Dear Miss Manners — Is one expected to accept the offer of a cup of coffee when having one’s hair cut? If so, is one supposed to sip it while bits of hair tumble down or just set it aside? I could understand if one had to sit in the waiting area or wait for a perm or hair dye to take, but when I decline, one salon owner seems hurt, as if I were a guest in her home.
Gentle Reader — Miss Manners assures you that even in someone’s home you are allowed to decline coffee with thanks. It is the offering, not the acceptance, that symbolizes friendliness. So much for the etiquette of the situation. The logistics are not Miss Manners’ department, but since you ask, should you want coffee, surely you could reach for it when the cutting stops and you are asked how you think you look.
Dear Miss Manners — When friends returned from a six-month vacation, my husband and I gave them a welcome-back party and invited 50 couples, many of whom traveled long distances.
A few minutes after the guests of honor arrived, they and another couple proceeded to play cards. At no time did they break to socialize with others. In fact, they would ask passing guests to bring them food from the buffet. Some guests complained and left quietly.
When the subject was brought up a few days later, my guest of honor emphatically stated it was her party and she could do anything she wanted, and I should not have expected her to hold my hand, or any of the other guests’ hands, for that matter. I replied I didn’t expect that, but I did think it would have been nice for them to take an occasional break and socialize.
In her opinion, my idea of etiquette is wrong. She has brought it up many times in front of others and has had a good laugh at my expense.
Our friendship has never been the same. I am not one to press who is right and who is wrong, especially with one who exudes etiquette, but I am tired of being made the fool. If you say I’m wrong, I will apologize and bear the laughter.
Gentle Reader — It used to be just brides who stamped their little satin-shod feet and declared unbecomingly, “It’s my day, and I can do anything I want,” at the expense of their guests.
That would be mean enough, if they didn’t all then go and declare themselves etiquette experts. Etiquette, the most devout guardian of the sacred notion of hospitality!
Miss Manners assures you that you need not worry about being rude, but you should worry about such rude people being your friends (as she worries about their claiming to be her followers). That is not etiquette which this person exudes.
No one should attend, much less give, a party for someone — or marry someone — with such an attitude. Miss Manners’ advice is that when you hear that statement about “I can do anything I want” — run.
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Address your etiquette questions to Miss Manners, in care of The Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.
