She is the Ann Landers of cyberspace, dispensing advice to the lonely and lovelorn from her home computer. She also is part Dr. Ruth, offering tips on good computer sex and hints for flirting on-line.
Her computer code name is Delilah100, a persona that the Highland Park mother of three created after discovering that people liked to talk with her over the modem about matters of the heart.
Her real name is Deanna Warren, a former real estate broker who gave up an $80,000-a-year job to become a computer advice columnist, part-time teacher and author.
“It’s been tons of fun,” Warren, 53, said of her new career. “I think technology is so fun, and I love playing on the computer.”
From her home office, Warren writes columns, chats with her pals on-line and works on her latest cyber-ventures, which include an on-line magazine on the Internet. She is an easygoing woman who likes a good laugh and doesn’t take life too seriously. “Everything I do is with a touch of humor,” she said.
So who is Delilah100?
“She’s a middle-aged lady who dispenses advice from her home computer to people about relationships, with tips from her own experience and life,” Warren said. “I try to be as clever as I can with my answers.”
Warren’s first book, “Love on Line,” is a guide to getting connected and joining the crowd in cyberspace. It was published in 1994 by Eagle Press, a small company in South Carolina, with an initial press run of 1,000 copies. Distribution was limited, and sales were not what she had hoped for.
Knowing she wanted to write a book of short stories about on-line romance, she began looking through directories for agents and found one in Connecticut who suggested she expand her idea into a guidebook for love on-line.
She found her publisher while searching on-line and struck a deal. She did not receive an advance but would get royalties on the sales of the $10 book. “I didn’t make very much,” she said.
The book is a lighthearted look at on-line romance and on-line socializing. Warren also provided drawings for the book, which she created on her home computer.
But she has entered the big leagues now, with a book coming out early next year from Random House called “Ask Delilah About Cyberlove.” She sold the book after sending the publisher a letter and a copy of her first book on her own, without an agent.
“It’s unusual that an author would be picked up this way,” said Tracy Smith, Warren’s editor at Random House in New York City. “She had such a flair. She’s very professional. She had an excellent package.”
Smith said Warren’s new book distinguishes itself from other computer books on the subject that are often dry or so sexually explicit that they are offensive.
“Her approach was so fresh and charming,” Smith said. “It appeals to the average adult. It’s easy to understand. It’s soft and it’s tasteful.”
Besides working on her book, Warren writes an advice column for BBS Magazine, a computer bulletin board publication based in Medford, N.J., with worldwide distribution.
“I’m really lucky,” Warren said of her successes. “It’s like a miracle.”
On a typical day, Warren’s alarm sounds at 3:45 a.m. and she’s at the computer by 5, chatting on-line with her friends from throughout the world.
One of Warren’s favorite places on-line is a chat group for people over 40. She is so popular among the group that many have electronically sent her photographs of themselves. One guy sent pictures of his pickup truck. When she enters the over-40 room, people greet her with electronic hugs ((( ))) and kisses ****. She responds in kind and sends along sound bites that create audible kisses.
One of those electronic friends is Jim Wade of Chickasha, Okla. “I have known Deanna Warren for nearly two years, and although I have never met her personally, I find that she has become a true and trusted friend,” he said. “As with real-life friends, she laughs with you when you are happy and cries with you when you are sad. After the Oklahoma City bombing and the loss of friends I worked with, Deanna was there to give me comfort when I couldn’t say what I felt in words.
“Deanna is a witty, charming and articulate person. She is polite and at times a tease but always, always a lady. She has my utmost respect, and she will always remain my friend.” Then he added, “I find it amazing that people can become real friends through this on-line medium, and I think it will have a dramatic effect on our society.”
Warren’s husband, John, a hospital pathologist, has not taken as much interest in the social aspects of the home computer as his wife. But he is impressed with her success.
“I think it’s wonderful,” he said. “She interacts well with people, and it translates to the computer. That’s not surprising with her personality.”
Son Tim, 25, a graphic designer for a Chicago area toy company, is also proud of his mom, but, like his father, does not use his computer for socializing.
“I look at the computer as a work machine,” said Tim, who helped design his mother’s first book. “This is all new to her. I kind of take it for granted. I’ve been using computers since grade school.”
But he sees how much his mom enjoys her work. “She’s always talking about how excited she is about it,” Tim said. “She’s more of a social person than I am.”
Daughter Stephanie, 22, who is studying anthropology in Costa Rica, communicates with her mom on-line–that is, when the phone lines are working properly. Another son, Geoffrey, 23, a student at the University of Colorado in Boulder, also talks with his mom on-line.
Warren, a native of Colorado, taught junior high school English before moving to the Chicago area with her husband 20 years ago. She sold real estate in Lake County for 15 years. About three years ago, she felt an urge to get back into writing in a bigger way, having written some pieces for real estate trade publications.
“I really had forgotten how much I enjoyed writing,” she said. She began taking writing classes and searched for something to write about. She wanted to get published and sent story proposals to magazines about health, fitness and middle-age issues. It was discouraging at first.
“I sent out hundreds of query letters to all the magazines just to get my foot in the door,” she said. “It was difficult to find a niche where you could get anything published.”
