`Are you legal?” The question blind-sided Jim Rehnberg. Friend and then-Naperville neighbor Ron Smith simply dropped the casual, yet prophetic, query on an unsuspecting Rehnberg one afternoon in early 1983.
It was to be, it turns out, first in a succession of questions Rehnberg would field in years to come. That watershed moment, a split second in time, gave way to a vocation he had never imagined.
Today Jim Rehnberg, a 42-year-old resident of Geneva, is a professional wedding chaplain, a full-time matrimonial minister, if you will. He is a shepherd whose flock is the betrothed, a pastor whose sanctuary can be a grove in the forest preserve, a sky box at Wrigley Field or a gondola atop the Navy Pier Ferris wheel. He sets no heavenly or earthly limits on where he will go to join folks in wedlock.
Rehnberg also works part time for Resource Alliance Inc., a mediation consulting firm in Geneva. His wife of 20 years, Margy, owns a Geneva women’s clothing store called Charisma. They have two children; Chad, 18, is a student at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Va., and Charissa, 17, is a senior at Geneva High School.
Gayle Hinsberger, owner of a Naperville wedding consulting business, The Wedding Center, “can’t say enough good things about Jim. He is so good at what he does. He takes a very personal interest in the (engaged) couple, applies his very special gifts and creates a ceremony they will never forget.”
It was those very special gifts that Ron and Lydia Smith, now of Elgin, sought for their May ’83 wedding in the little pagoda at Fabyan Forest Preserve in Batavia. Yet Rehnberg recalled when Smith first broached the subject: “I didn’t know if he was serious or joking. We had been talking about his upcoming wedding.”
Smith, Rehnberg said, “knew I was, had been, an ordained minister, but it never occurred to me that he wanted to know if I could legally perform his marriage ceremony.”
Very nearly the last thing on Rehnberg’s mind that fateful day in 1983 was his former religious calling. Sure, he had a bachelor’s degree in biblical studies from Wheaton College and a master of divinity degree from Bethel Seminary in St. Paul. Yes, he had pastored a small evangelical free church in St. Paul for nearly six years.
Yet in 1983 Rehnberg was in the middle of a five-year occupational odyssey. In 1980, he said, he began to ask some serious career questions. With a wife and two small children, the life of a mendicant was unfulfilling in every aspect.
“When I got a raise in 1980 to $210 a week, I felt not only a spiritual and emotional but a financial emptiness in my life,” he said. He and Margy prayed for direction, and Rehnberg retired from the ministry. In 1982, they moved to Naperville, where Rehnberg’s father-in-law operated a business.
Between 1980 and 1985, he said, “I sold industrial diamonds. I did religious fundraising for Living Bibles International. I sold life insurance.”
From ’85 until ’94 Rehnberg worked for his father-in-law as a manufacturer’s representative selling gas station equipment while moonlighting as a free-lance matrimonial minister. Last year Rehnberg’s avocation went full time when his father-in-law closed the agency.
However, in 1983, “I thought my ministerial days were over,” Rehnberg said, “but when Ron asked me to marry them, I couldn’t refuse.”
Friends who attended that ceremony urged Rehnberg to pursue a career officiating at weddings. Hinsberger, a neighbor, dubbed him Reverend Jim, a tongue-in-cheek reference to the Christopher Lloyd character on the TV show “Taxi,” and helped launch his new career.
What surprised Rehnberg was how much delight he took in performing nuptials. No longer the retired clergyman, this incurable curate had found his calling. He said he truly enjoys “being there for the God issues, the interpersonal issues associated with marriage.
“So Gayle and I went to wedding trade shows,” he said, “and I passed out my cards. She wrote a story about me in her (now defunct) wedding magazine. I married two couples who were in the wedding business. That gave me tremendous visibility.”
Word spread. Although Rehnberg is unwilling to talk numbers, he confessed to 13 marriage ceremonies that first year. By 1986 the number jumped to 150.
He also demurs to questions about money but admitted, “When I first started, my fee was $75–until I learned bartenders (at weddings) were paid four times that amount.” On average he meets with the couple once for a comprehensive interview, then sees them again at the wedding rehearsal.
“I’ll meet with them more often if it helps reduce their anxiety level,” he said, though once is usually enough.
On a recent weekend Rehnberg had six weddings, five rehearsals and one pre-wedding meeting. His time is frequently booked months in advance. Despite the harried schedule, Hinsberger said, each couple feels as though their wedding is the only one he performs. It is what sets him apart from other ministers.
