The sign pretty much says it all: Havana 90 miles, Miami 157 miles.
Forget Geography 101. This isn’t the United States. Doesn’t even call itself that. This spoonful of coral, a mere 1 mile wide and 3 1/2 miles long, located a piddling 1 degree north of the tropics, is the self-proclaimed Conch (pronounced “konk”) Republic. Any relationship to the United States is purely coincidental and should be regarded as such, especially after a couple of pina coladas at Ernest Hemingway’s old hangout, Sloppy Joe’s bar.
Natives proudly call themselves Conchs. To be a Conch in Key West is to be of the highest social order, having been born and raised on the island.
Conchs eat conch chowder and conch fritters. Key West High School is home to the Fighting Conchs and their drill team, the Conchettes. Conch houses are preserved by the local historical society. A conch shell outside the home brings good luck. Conch architecture, for some reason, features fancy gingerbread trim. And the Conch Tour Train, a series of open, canopied cars pulled by a jeep pretending to be a train engine, is the best way to make first acquaintance with this place that’s also been known as Key Weird and Key Wasted.
For many, this is truly The Last Resort, a place of languor and tolerance, perpetual summer and everlasting suntans. A place to do nothing or everything.
Even sunset is celebrated, applauded and, especially, toasted liberally each and every evening at Mallory Square, at the tip end of the island. The sunsets have to be raucously brilliant, otherwise there’d be no competing with the circuslike atmosphere of throngs of jostling tourists, a high-wire walker who keeps up a steady patter of Key West jokes, jugglers, fluffy cats jumping through hoops, the whistling man (cassettes available), the two-man steel drum band, vendors peddling everything from popcorn to dog leashes, and the Cookie Lady, who peddles brownies from her perpetual motion bicycle bake stand. Plan to arrive, refreshment in hand, about an hour ahead of solar touchdown for full impact.
A person can feed a shark, should a person desire to, at the Key West Aquarium; take in sunken treasure at the Mel Fisher Museum; learn about Key West’s earliest industry in the city’s oldest house at the Wrecker’s Museum; get a 360-degree view of the island at the Key West Lighthouse Museum; pass through the Presidential Gates at President Harry Truman’s Little White House; buy shell-shaped Godiva chocolates at Fastbuck Freddie’s unique department store; cruise Duval Street in a pedicab (think Schwinn rickshaw); go by but not enter playwright Tennessee Williams’ red-shuttered cottage and studio; see cigars rolled by hand the old way at the Key West Cigar Factory; check out the red clay tiles, each supposedly fashioned over the thigh of a Cuban lady, on the roof of Casa Marina; visit the Hurricane Hallway at Ripley’s Believe It or Not! Odditorium; and read the even odder epitaphs on the graves at one of the Key West cemeteries, including one that states: “I told you I was sick.”
That done, a person might choose to barnstorm in a biplane at sunset; see the area reefs in a glass-bottom boat; snorkel or scuba; go deep-sea fishing (the largest marlin caught was hauled in by a tourist several years ago and weighed 661 pounds); prowl the offbeat shops in the Turtle Kraals area; or work up a thirst parasailing, then quench it with home brew at Kelly’s Caribbean Bar, Grill & Brewery, owned by actress Kelly McGillis and located in the original home of Pan American World Airways.
Or, a person can simply stop and smell the frangipani.
Most folks, however, at least walk the 14-block length of Duval Street, often called the longest street in the world because it connects the Gulf of Mexico with the Atlantic Ocean. At the end is a red, black and yellow buoy marking the southernmost point in the continental United States. Nearby is the southernmost guesthouse and the southernmost streetlight.
Much of lower Duval qualifies as Bourbon Street South, minus the strip joints. Sloppy Joe’s bar provides live entertainment until 4 a.m. Margaritaville stays crammed full of revelers. Temporary tattoos are for sale at Condom Sense. And Fat Tuesday advertises 26 flavors of frozen drinks. Fastbuck Freddie’s, Key West’s version of a department store, is worth a look-see. Cuban revolutionary Jose Marti raised money and support for the Cuban revolution from the porch of La Terraza de Marti in the 1890s.
Over the years, Key West’s laissez faire attitude has drawn the likes of Black Beard the pirate, Tennessee Williams (who wrote “A Streetcar Named Desire” at the La Concha hotel) and artist John James Audubon, who is said to have visited and painted at the Audubon House. More recently, pop icon Madonna bought a luxury condo here, according to the local newspaper. Singer/songwriter Jimmy Buffett maintains a house, although he has taken proceeds from his Margaritaville bar and moved north to swanky Palm Beach.
