In an about-face from previous policy, the Gladney Center will actively help adults who were adopted from the 107-year-old agency in their search for their birth mothers.
The change in policy was made because of a “tremendous” increase in adult adoptees’ requests for help in finding their birth mothers over the last few years, said Pattye Hicks, director of post-adoption services at Gladney. In the past, Gladney officials have been reluctant to release identifying information to adoptees searching for birth parents or vice versa.
It was not a decision that came easily. Gladney’s board of directors pondered the new policy for two years after gathering ideas from social workers, adult adoptees, birth parents and adoptive parents before approving it in January, Hicks said.
The policy was announced to Gladney staff in late March, and approximately 7,500 newsletters explaining the new guidelines were mailed shortly thereafter to parents who had adopted children at Gladney.
Most reaction has been positive, said Kayte Steinert-Threlkeld, Gladney’s vice president of public information.
“Out of 7,500 newsletters, we’ve gotten only two negative phone calls,” she said.
So far, Gladney has received requests from about 25 adult adoptees whose parents shared the newsletters with them, Hicks said. No actual searches have begun. Only those 21 or older whose adoptions were handled through Gladney are eligible for the registry, and Gladney charges a $15 processing fee.
For the last few years, Gladney has maintained a passive registry, much like the Texas Voluntary Registry instituted by the state in 1984 through which adoptees and birth parents may register. If both register, it’s considered a match, and identifying information is provided so they may contact one another. First contact is generally made through an intermediary. Gladney has about 300 unmatched adult adoptees’ names on its passive registry, Steinert-Threlkeld said.
However, the direct post-adoption registry takes a more aggressive approach in making a match. Before initiating the search, the adult adoptee must complete a minimum of one hour of counseling intended to prepare the adoptee for what may be a life-changing experience. The adoptee then initiates a request for post-adoption contact through the Texas Voluntary Registry. If the birth mother has not registered, then the adoptee may pursue direct contact through Gladney.
At that time, Gladney staff members file a motion with the court that handled the adoption, indicate the adoptee’s interest in locating the birth mother and ask that Gladney be named intermediary in the search.
Next, Hicks writes to the birth mother-on stationery that gives only a post office box as a return address and does not identify the sender as the Gladney Center-saying that she has questions about the addressee’s medical history and can provide information of interest to her.
In the letter, she provides a toll-free phone number to call. Then she waits for the birth mother to contact her.
If the birth mother says she would like contact with the adoptee, she proceeds with the registry process, identifying information is shared and the adoptee and birth mother are free to contact one another.
If the birth mother doesn’t respond within two months, Hicks will contact her by phone and, after making sure she is alone and can speak freely, ask her if she desires contact.
Should the birth mother want no contact, Gladney staff members inform the adoptee, notify the court, explain the outcome of the search and ask the court not to provide contact if the adoptee pursues it in any other way.
Board member Bonnie Blackman, who chaired a committee that studied the new policy, said it was designed to consider each member of the adoption triad: the adoptee, the adoptive parents and the birth parents. It also preserves the concept of mutual consent between adoptee and birth parents and provides a counseling program for adoptive parents who may feel threatened when the child they have raised searches for his or her birth parents, she said.
Experience suggests that birth mothers want to be found, Blackman said, and research shows that those who have searched and those who have been found say they would do it again, regardless of the outcome.
“Society now expects openness on many formerly private issues and is willing to accept the consequences for that openness,” Blackman said.
Lois Melina, editor and publisher of Adopted Child Newsletter, based in Moscow, Idaho, has been critical in the past, but she praised Gladney’s new policy. Nevertheless, she suggested Gladney go a step further and open the direct search to adoptees under the age of 21 whose adoptive parents approve of the search.
“To wait ’til the child is 21 deprives that child of important access to work through basic questions adoptees have,” said Melina, the adoptive mother of two children, 14 and 11. “If everyone is agreeable, let them reconnect and provide information, and let them have a relationship.”
However, Gladney officials said a decision to search needs to come from an adoptee with the emotional maturity to deal with what that search may find. The best way to have that is to impose the age 21 rule.
The committee studying the policy was made up of equal numbers of adult adoptees, birth parents and adoptive parents, Blackman said.
Judy Smith, an interior designer in Dallas, was one of the adoptive parents Gladney consulted. Smith and her husband, Lynn, an attorney, have two daughters they adopted from Gladney, Wendy, 23, and Jennifer, 20.
Two years ago, Wendy Smith found her birth mother, who lives just 12 miles from the Smiths’ home, through Gladney’s passive registry. It was a successful match, and the two now consider themselves good friends.
“I couldn’t explain to you how I feel about it,” said Wendy Smith, a college student and part-time nanny. “All my life I knew I was going to meet her some day. It’s like I’ve known her forever. I wouldn’t want her to be my mother. But it’s nice to have an adult you can talk to who isn’t a parent.”
Judy Smith said she had told both daughters she would help them find their birth mothers when they were grown.
“I never discouraged it because I think it would be a real mistake forcing them to suppress natural curiosities,” said Judy Smith, who admitted feeling threatened and afraid when Wendy told her she wanted to search.
“Yet you’re happy for your child because you know it’s something good for them in the long run to have,” she said. “I have friends who are terribly threatened by their child’s search, and it’s caused real problems between their child and themselves. It doesn’t help anybody.”
Judy Smith said she also feared Wendy’s birth mother might reject Wendy and was concerned about the pain a rejection would inflict on her daughter. However, as in many cases, Wendy’s birth mother wanted to be found.
“Although initially I was apprehensive about the match, the results have been very positive,” Judy Smith said. “I can see that it’s brought a lot of peace of mind to my daughter and made her a happier person.”
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For information on Gladney’s direct post-adoption registry, call 817-922-6046. For information on the Texas Voluntary Registry, call 512-834-4485.
