When my son Isaac was born last summer, a friend looked at me solemnly and declared, “Libby, the honeymoon is over.”
He wasn’t referring figuratively to scorched-earth diapers or the quotidian struggles to keep foreign objects like the family cats out of my son’s mouth. He was speaking literally of what had been a dream assignment: honeymoon correspondent for Conde Nast’s venerable Bride’s magazine.
For eight years, I had traveled to some of the world’s hottest honeymoon spots, scrutinizing suites, lolling on beaches, sampling four-star food and wine at romantic tables for one, using up countless tiny bottles of bath gel in whirlpools.
But my friend was right: It was time to face reality. It’s true that more and more resorts are adding programs for children. Even Anguilla’s Cap Juluca, purported to be the most erotically charged hotel in the Caribbean (a reputation I was never able to verify with a visit), now has a children’s program. But there are still many, many places that would not think twice about turning me away from the door should I show up with my babe in arms, as if I were some ruined Victorian heroine.
(I’d like to pause here and state for the benefit of my editors in New York that I firmly believe I have plenty of good honeymoons left in me. Come to think of it, that message is for my husband, too.)
For now, I’ll savor my memories and pass along tips to soon-to-be newlyweds–usually without being asked to do so first. My favorite honeymoon spots range from luxury hotels to no-frills hideaways, and this list (which is in no particular order) by no means exhausts the possibilities. In fact, if it could be longer, I wouldn’t hesitate to tell you about the joys of honeymooning in Vancouver, Puerto Rico, Lake Tahoe and, believe it or not, Death Valley.
(Room rates are per night, double occupancy, and may be approximate, as some hotels hadn’t determined 1995 rates at press time. Keep in mind that lower-priced rooms usually don’t have all the amenities–an ocean view, for example–that some honeymooners require to set the appropriate post-nuptial mood.)
1. The Post Ranch Inn, Big Sur, Calif. At first glance, this hotel shouldn’t be as sexy as it is. It’s downright odd-looking. With suites housed in odd-shaped buildings made from redwood and naturally rusting steel, it calls to mind an architecturally challenged “Star Trek” outpost. And it’s so respectful of its extraordinary natural surroundings–it’s the only hotel in Big Sur to overlook the ocean (the more-famous Ventana Inn is across the road)–that you may feel chastened if you so much as move a pebble on paths that run through the property.
But slowly the austerity of the cliffside setting converges with the clear stillness of the air and the profound beauty of the ocean to create a voluptuousness you’ll probably never experience anywhere else. And then you’re a goner. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that the suites come equipped with fireplaces, massive cloudlike beds, Nakamichi stereo systems and enormous stone-lined bathtubs perfectly positioned so you can admire the ocean or mountains together in bubbly privacy. (Cost: $265 and up; includes continental breakfast; 800-527-2200.
2. Idaho Rocky Mountain Ranch, Stanley, Idaho. A classic mountain guest ranch, nestled on a hillside in the heart of the Sawtooth Wilderness, this is a place to cuddle up and let the rest of the world go by.
The sweet log cabins are equipped with big rock fireplaces, handmade log furniture and grottolike showers. The much-praised restaurant serves outdoorsy fare like big Idaho steaks and mountain trout, and the fresh-baked bread comes wrapped in bandannas. You can watch the sun sink behind the mountains from the porch of the main lodge, but if you’d like a more private twilight, slip away to nearby Stanley Lake. Surrounded by the buzz-cut pines, you can watch the fading light turn the mountains pink and the water glassy. (Cost: $140 and up; includes breakfast and dinner; 208-774-3544.)
3. Two Bunch Palms, Desert Hot Springs, Calif. The ambience at this small hotel in the hills above Palm Springs is simultaneously salubrious and naughty. It’s no coincidence that the hotel’s side-by-side mud baths were featured briefly in the movie “The Player”; if you’re not in “the (movie) business,” you’ll be in the minority. The rooms are nice if unremarkable, but never mind them. What makes Two Bunch Palms a hotbed of sensuality are palm-shaded natural hot-springs pools (where you almost always spot someone reading a screenplay while they soak) and the spa treatments. Just treatments, mind you; there are no exercise classes or morning hikes or fasts that you have to put up with first. Oh, you might hear some murmurs of “healing” this and “cleansing” that from the spa staff, but what’s important is that you’ll emerge feeling like two very smug sybarites.
Come with deep pockets–all those massages, herbal steams, facials and body wraps are la carte, and they add up ($40 to $122, not including tips). They also book up fast, so ask for a list before you go, and reserve in advance. (Cost: $110 and up; 800-4724334.)
4. Hotel Palmilla, Los Cabos, Mexico. It’s no hop, skip and jump to reach the tip of Baja California (it is at Land’s End, after all), but you’ll feel every bedraggled muscle in your body relax as you sit on your private patio of this lovely hacienda-style hotel. The clamor of Cabo San Lucas is far away, the crashing Pacific surf ever-present, and if the time of year is right, you can spot whales breaching while you sit on the terrace restaurant eating ceviche. The Palmilla offers luxury sans hoopla. The hibiscus-filled gardens are beautiful without being flamboyantly so; the rooms are spacious, airy and decorated with a decidedly light touch.
To order room service, you place a card in a little box outside your door. The staff will check it every 30 minutes. Incidentally, I spent my real honeymoon here. (Cost: $130 to $315, varying with view and season; 800-637-2226.)
5. Chico Hot Springs Hotel, Pray, Mont. At this nearly 100-year-old hotel near the foot of Emigrant Peak, “rustic” is the real thing–not some Ralph Lauren version of it.
