Michael, a 33-year-old entrepreneur, is willing to spend $7,500 to get married. Alice, a 25-year-old administrative assistant, just made a $300 down payment and signed a two-year, $72-a-month contract to be assured of 12 dates. And Linda, a 35-year-old attorney, spent $500 for six lunch dates. That price, by the way, doesn’t include the food.
Thousands of area men and women are paying the price of being single, by signing up for dating services. According to Gail Prince, an Evanston-based singles consultant, there are 23 dating services operating in Chicago and the suburbs.
Although some of these are highly targeted-Matches, for example, enrolls only African-American professionals-most will accept any single man or woman within their age ranges who can afford to pay their fees. The cost of these services ranges from $150 to several thousand dollars.
“Dating services are a business,” Prince says, “and anyone considering joining one should be a good consumer. Don’t think of them as an affair of the heart; think of them as any other high-priced item you’re buying.”
Prince suggests “shopping around” among the services listed in the Yellow Pages or advertised in the personals sections of area newspapers before signing up.
“Go in for your initial interview with a list of questions: How many potential dates do they really have in your age range, and how can they prove it? Ask for references, even though you know they’ll only give you names of satisfied clients, and talk to those people yourself.”
Most important, Prince stresses, never sign a contract on the spot. Some services direct high-pressure sales pitches at people when they are most vulnerable-just after a divorce or at the end of a relationship.
“Take some time to mull it over, to decide if you really trust the person who interviewed you,” Prince says.
And when you are ready to join a service, always negotiate the price. Most services will give a price break to singles with the demographics they want in their dating pools.
“If you’re a man in your 40s willing to date women your own age, you’re a gem to any service,” says April Abbott, owner of April Abbott’s Social Adventures.
In spite of the above caveats, thousands of singles are finding romance, or at least active social lives, through dating services. The most successful experiences occur when singles first match their own needs and budgets to the right type of service.
Michael, for example, enrolled in an expensive personalized service because he’s feeling a time crunch.
“I spent seven years absorbed in my business,” he says. “Now I’m ready for a serious relationship. I don’t have a good rap in bars, and I’m tired of meeting women who can’t string five sentences together without using the word `like.’ I want to meet a woman of substance, and I’m willing to pay to find her.”
Michael has paid Chicago matchmaker Heather Stern $3,750 to be enrolled in SearchMate, which is considered the ultimate in dating services.
“We only enroll singles who are emotionally and psychologically ready to get married, and then we use all our networking skills to find them a partner,” Stern says. When she finds that perfect mate, the client pays her another $3,750.
Stern also operates Personal Profiles, a more traditional dating service that sets up dates among its paying members. Most of the 400 men and women who have paid $2,150 to be part of her dating pool for two years are professionals in their 30s. Every 5 1/2 weeks, Stern re-sorts the profile cards and introduces compatible men and women to each other via personal letters.
Several other city and suburban dating services work on the same principles. The danger of joining a service that guarantees a certain number of matches is that some of the arranged dates may be inappropriate, if not disastrous. “One service even fixed me up with a woman who was pregnant!” complains a single man.
Couples meeting through April Abbott’s Social Adventures will at least be assured of a good conversation. Abbott insists that her clients (she has about 450) have graduate degrees and that they travel to her Hyde Park offices for an interview.
Once there, each single gets to browse through pictures and written profiles of potential dates before signing a contract. Abbott charges $150 for a three-month membership, with three matches, or $225 for six months, and six dates. She does not take credit cards.
Bob, a physician nearing 50, says Abbott’s service is best for singles seeking “an intellectual meeting of the minds,” rather than a quick wedding day. “I first signed up with April in 1986 and went out with a number of gifted women.
“Then on March 8, 1992, she introduced me to someone I am still seriously dating,” he says. “Because this woman and I function in totally different circles, I never would have met her any other way.”
Singles more interested in quantity may be better suited to high-volume computer or video dating services whose membership pools contain thousands of potential dates. Video services encourage their members to watch dozens of short videotapes and to seek dates with those individuals who seem most appealing.
Carol, a 27-year-old nurse who recently joined Great Expectations, a video dating service with more than 5,500 members signed up at offices in Chicago and Schaumburg, has met and dated six men and another 40 have selected her.
Carol says: “You can really get the gist of someone’s personality by watching a video. I wouldn’t feel comfortable going out with someone I hadn’t seen first.”
That comfort level can be expensive, though Great Expectations’ fees seems to be highly negotiable. Jeffrey Ullman, the company’s founder, quotes the cost of joining at $1,095 to $2,595, “depending on the length of membership,” and adds that it gives discounts to people over age 55.
While video services allow clients to pick dates by appearance, computer services claim to match clients from the inside out. The 5,400 local members of Personal InterActions, for example, traveled to offices in Northbrook or Downers Grove to fill out lengthy “Personality Surveys,” questionnaires that cover everything from the importance of sex to whether you eat fresh fruit.
Clients-the average client pays $1,695 for nine guaranteed dates over 18 months (as with Great Expectations, members may be selected for dates by an unlimited number of opposite sex members)-are computer-matched to members with compatible value systems.
Since she joined InterActions, Alice has met-and is still dating-eight men. “They all seem to share my values, but they come from a wide range of occupations,” she says. “I never could have met such a variety of people on my own.”
The 1,500 members of It’s Just Lunch share something else. None of them wants to waste an entire evening on a bad date. They’d rather pay owners Andrea McGinty and Margaret Kunkler $500 for six (or $750 for 12) prearranged lunch dates. Linda, the attorney, says this dating service is suited to her busy life because there are no strings attached.
“I had two lunch dates with men I never wanted to see again, and I’ve been dating my third lunch partner ever since. It was certainly worth the price.”
Singles can get the most out of any service by being open-minded and having realistic expectations.
“If you haven’t found a serious relationship on your own in 30 years, don’t expect a dating service to find you one in three months,” Prince says.
