Getting his Irish up, a Dr. Joseph Cummiskey paused at poolside, where he spoke only on the condition that he not remain anonymous.
“I am the official physician for the swim team of Ireland,” said the good doctor, “and I wonder. You Americans ask why our girl is going so fast all of a sudden, but you don’t ask why it is that your girl is going so slow. Why is this? What has happened to Janet Evans?”
Now then, before you get your nose clips out of joint, rest assured Evans still can keep her appointment with history. It’s just that, not unlike the transportation system steered by the Mylanta Games disorganizing committee, a little extra speed would be nice.
Victory in Thursday night’s 800-meter freestyle will bring Evans her fifth Olympic gold medal, tying Bonnie Blair for most ever by an American woman. Problem is, Evans’ fabled finishing kick appears lost at sea.
It befalls us all in our dotage. We paddle just as hard. We just don’t get there as quickly. Alas, Evans is a fossil of 24, some 7 inches taller and 18 pounds heavier than ’88 in Seoul, where she excelled. More challenges and perhaps less confidence than ’92 in Barcelona, where she starred again.
And there was her eminence Wednesday morning, qualifying with merely the sixth-best time after wading out the very last heat to learn whether she’d earned one more Olympic final Thursday night. At least, Evans will partake.
In the 400 freestyle preliminaries Monday, she washed out while Ireland’s Michelle Smith made all the waves. She showed up tardy, and it had nothing to do with MARTA. Smith was allowed to participate anyway, then she beat the clock as never before, and then whispers became headlines.
“Drugs?” said Dr. Cummiskey. “We have this belief. Negative until proven positive. Michelle has been tested before, she’s been tested here, and they’re all clean. I shouldn’t say all. The last race, we’re supposed to get the result in 24 hours, but it must be on one of these buses.”
If Michelle Smith cheated, she is surely not the first, and book it that she won’t be the last. But of course, it’s never American athletes who are dirty. It’s always the foreigners doing the foreign substances. Olympic fever affects us in different ways, yet we all seem to agree that legal performance enhancement is a patent of Yankee ingenuity.
Just as conveniently, American ringheads forget that seven other swimmers also beat Evans in the 400 freestyle qualifying. Were they all strung out on something too? Not likely, but why let facts interfere with a manufactured controversy?
Evans should have taken the high road, but didn’t. Though she never directly accused Smith, Evans did say she heard “some conversations” about the Irish girl. It wasn’t Carl Lewis blasting Ben Johnson (and being proven correct) but Evans did sort of leave the issue hanging. Which was unfortunate, as disappointing as her farewell tour here.
That could change Thursday night, of course, if Evans musters one more grand performance. Americans expect it, and that is the upside of the new and improved U.S. team. A lot of the men are as loud and pompous as ever, but the women have become, quite literally, the better half.
Janet Evans is part of the reason, a major part, win or lose Thursday night, broken toe and all.
“But she is a part-time swimmer and part-time businesswoman,” Dr. Cummiskey cautioned. “Michelle is a full-time swimmer, devoted to her sport, and she cannot even practice properly in Ireland because we don’t have a 50-meter pool.
“You, you’re from Chicago with a large Irish population and an Irish mayor. Maybe your city can contribute the funds and build us a 50-meter pool. Is that possible?”
Will you settle for Soldier Field?
