Linda OngVano says Juliet Borja is like a sister to her. “She’s very honest, and I really respect her as a person,” OngVano says. “You can call her 24 hours a day, and when you sit down and talk with her, it’s like an open book. I’d trust her with anything.”
Well, almost anything. Borja is also the real estate agent who sold OngVano a town home in northwest suburban Prospect Heights nearly two years ago. While neither woman sees anything unusual about mixing business and friendship, they know their bond has been forged with a limitation on how tight it can, and should, become.
“We have what you would call a business-like, professional relationship but with a very, very personal touch,” OngVano says. “I see nothing wrong with that at all.”
Neither do real estate agents and lawyers we interviewed, who agree that OngVano has struck the perfect balance in maintaining a friendship with her agent: She remembers they are business associates first, friends second.
The experts say that buyers and sellers should never transpose this distinction as they go through the process of buying or selling a property–and long after the deal is closed, too.
Blurring the line between personal friendships and business friendships can create the potential for false hopes and unmet expectations, Borja says.
Consider the seller who is angry that his home has not sold and fears it will not command an offer as high as other, faster-selling homes in his neighborhood. Or the buyer who is frustrated with her nine-month search for the just-right townhouse. People in these circumstances may unfairly demand more of agents who are friends than agents who are purely their agents.
Conversely, an agent may feel that his or her friendship with a client allows for short notice for showings–or, entitles the agent to a friend’s listing without any competition.
“You should have a friendly business relationship, but not a friendly friend relationship with a Realtor,” says Borja, of Coldwell Banker in Schaumburg. “The business should come before the friendship, not the friendship before the business.”
That sounds simple enough in the get-acquainted stage. But it would be a rare agent indeed who didn’t admit that interpersonal relations play a tremendous part in the ability to foster trust, confidence and even faith in their clients. It is a rarer buyer or seller who feels comfortable sharing such private information as income, bank balances and credit and employment history with an agent they dislike.
In the early stages, it might be called chemistry, rapport or a good personality match. Eric Whickmann, of John Greene Realty in Naperville, alternately calls it all three. It is the makings of a friendship, and it is as prevalent and crucial to real estate agents and their clients as it is to any professional relationship that requires a good deal of contact and communication, he says.
“I don’t necessarily encourage it (a friendship), but it happens, especially when you click with someone,” Whickmann says. Though buyers and sellers may say they are primarily concerned with an agent’s reputation and sales record, there is evidence they desire that they click, too.
“Consumers tell us constantly, through surveys, that they want to work with people they like,” says Laurene Janik, head legal counsel for the National Association of Realtors, which represents 750,000 members. “As long as Realtors don’t jeopardize their professional duties, don’t lose their objectivity, and don’t engage in a conflict of interest, they should be creating a good, friendly relationship with their clients.”
The relationship can become even stronger with time. Anyone who has endured an ulcer-inducing purchase or sale knows that hassles and aggravations tend to strengthen that bond. It is during trying times especially that people turn to their agents for empathy, support and encouragement–not exactly the prerequisites you’ll find in an agent’s contract.
“Buying and selling is an emotional experience. A Realtor who is totally professional–meaning impersonal–is missing an important ingredient in developing a strong rapport with his or her clients,” says Chris Read, training director at John Greene Realty. “A Realtor who is not developing warm fuzzies with clients is going to have problems.”
Many out-of-town buyers draw on that warmth long after they’ve moved in. Since agents can be the first friendly faces buyers encounter, these newcomers often rely on real estate brokers to ease their transition to an unfamiliar community where they have no family or other friends.
Through it all, buyers and sellers often learn that they share something else with their agents besides a real estate contract: Children, sports, cooking and outside business interests can add another dimension to, and solidify, an agent friendship.
Borja and OngVano are professional working women with children and both share the same Filipino ethnic heritage. Despite all their common interests, they won’t budge off the cardinal rule of agent-client friendships; they put their friendship second. Such diligence has made it easier for them to achieve the proper balance in their relationship–and to keep their friendship intact two years after they closed the transaction that brought them together in the first place. Moreover, adhering to the first rule makes following the other ones fairly simple:
1. Recognize that a little distance is a good thing. Far from being cool and aloof, neither buyers nor sellers should regard their agents as erstwhile confidantes to whom they can reveal their every intimate secret.
2. Remember that the rules still apply at social events. Many buyers and sellers have no qualms about inviting their agents to family barbecues, children’s birthday parties or even weddings. And many agents have no qualms about attending. But the social atmosphere shouldn’t skew that all-important balance.
At client parties, Beverly Hood, of Prudential Preferred Properties in Arlington Heights, is always introduced as “a Realtor and a friend.” “Note which one comes first,” she says. “Nobody should have a problem with that.”
3. Don’t expect your agent-friend to discount a commission. This is a touchy subject for agents, some of whom freely admit to providing “professional courtesies” to clients who provide volume referrals. But commission breaks are another matter.
“I would not offer a break on a commission just because of a friendship,” says one agent. “A real friend wouldn’t ask.”
4. Conversely, don’t feel obligated to give your listing to your agent-friend without competition from other agents.
Let’s say you’ve stayed friendly with the agent who sold you a home two years ago. Now you want to place that home on the market. Is your agent-friend entitled to your listing?
To further complicate the issue, let’s say a local agent who knows your neighborhood also boasts a better sales record than your agent-friend. Should you list your home with your friend anyway?
Greene Realty’s Whickmann concedes the seller may feel a sense of obligation because of the friendship.
“To an extent, it’s unfair” to the seller, he says. But the seller, he adds, is the one holding the cards. He or she shouldn’t have any qualms about interviewing other agents and ultimately signing on with the one he or she thinks will do the best job.
“The goal for the seller is to end up with no remorse or regret,” Whickmann says.
The agent-friend who ends up on the losing end of such a proposition may be left with some hurt feelings. And the seller may feel he or she has jeopardized, if not doomed, the friendship. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
“If both parties, the seller and the Realtor, truly put the business before the friendship, there shouldn’t be any remorse or hurt feelings,” he says. “It’s that simple.”
5. Expect your agent-friend to be just as honest and forthright with you as a perfect stranger when it comes to money issues.
Prudential’s Hood has tried to temper the illusions of sellers who wanted to list their properties at inflated prices, or who insisted on holding out for more money than they would ever get. These conversations can turn heated and nasty if sellers use the friendship as a rationale for an agent’s acquiescence (though certainly, some clients might rightfully expect even more candor from a friend).
“Some people think that if you don’t agree with them, you’re not their friend or you’re no longer even friendly,” Hood says. “That’s not true. Realtors have to be honest and sincere with all their clients.”