Her first published stories were about real estate. But that got boring fast.
Then one of her writing teachers suggested the class get on-line so they could chat with each other and get involved in on-line writers’ conferences. When Warren saw how many people were chatting and socializing on-line, she was intrigued. It was a whole new world to her. She got updated computer equipment so she could communicate and receive information faster.
“Then I really started to go to town and decided that I’m going to write about something to do with this,” Warren said. “I saw it was hot stuff, cutting edge.”
She spent hours at the computer, trading stories with others, watching people flirt in chat groups and learning how computer users communicate. It got expensive, with bills reaching as high as $500 a month for her on-line service provider.
She sold stories to several magazines, including CompleteWoman in Chicago and BBS. Rick Robinson, editor of BBS, gave Warren her first shot at a column after seeing her book and reading some sample questions and answers.
“Traditionally, our readers have been very savvy about what’s on-line. But there are a lot of new readers and newcomers,” Robinson said. “Her material is mostly for newcomers or novices. There’s entertainment value and educational value.”
Warren said that socializing and looking for romance on-line are options for those who might not be able to meet in the outside world.
“The fun of meeting someone new and getting to know them in the safe environment of a computer is very attractive in our busy, often crazy world,” Warren writes in the introduction to the book.
“You can be creative, witty and far more outgoing than you might be at a cocktail party, where you are trying to meet people, especially that beautiful someone across the room.”
Warren believes that people can make meaningful and spiritual connections on-line because they judge each other not by their appearance, but by what they say.
“I think it allows people to be more honest about themselves and to explore things that they might be interested in,” she said.
“It’s safer to meet people this way.”
The book has tips for newcomers to the on-line world, including explanations of computer symbols that can indicate a person’s mood, a gesture or action like a kiss or a hug or laughing out loud.
While the book is all in good fun, Warren is careful to point out the downside of searching for love on-line and said people should take precautions to avoid a bruised or broken heart.
Of course, just like in the outside world, people can lie on-line. They may fabricate their backgrounds, exaggerate their physical attributes or even pretend they are the opposite sex, Warren said.
On the other hand, some people simply like to develop personas on-line and use them for nothing more than entertainment.
The anonymity can help some people overcome shyness.
“When people don’t know who you are, it frees you up to be more open to talk about something,” she said. “I think people are very open and honest for the most part on-line.”
Sometimes on-line friendships or romances turn into actual meetings-and surprises.
“When you meet people, they may not be what you thought they were at all,” Warren said. “But you know them from the inside. You know what their thinking is like. You know them in a deeper way. So physically, it doesn’t matter. On-line we don’t judge people. The superficial doesn’t get in the way of a relationship or friendship. Somebody who is clever or smart can be much more attractive on-line.”
She warns about on-line junkies taking time away from real-life relationships and flirting that can lead to cheating.
“I try not to encourage infidelity,” she said. “However, people do what they want to do. I try not to get into moralizing.”
Warren also addresses compusex, which she calls truly safe sex. It’s a popular game among computer users who meet in private rooms on-line and indulge in sexual word play and fantasy role playing. For example, Warren suggests how to have good compusex by using words describing touching and feeling.
“There’s lots of risque stuff on-line,” Warren said. “But it’s not pornographic. It’s just fine. It’s just crazy stuff.”
Like everything else, Warren advises computer users not to take it too seriously. It is meant to be fun.
“I think you have to keep everything in perspective,” she said. “I think you have to take a look at your life and see if you’re spending too much time on-line.”
HOW TO GET PERSONAL VIA THE INTERNET
For those who want to get connected with others over the computer, there are several ways to begin building friendships, romances or even future marriages on-line.
Many beginners subscribe to a major commercial on-line service such as America Online (in which the Tribune Co. has a minority interest), CompuServe or Prodigy. Most offer a free trial period and then charge a monthly fee, plus an hourly rate (usually a few bucks) if you exceed the time allotted under the monthly charge. While America Online, CompuServe and Prodigy also offer access to the Internet, there also are many companies providing Internet access only.
To find other people on-line, you can search for personals on message boards or in special-interest areas called news groups.
If you want immediate action, you can enter live chat rooms, which allow people to converse through the computer by typing in messages that are almost immediately posted on screen.
For those who want a more private conversation, they can choose private rooms and have intimate electronic conversations.
There also are chat groups and private rooms catering to all types of interests and sexual preferences.
Each on-line service has different instructions and computer icons to operate these functions. There are some private conversations that some people may find offensive, and the large commercial on-line services often have monitors who will take anyone off-line who exceeds the bounds of good taste.
Remember that people are not always honest on-line. Use caution as you would with any personal relationship. Have fun with it and always keep things in perspective.
On-line old-timers often use symbols or abbreviations. Here are a few:
LOL–Laugh Out Loud
FOCL–Falling out of chair laughing
KWIM–You know what I mean?
( )–Hug
OIC–Oh, I see
BRB–Be right back
WTGP–Want to go private?
Or, tilt your head 90 degrees to the left and look at these symbols, and you will get the picture:
:)–smile
;)–wink
: –censored
:*–kiss
:D–Big grin
