One way to test for spring is to watch for the appearance of buds on the trees, golf clubs in the car trunk and household detritus in the alleyways.
Another is to watch the network television schedule for the name of one those writers whose books abound at airport newsstands.
When you see one of those names in proximity to the word “mini-series,” it’s a safe bet that spring sweeps period is imminent.
And, indeed, the May television-season-ending festival of pandering for ratings brings us NBC’s version of Peter Benchley’s “The Beast” (Sunday and April 29), the story of a bloodthirsty oceanic behemoth and his victims, as well as ABC’s filming of Larry McMurtry’s “Dead Man’s Walk” (May 12 and 13), yet another iteration of the author’s “Lonesome Dove” characters, this time offering Gus and Woodrow as whippersnappers.
It sends Jay Leno to Chicago for a week of “Tonight Shows” (beginning April 29) and David Letterman to San Francisco for a week of “Late Shows” (May 6).
It also, of course, brings such a rush of births and weddings as to satisfy even the most fervid fan of “family values.”
“Grace Under Fire,” “Roseanne,” “NYPD Blue” and “Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman” are among the series that will visit the Ob-Gyn ward or at least come close to sending someone down the aisle during the coming month.
But the motivation for pumping up the programming isn’t political. The quarterly, month-long sweeps periods are the times of year when the Nielsen ratings people most closely measure television viewership, seeking insight into TV watching even in sparsely populated areas that aren’t so precisely charted. It’s also when the networks are trying to give as much of a boost to their local affiliates as is possible. In ratings points, there is ad revenue, goes the television mantra.
Here, then, is a quick gloss on some of the networks’ other weapons of choice in the coming sweeps period, which starts Sunday:
– Made-for-TV Movies with Alluring Titles: In “Shattered Mind” (NBC, May 27) it’s Heather Locklear’s turn to lobby for artistic respectability by playing a multiple-personality sufferer. “She Woke Up Pregnant” (ABC, Sunday) stars not Madonna, but Michele Greene, who knows the father isn’t her husband but has no memory beyond that. In “My Son Is Innocent” (ABC, May 6), Marilu Henner defends her teen son against rape charges. “The Stepford Husbands” (CBS, May 14) is the distaff version of the 1975 theatrical movie about robotic spouses. “Princess in Love” (CBS, May 15) tells the endearing story of Diana’s adultery with James Hewitt. And in “No One Would Tell” (NBC, May 6), Fred “Wonder Years” Savage plays a secretly abusive campus dreamboat.
– Specials Aimed at National Enquirer Readers: The titles speak for themselves. “Oops! World’s Funniest Outtakes” (Fox, May 19); “All-New All-Star TV Censored Bloopers–Fat Free!” (NBC, May 25); “Miss Universe Pageant” (CBS, May 17); “Secrets of the World’s Greatest Escape Artists” (ABC, May 9); “Put to the Test II” (ABC, May 11), a sequel to an earlier, alleged test of paranormal powers.
– (Probably) Bloated Mini-series: In the aforementioned “Beast,” William Petersen stars as Robert Shaw–that is, as a fishing boat captain who sets out to battle the homicidal underwater whatzit. “Larry McMurtry’s Dead Man’s Walk” replaces Robert Duvall and Tommy Lee Jones with, um, Johnny Lee Miller and David Arquette–really. “A Season in Purgatory” (CBS, May 5 and 7) stars Brian Dennehy, Sherilyn Fenn and Blair Brown in Dominick Dunne’s quasi-factual tale of hidden murder in a patrician New England family. And “Every Knee Shall Bow: The Siege at Ruby Ridge” (CBS, May 19 and 21) gives us Randy Quaid and Laura Dern in the story of this far-right rallying point.
– Stunt Casting on Series: Among other blessed events, watch the networks for Mandy Patinkin returning to “Chicago Hope,” Laraine Newman on “Friends,” The Temps and the Tops on “New York Undercover,” Pauly Shore on “Beverly Hills, 90210,” Priscilla Presley on “Melrose Place,” Sally Jessy Raphael on “Touched by an Angel,” and Tim Conway on “Cybill.”
– Series Finales: It’s curtains for “Murder, She Wrote” (May 19), “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” (May 20), “Sisters” (May 4) and not, unfortunately, “Caroline in the City.” Have a good month!