Hemingway produced 70 percent of his works, including “For Whom the Bell Tolls,” during the 1930s while living on Whitehead Street in a large house with lime green shutters. Hemingway loved his cats, and the property is now overrun with their descendants, each named for someone famous like Liz Taylor or Truman Capote, and each featuring distinctive mitlike paws with seven to nine toes.
While Hemingway was covering the Spanish Civil War, his then-wife Pauline decided to have a swimming pool, Key West’s first, installed as a surprise when he returned. When Hemingway learned she had spent $20,000 on the pool, he dropped a penny into the still-wet cement of the adjoining terrace and said, “Now you’ve got my last penny.” It’s still there, right in front of the center green post. After the two divorced, Pauline took great pleasure in showing the penny to house guests and telling them another woman may have gotten Hemingway, but she got his last penny.
Hemingway’s name and likeness pop up frequently in Key West, but the only known painting of Hemingway on velvet is found in the Bordello Gallery upstairs at Ricky’s Blue Heaven restaurant. Yes, this cooperative gallery was once a real bordello.
Hemingway refereed boxing matches in Blue Heaven’s yard on Friday nights. His old sparring partner, Kermit “Shine” Forbes, still lives two blocks down on Petronia Street. Descendants of fighting cocks that provided other pugilistic entertainment still roam the yard. The old water tower out back is from Henry Flagler’s Overseas Railroad that linked Miami and Key West and was destroyed by a hurricane in 1935. It houses an art gallery, along with Sam Bones, a female artist who braids beads into people’s hair at the Mallory Square sunset celebrations.
Blue Heaven is a favorite eating spot for locals. Caribbean barbecue shrimp, and carrot and curry soup served with mango chutney are popular dishes here, along with Blue Heaven’s hearty breakfasts. Another favorite dining stop is Pepe’s Cafe & Steak House, where every Thursday is Thanksgiving, and turkey with all the trimmings is served. The Palm Grill, Cafe des Artistes, Louie’s Backyard and the Pier House Restaurant are known for creative dishes done with local fish and produce.
Pasta is made fresh daily at Mangia Mangia, another local hangout. Not many tourists find their way to the quiet neighborhood that’s home to Mangia Mangia, but the gumbo-limbo tree that shades tables on the terrace is known as a tourist tree anyway.
Why?
Because its peeling red bark reminds locals of sunburned visitors who wasted away in Margaritaland just a tad too long.
INTERESTING DETAILS THAT ARE KEY
More information: The Greater Key West Chamber of Commerce, 402 Wall St., Key West, Fla. 33040; 305-294-2587.
Florida Keys Visitors Bureau, 416 Fleming St., Key West, Fla. 33040; 800-FLA-KEYS.
Good, free guides to pick up: “The Guide to Old Key West,” published by Solares Hill Newspaper Inc. (305-294-3602); “Explore KW,” published by Bone Island Press Inc. (305-296-3492); and “Pelican Path: A Guide to Historic Key West,” produced by Old Island Restoration Foundation Inc.
Conch Tour Train: Operates daily 9 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. with boarding location at Mallory Square and Roosevelt Boulevard; 305-294-5161. Cost: 1 1/2-hour tour on the Conch Tour Train: $14 adults, $6 children.
Key West extras: Key West, which sits atop a mound of coral, has no natural beaches. Sand for Samosa Beach, the city’s largest, is brought in by barge from the Bahamas at a cost of $300,000 a year. Locals say the best snorkeling is at Higgs Beach.
Gingerbread trim can be a telling thing in Key West. In the 1920s, gingerbread with hearts, diamonds, spades and bottles was installed at 1117 Duval St. to surreptitiously announce the speakeasy inside. The late James Leo Herlihy, author of “Midnight Cowboy,” had a carpenter create peace sign gingerbread to adorn the front porch of his house at 709 Bakers Lane.
Gays and lesbians are estimated to make up about 20 percent of Key West’s population. The city was the first in the United States to elect an openly gay mayor.
The James Bond movie “Licence to Kill” was partially filmed at the houses at 707 and 711 South St.
Green Parrot Bar (established 1890) is the first or last bar on U.S. 1, depending on perspective.
Key facts: year-round population, 28,000; winter population, 72,000; hottest day on record, 97 degrees; normal humidity, 80-85 percent; average annual rainfall, 39 inches; 3,100 buildings protected by the Historic Preservation Society, making up the largest preserved area in the U.S.