Marty and Linda Allamian of Wayne attest to that. Their July wedding on the lawn at Pheasant Run Resort in St. Charles not only captivated the assembled 200 invited guests, it attracted an additional 200 or so resort guests, according to Linda.
“People came up to us afterward, people we didn’t even know. They asked where we met Jim and how long we knew him. Truth is, we’d met a few weeks before the ceremony,” Linda said, adding, “but he made us feel like ours was the only wedding he’s ever performed, like we were old friends.”
Rehnberg relishes the opportunity to be a part of his clients’ families on their special day. “I get to be adopted for the day,” he said with palpable enthusiasm. Others see it and respond.
Victor and Lori Johnston of Naperville had a list of ministers to choose from for their July wedding. Rehnberg’s name was first on the list, and they planned to interview everyone, Victor said.
He recalled, “I went into the interview (with Rehnberg) skeptical. When we left his house, I said to Lori, `We gotta have him! Forget the others.’ “
Two of Rehnberg’s very special qualities, according to Sharon Braden of Glen Ellyn, are innate common sense and flexibility. He molds each ceremony to the specific personal needs of the couple. Rehnberg united Sharon, a retired bridal shop owner, and husband Bob 11 years ago.
“He bothers to get to know who you are, not in a superficial way. His interest is genuine. As a result, each ceremony is very personal,” Braden said.
“He talked about our childhood during the service as if he’d known us all our lives, as if he’d known our families all their lives,” said Victor Johnston, who recently moved to Naperville to become general manager of Outback Steakhouse.
Hinsberger said, “There is a demand for his service because this area has so many recently relocated people.” In the busy-ness of their daily lives, they don’t have a church membership. It is, she said, a standard requisite in most religions for a wedding ceremony.
Rehnberg sees the wedding day as a link between past and future. “A wedding is only one day. Marriage is forever. Our expectations for marriage are rooted in our past, how our parents’ marriage was,” he said. Therefore he asks a lot of questions when he meets with couples. “Then I can draw both families into the ceremony, because, although we say vows to only one person, we are really marrying the whole family,” he said.
He never asks the traditional speak-now-or-forever-hold-your-peace question. Instead Rehnberg asks, “Do you as family and friends give your blessing and affirmation to this couple? Will you please offer them advice based on your wisdom and years of experience?” He pauses. “But not until they ask for it?”
“That usually gets a laugh and helps break down barriers,” Rehnberg said, “particularly with intercultural marriages.”
Intercultural and interfaith weddings are a kind of specialty for Rehnberg because couples generally prefer a neutral location over choosing one religion or the other. Another specialty is marrying couples who, for one reason or another, are not official members of a church.
“My clients are often folks who have very deep religious roots but may have fallen away from organized religion,” Rehnberg said. This son of a Swedish Baptist minister says he can identify since his own roots are deep; “I have a little hole in my head into which only a Baptist funnel will fit.” He is currently a member of Christ Community Church in St. Charles.
Braden, who has referred many couples to him, said Rehnberg is highly respected by traditional pastoral ministers across religious lines. He sees himself not in competition with them so much as supplementing their work.
Rev. Bill Yaccino, director of the single adult ministry at Christ Community Church in St. Charles, says, “If we can’t perform a wedding service for one reason or another, I don’t hesitate to refer the couple to Jim.”
“The normal parish minister is so swamped serving his or her own congregation, they don’t have time to serve others. I’m perfectly comfortable not having the pastoral relationship where there’s a constant obligation. I’m very pleased to be available on call,” Rehnberg said.
On call indeed. Weddings aren’t the only ceremonies he performs. Sharon Braden knows people he has married who ask him to baptize their babies. At the specific request of one bride’s grandmother, Rehnberg recently officiated at her funeral service. Hinsberger called on him to perform the memorial service when her son died in a snowmobile accident.
Rehnberg, or Rent-A-Rev, as friends fondly call him, has carved a niche for himself and his God-given gifts.
A few months ago the phone in Rehnberg’s office rang. A voice asked, “Reverend, how do you feel about heights?” Several weeks later, he was in a gondola perched high atop the Navy Pier Ferris wheel while a jubilant couple exchanged vows.
What’s next? “Well, I haven’t performed any hot tub weddings yet,” he quipped.
Don’t ask.
