Therapists call on dolphins, Sox to fight depression `What makes Kids Make It Happen different is that we’re not granting last wishes to dying children; we’re providing powerful experiences and mentoring to children who are likely to survive.’
In the spring of 1992, 11-year-old Kristen Schaefer’s life was spinning out of control. She had been sexually abused by a teacher in kindergarten, and her precarious self-esteem took another beating during her parents’ separation and subsequent divorce. When her best friend, Laura Jensen, moved away, she was crushed.
“I felt there was nothing good in the world anymore,” recalled Kristen, now 14 and a promising 8th grader at Decatur Middle School, in Decatur, Ga. “I wasn’t interested in anything, and I didn’t care what happened to me.”
Frustrated by her apparent inability to control even the smallest aspects of her environment, Kristen suddenly stopped eating. Diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, she spent 30 days of summer vacation in Egleston Children’s Hospital at Emory University in Atlanta after losing 20 percent of her body weight in four months.
“It was agonizing to see my child wasting away in a hospital bed,” said Kristen’s mother, Karen Schaefer, 46. “Every time I visited, she begged me to sign her out, directing all her pentup anger and hostility toward me when I refused. But I knew I couldn’t weaken. I had to stay strong to help her.”
While the physical component of Kristen’s eating disorder emphasized caloric intake and weight stabilization, the emotional causes were investigated by Cliff A. Mazer, a family therapist with offices in Atlanta, Honolulu and San Francisco.
“Cliff convinced Kristen she alone controlled whether or not she was hospitalized,” Schaefer said. “During her first year of middle school, she missed more than 40 days. She’d be in the hospital for 10 days at a time, then 7, then 5, until she reached the point where, if her weight dropped, she checked herself in over a weekend and was back in school on Monday.”
But Mazer, who describes himself as “not the most patient person in the world,” still was not satisfied. He encouraged Kristen to take more responsibility for her own happiness, telling her repeatedly, “You can make good things happen.”
“I remember sitting in session after session with Kristen, a vague idea swimming around in my head,” he said. “One day I asked her, `Kris, what would make you happy?”‘
Kristen, who had long wanted to be a marine biologist and had dolphin photographs from a 1992 calendar hanging on her bedroom wall, didn’t hesitate. “Swimming with dolphins,” she replied.
Mazer’s idea crystallized in that moment. Hypothesizing that such potentially life-changing adventures held the key to unlocking the dreams of emotionally disturbed children, in June 1993 he created the non-profit Kids Make It Happen, a mentoring and support effort aimed at inspiring children and stimulating their passionate interests.
In July 1993, through the donated services and facilities of several Florida organizations and individuals, Kristen became the first child to benefit from the Kids Make It Happen philosophy.
Arrangements were made for Kristen, her mother and Laura to fly to Orlando, where they spent an idyllic week visiting and training with dolphins at Sea World, Epcot Living Seas and the Dolphin Research Center, in the Florida Keys.
“I had no idea what to expect, and although I was terribly excited, I was still so negative about life that I kept telling myself something would happen to keep me from my beloved dolphins,” said Kristen. “And,” she added breathlessly, “it almost did.”
Two days before their scheduled departure, Kristen’s weight unexpectedly dipped, and she was hospitalized. Summoning emotional reserves she was unaware she possessed, she recovered enough to be permitted not only to go but also to scuba dive.
At the Dolphin Research Center, Kristen had the opportunity to swim with Santini, one of the dolphins pictured in her calendar at home.
“It was wonderful getting to know the different dolphin personalities,” Kristen said. “While A.J. was playful and naughty, Santini seemed more mature and serious. When A.J. pushed me out into the (Gulf of Mexico) and left me there, Santini swam out and brought me back to shore.”
Kristen and Laura also shadowed a researcher and mastered some basic dolphin-training techniques. Soon they surprised visitors with their ability to make the dolphins dive, race, kiss and wave on command.
“It was an awesome time,” said Kristen. “I never realized people could care so much about making a kid like me feel special.”
Kristen’s mother reports that her daughter’s medical condition since the trip has been increasingly stable, with only two brief hospitalizations. She has continued to gain weight in proportion to her age and 5-foot, 7-inch frame. And, while maintaining her interest in marine biology, she also has taken up amateur dramatics and piano.
Last summer, Kristen participated in a six-week Outward Bound course and spent a fall weekend camping and hiking in the North Carolina mountains, activities that would have been impossible for her a year ago.
