Now that we know at least 80 percent of you know how to program your VCRs, here are a few choice tips if you choose to take your best pal out for a romantic dinner-or just can’t miss the latest episode of “Barney and Friends.” All programs, of course, are subject to change, pending weather and arrest warrants.
7 p.m. Saturday: Opening Ceremonies. Taped. Unlike that awful spectacle in Albertville, these ceremonies may actually make sense. And look familiar. In kind of a copy of the Barcelona Olympics opening, retired Norwegian ski-jumping champion Ole G. Fidjestol will attempt to leap into Lysgardsbakkene Ski Jumping Arena bearing the Olympic flame.
1:30 p.m. Sunday: The U.S. hockey team’s first game against those hated French. Live. Almost as much fun as the game itself will be director Sandy Grossman’s use of the highly touted goalie-cam, a gimmick that was used sparingly in its debut two months ago.
7 p.m. Sunday: Playboy Alberto Tomba and U.S. hopeful AJ Kitt hit the slopes for the first time in the men’s downhill, always the most exciting of the alpine events. Taped. Also the beginning of a zillion hours of figure skating with the pairs technical program.
Noon Monday: TNT begins its 45 hours of cable coverage from Lillehammer. While Ted and Jane may not be in Norway, John Naber will be, helping Atlanta-based hosts Nick Charles and Fred Hickman from the balcony of a local bistro.
7 p.m. Monday: Star-crossed speedskater Dan Jansen, who’s had more bad luck than any one Olympian deserves, begins his third attempt at an Olympic medal in the 500 meters. Taped.
7 p.m. Tuesday: Women’s luge singles. Taped. Cammy Myler. Remember the name. She could become the first American woman to medal off her recent performances and despite shoulder surgery two years ago. If not, there’s always the pairs free program, but Jenni Meno and Todd Sand stand little chance against those nasty Russians.
7 p.m. Wednesday: Donna Weinbrecht won a gold medal two years ago in moguls freestyle skiing (no, it doesn’t involve jumping over rich, powerful executives). She tries again. Taped.
Noon Thursday: Another important hockey game for the U.S.-the hated Canadians. Live on TNT. Only without goalie-cam, since that’s exclusivly a CBS feature. Lucky CBS.
7 p.m. Thursday: Former gold-medalist figure skater Brian Boitano begins his comeback with the men’s technical program. Taped. But it won’t be easy since his competition will come from Scott Davis, Viktor Petrenko, Kurt Browning and Elvis Stojko-all with titles of their own.
7 p.m. Feb. 18: Jansen is back for another medal try-in the men’s 1,000 meters. Taped. Root for the guy, since he deserves medals for all those races he lost in Calgary six years ago.
Noon Feb. 19: Yet another do-or-die hockey game for the U.S., this time against the really hated Swedes and its gaggle of former NHL players. Live.
6 p.m. Feb. 19: Women’s downhill, women’s 500-meter speedskating and men’s figure skating free program. Taped. Downhiller Hillary Lindh, a silver medalist two years, tries again, and this marks the Olympic debut of skier Picabo Street, who made quite a splash at last year’s world championships. On the ice, Boitano tries to sustain a 5-minute program for a medal. And America’s Sweetheart, Bonnie Blair, makes her ’94 Olympic speedskating debut.
8 a.m. Feb. 20: An interesting international hockey match between Russia and the Czech Republic. Live. Weapons will be checked at the door.
7 p.m. Feb. 20: Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean-who tore things up 10 years ago with their rendition of “Bolero”-return to Olympic ice in the ice-dancing original dance program. Taped. The U.S. team of Elizabeth Punsalan and Jerod Swallow-untested in big international competitions-can watch and learn from all the Russians, who will dominate the event.
Noon Feb. 21: Probably the last chance for the U.S. hockey team to make the medal round when it takes on Italy. And on Presidents Day yet. Live. Maybe Mike Dunham will rip off that silly goalie-cam.
7 p.m. Feb. 21: Blair tries for another medal in the women’s 1,500 meters. Taped. Plus several reports on the USOC decision whether to make Tonya Harding Olympics-worthy.
Noon Feb. 22: Bobsledding-with or without those crazy Jamaicans-gets its due on TNT. Live. If it isn’t bumped by a hokey game.
7 p.m. Feb. 22: Short-track speedskating-the Olympic equivalent of roller derby-begins. Taped. Also the first of about a million “Well, Nancy, how do you feel?” interviews.
7 p.m. Feb. 23: This is what we’ve been waiting for-the women’s technical program. Taped. And don’t think for a moment CBS won’t drag this out through all three hours of prime time. And, as an added bonus, Katarina Witt returns.
6 p.m. Feb. 25: The women’s long program, where we find out if Kerrigan can beat out the dreaded killer B’s-Oksana Baiul and Surya Bonaly-for the gold medal. Taped. If Harding makes it this far, the ratings could rival a good NBA game.
Noon Feb. 26: Bronze-medal hockey game. Look for the U.S. team. Look real hard, because it may not be there. Live.
7 p.m. Feb. 26: Figure-skating exhibitions. Taped. Say goodbye to Nancy and Brian and Torvill and Dean. This is where the skaters like to show off all the stuff they can’t do during the competition. Like wiggle their behinds.
8 a.m. Feb. 27: Gold-medal hockey game. Don’t look for the U.S. team here, either. Again it’s live, just in case.
7 p.m. Feb. 27: Closing Ceremonies. Finally. Goodbye, Greg. Have a nice time at Fox. It’s taped. Only five more weeks till something really important-the Final Four.