Some of the rooms don’t have private baths, and none of them are big enough to hold much more than an old brass bed and a chest of drawers. Probably not an option for couples who equate romance with glamor (although the terrific restaurant usually draws a steady stream of expatriate Hollywood types), but if you can appreciate the sexiness of a pair of well-worn jeans, you’ll have a memorable honeymoon here.
For diversions, wander Yellowstone–about an hour away–or prowl the streets of nearby Bozeman and Livingston (you’ll be surprised how much shopping and cappuccino-sipping you can do). And just about any time of the day or night, you can ease into Chico’s hot-springs pool with a cool drink and lose yourselves in that big Montana sky. (Cost: $69 and up for a room with a private bath. 406-333-4933.)
6. Hotel Hana-Maui, Maui, Hawaii. It may be declasse to admit it, but I actually like the glitz of the Kaanapali and Wailea mega-resorts; by this point, they’re as much a part of the “real Hawaii” as the hula. But no one should leave Maui without making the drive to the remote village of Hana, where the heart of old Hawaii still beats strong and a deluxe hotel makes its somewhat incongruous home.
There’s no direct beach access (you take a shuttle to one) and no night life, but it doesn’t seem to matter–you don’t come to the Hana-Maui to be distracted. You come here to gather impressions that will be vivid years after: the fragrance of plumeria flowers in the air, snuggling up in a big bamboo bed under a Hawaiian quilt, the morning light streaming through the shutters of your room, the cool pale-wood floors under your feet. No wonder Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg chose it for her honeymoon. (Cost: $325 and up; 800-321-4262).
7. La Pinsonnere, Cap-A-L’Aigle, Quebec. This is an exceptional and elegant country inn (its name means “house of finches”) that makes its home in a white turreted mansion in the rolling Charlevoix countryside. It sits on a bluff above the St. Lawrence River, which at this point is 15 miles wide and has tides–you can almost fool yourself that you’re on the ocean.
The formal evening meals are exquisitely prepared and presented. If you’re eat-and-bolt types, you’ll find the three perfectly paced hours a life-altering experience. Even the Armani-clad sommelier will make you feel quite at home, no matter how modest your selection from the collection of 10,000 wines.
You could get restless here, but then you can always hook up with a whale-watching expedition at Tadoussac or take a cruise up the Saguenay Fjord. For many couples, enjoying the extraordinary food and wine, along with each other, of course, is activity enough. Ask for the room done up in white coverlets, white wicker, white marble–it will remind you of a wedding cake. (Cost: $260 and up; includes breakfast, dinner and gratuities; 800-387-4431.)
8. The Buckhorn Inn, Gatlinburg, Tenn. Certainly there are more exotic places to have your honeymoon than this archetypal tourist town. But you need never know that hundreds of wax museums, houses of horror, souvenir shops and taffy machines are anywhere in the vicinity if you stay close to the Buckhorn’s quiet glade.
On the hotel’s back porch, you can sit in side-by-side rocking chairs, look down a dewy meadow and up to the Smokies’ highest peaks. Consider one of the simple clapboard cottages with a screened porch, or the Tower, a converted water tower that has windows on all four sides, so you’re surrounded by blossoming red buds and dogwoods in springtime.
And if you still have a craving for the exotic, you’re not really that far from Hillbilly Golf, “The World’s Most Unusual Miniature Golf Course.” (Cost: $105 and up; includes country breakfast; 615-436-4668)
9. Little Palm Island, Little Torch Key, Fla. A perfume ad come to life. You check in at Little Torch Key (about an hour north of Key West), then get whisked away in a boat to a private island 3 miles away. It will take you about 20 minutes to walk all the way around Little Palm Island: It’s just big enough for a very good restaurant (cozy up to the maItre d’ so you can have a table on the beach), a small oasislike swimming pool and some very deluxe thatched-roof cottages.
The tiny beach doesn’t hold a candle to some of the stretches of sand you’ll find in the Caribbean, but you hardly have to share it with anyone and you certainly don’t have to hike to the bar. At night, retire to a bed swathed in mosquito netting (only for show–all the rooms are air-conditioned). In the morning, shower outdoors under a coconut palm. The rest of the time, you loll and loll and loll. Sounds awfully indulgent? If it’s good enough for Luke Perry’s honeymoon, it’s good enough for yours. (Cost: $385 and up; add $95 a day for the full American plan; 800-343-8567.)
10. Moorea, Tahiti and Bora-Bora, French Polynesia. It’s hard to be objective about Tahiti and its neighboring islands; hard because you spend much of your visit there thinking, “Oh, my God! I’m in Tahiti!” But yes, it really is worth the trip (seven hours from Los Angeles, and you arrive at 2:30 a.m.) and, with the exception of the premium-priced food, just about all the expense.
You dawdle in warm, calm, aquamarine lagoons so clear you can see your toes wriggling in the underwater sand. You rent a Jeep and tour through lush green valleys and up into the verdant volcanic hills with spectacular views of sweeping bays. The locals will endear themselves to you not only because they look just as Gaugin painted them, but because they love Americans and hate the French. And this may be your only chance to take a midnight walk on the beach without once thinking about looking over your shoulder.
In less than 24 hours, you’ll find anything more than a bathing suit and a pareo (men wear them, too) seem downright silly. The Sofitel chain has very comfortable hotels on each island, although Bora-Bora’s new Club Med and refurbished Hotel Bora-Bora have been getting rave reviews. Spend the money for an oceanside or overwater fare, the round Polynesian thatched bungalow. After all, how many times will you be in Tahiti, anyway? (Cost: A nine-day trip through Ted Cook Tour starts at $719 per person, air not included. Book through a travel agent.)