“Looking back, it was a turning point for us both,” said Schaefer. “We really don’t know how it worked, but there’s been a definite shift. Just watching the dolphins was a spiritual experience, which inspired me to keep issues in perspective and never lose sight of our goals.”
The crowning finale, Schaefer said, was noticing a full arc rainbow on the way to the airport that was still visible when their plane took off. “That’s when I decided Kristen was going to be OK.”
While Mazer cautions that inspirational physical experiences are not cures in themselves, he believes that they can have far-reaching therapeutic effects on children whose emotional problems have blocked their natural paths to joy and fulfillment.
“We don’t exactly know why, but we do know that roughly 25 percent of children with troubled histories grow up unscathed, while the others suffer to varying degrees,” he said. “The difference seems to be that the lucky ones had an adult who encouraged them to be passionate about life and hopeful for the future, which develops the quality of resilience, a much debated but little understood psychological phenomenon. Our program provides this missing element for children who have inadequate support systems in place at critical life transitions.”
Kids Make It Happen entered Lee Willingham’s life shortly after his mother died of AIDS in January 1993, when he was 13. In October 1993, Mazer’s organization teamed up with Atlanta’s Teens at Work, a local community group, to send Lee and his father, Anthony Willingham, to Chicago. Along with Lee’s Chicago cousin Randy, they attended Game No. 6 of the American League Championship Series between the Chicago White Sox and the Toronto Bluejays and met Lee’s hero, White Sox baseball player Frank Thomas.
Lee’s aunt, Anita Willingham, a high school administrator in Atlanta, commends Mazer for his creative approaches to the complex social and psychological problems today’s children face.
“Cliff not only offered Lee a dream come true at a very crucial time, but his participation in Lee’s recovery became the stepping stone that allowed him to deal with his loss and move on,” she said. “He appears a lot happier and more at peace with his mother’s death than he was before.”
According to a 1990-91 “Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Survey,” conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, 27.3 percent of adolescents nationally reported they seriously considered attempting suicide in the previous 12 months. Despite a quadrupling of adolescent suicide rates since 1950, Mazer noted that only 15 percent of youths with psychological or psychiatric disorders today receive any professional treatment.
“With as many depressed children as there are in this country, most of their problems are being addressed poorly and inadequately, if at all,” he said. “And while there is often a biochemical component to depression, attitude is also important. If you don’t think your future is positive, your thoughts won’t be either. What makes Kids Make It Happen different is that we’re not granting last wishes to dying children; we’re providing powerful experiences and mentoring to children who are likely to survive.”
Sarah Ninan, clinical nurse specialist with the Medical-Psychological Unit of Egleston Children’s Hospital, where Kristen was treated, acknowledged psycho-emotional learning experiences can inspire and validate troubled children, increasing self-confidence and trust in others.
“From the standpoint of helping a child identify and give life to a passion, these experiences have value,” she said. “But care should be taken that the child’s expressed goals be honored throughout the process and that the skills of reaching those goals be carried into the rest of that child’s life.”
In Kristen’s case, Mazer noted that when she failed to garner a part for which she recently auditioned, she bounced back from disappointment within a few hours.
“We aren’t proposing adventures as therapy substitutes; on the contrary, we require our kids to be in an ongoing therapy program,” he said. “But it’s been our experience that talk therapy and medication alone aren’t sufficient to restore hope to at-risk children. We have to let them get to the happy feelings they have underneath the sadness by igniting their passions. And once we are able to do that, fires start all over the place.”
So far, about a dozen children have been assisted by Kids Make It Happen. Next in line, according to Mazer, is a 9-year-old who fantasizes about deep-sea fishing and a 10-year-old interested in large apes.
Mazer’s goal is to establish outposts in at least 10 major U.S. cities by the end of 1995 and foster active support networks between children and adults who have participated in Kids Make It Happen experiences.
He acknowledged that his biggest challenge remains getting other social service organizations involved and securing individual or corporate sponsors for each project.
“There are so many successful and resilient adults in this country who can instill hope in children through sharing their passionate interests with them,” he said. “We represent safety and support for these children, but it’s their own inspiration and excitement that makes them reach for their goals.”
Kristen said: “Some adults think what they are doing is no big deal. But they should know it’s a very big deal to a kid whose life might be changed forever. Dr. Mazer was right. If you believe it can happen, it can.”
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For more information about Kids Make It Happen, or to become a mentor or sponsor, call 404-250-7755.
