sweet as giving the perfect gift,” says Tom Yoder, advertisting director of the Chicago Reader, who, as master of the ”Matches” section, knows about relationship angst. ”I think it`s something someone really wants but wouldn`t get on their own, because it`s too frivolous, too expensive or they just didn`t know it existed.”
The key concept in deciding on the perfect gift for that first Christmas with your new love, according to dating guru Jeffrey Ullman, is commitment.
Ullman, founder of Great Expectations, a video-dating service, urges would-be Romeos to take their romantic temperature before shopping.
”Is she your date or your mate?” he asks. ”That consonant makes a big difference. If we`re married, we assume we love each other. If we`re dating, you could give a gift that`s interpreted wrong. The relationship could be over.”
No-nos
Unless you`re ready to start choosing china patterns, other too-hot-to-handle gifts include: puppies, an extended vacation to a remote island and anything that fits nicely around her finger-even if it`s made out of a twist tie.
Other wisdom from the Commandments of Gift-Giving to Girlfriends:
– Think personal. Say you met square dancing. A pair of cowboy boots might warm her heart. Or a picture frame with a photo from your canoe trip together.
– But not too personal. Add to the invasive category the guy who paid off his girlfriend`s credit-card bill. ”It probably provoked a `How dare you`
response,” says Ullman. And it`s not especially sentimental.
– Make her feel beautiful. ”The ideal kind of present is one that stimulates her heart and makes her feel safe, admired, appreciated and, most important, special,” says Ullman. Jewelry often works magic.
Keep reading, guys
– Sweat a little. If you you`re a klutz in the kitchen, learn to make her breakfast in bed. If she`s got a thing for old lunchboxes, search every flea market for that elusive Scooby-Doo model.
– Don`t risk buying perfume or clothes unless you`re dead certain she`ll love them.
– Do not pamper her with a toaster, auto parts or cleaning or cooking equipment of any kind. We know women enamored with their removable car radios and Cuisinarts who would quibble with this, but it`s generally a good guideline.
– Avoid gifts obviously in your own best interest, like that Bob Dylan collection you`re dying to hear.
– And finally, relax. Says Fishman: ”There`s no such thing as a bad gift.” Then she probably never received monogrammed dust rags.
