You’ve always dreamed of doing something interesting with your life. Like becoming an astronaut or a circus clown. Maybe a special agent for the FBI.
Well, here’s your chance.
If you’ve floated through the last few years with your head in the clouds, consider getting paid to do it full time. NASA is always looking for a few good space cadets. Astronaut training takes two years at the Johnson Space Center in Houston.
To apply to become a mission specialist, you need a bachelor’s degree in English, math or science, plus three years of related experience, which could include grad school. If you’re applying to be a pilot, you need 1,000 hours of pilot-in-command experience.
Oddly enough, this is considered a standard government job, so you fill out a standard government job application. But you also have to pass a week of interviews and physicals. This year, NASA picked 35 out of 2,300 applicants. The youngest was 28. Three-quarters of astronaut trainees are men.
Six months after graduation, you’re assigned to a flight crew, says NASA spokeswoman Eileen Hawley, but you don’t start galloping through galaxies right away. “People don’t realize how little of their time astronauts actually spend in space,” says Hawley. “You spend six months or a year training for a lift that’s a week to two weeks long. You spend a lot of time not flying.”
You also have to move to Houston, permanently.
The minimum starting salary is $35,815, but depending on your experience, you might start as high as $78,419. For information, write to NASA, Johnson Space Center, Astronaut Selection AHX, Houston, Texas 77058.
– If you’re going to be the class clown, you might as well do it right. At the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Clown College in Sarasota, Fla., you’ll master the essential arts of throwing pies in people’s faces and cramming into a tiny car with a bunch of other jokers.
Clown college takes silliness seriously. You’ll spend 12 hours a day, six days a week, for eight weeks, learning juggling, unicycling, mime, improvisation and makeup. The circus hires half the graduates to become apprentice clowns. The first-year salary is $225 per week.
About 1,000 clown wannabes audition every year, and 30 are picked. The next auditions are Nov. 14 at Rosemont Horizon and Nov. 21 at the United Center. To apply, you must be at least 17, a high school graduate and a U.S. citizen. Questions on the written application include when was the last time you cried, what are your favorite books and how do you face a new day.
There is no tuition fee; students at Clown College pay only their living expenses. Call 800-755-9637 or write to P.O. Box 1528, Venice, Fla. 34284.
If you just want to clown around for a little while–and a little closer to home–the University of Wisconsin at La Crosse offers week-long and weekend-long clown camps. You can choose from several classes, including ventriloquism, skits and parades. Tuition is $300, plus room and board.
You can earn one-sixth of a college credit for attending a camp. Call 608-785-6500.
– If watching “The Untouchables” left you gunning for more action, sign up for a career with the Feds.
The FBI Academy in Quantico, Va., trains special agents to battle organized crime, civil rights violations, extortion, kidnapping, drug-trafficking and bank robbery. You’ll spend 15 weeks getting in shape, learning defensive tactics and using firearms. After graduation, you have to move wherever the FBI wants to place you.
To qualify for Quantico, you must be 23 to 36 years old, a citizen of the U.S. or the Northern Mariana Islands, and a college graduate. In addition, you must either have three years of full-time work experience, be fluent in a foreign language, be eligible to take the CPA exam or have a law degree.
Since you’ll be chasing bad guys, you have to be in great shape. You also have to pass a written test, an interview, polygraph test, drug test and a thorough background check.
Last year, about 40,000 people applied to become special agents and 700 made it to the academy. The starting salary, which starts during training, is about $35,000. But you can expect to make several thousand more per year in overtime once you graduate. For an application, contact the Chicago field office at 312-431-1333. Check out their Web page at http://www.fbi.gov.
– If you’re not exactly a people person–living people, that is–consider a career in mortuary sciences. In one year, the Worsham College of Mortuary Science in Wheeling trains you to become a licensed funeral director and embalmer. You’ll learn everything you need to know about anatomy, chemistry, pathology, restorative arts, embalming, psychology, funeral arrangements and funeral etiquette.
You’re not just dealing with dead bodies all day, says Margaret Goszczynski, a psychology and sociology instructor at the college. “You’re also dealing with grieving survivors and with the business aspects of running a funeral home. It’s a very ethical profession, and it takes a certain kind of person to deal with tragedy, the same way firefighters and medical personnel do,” she says.
Applicants must have completed 30 semester hours of college. Tuition, books and fees cost $7,000. Call 847-808-8444 or write to 495 Northgate Parkway, Wheeling, Ill. 60090.
– If you love gambling, but hate losing, become a casino dealer. Bright lights and big city–or at least neon lights and the desert–await students at the National Academy for Casino Dealers in Las Vegas.
You can take classes in poker, craps, blackjack, roulette and other games. Classes on each game range from 5 to 35 weeks, and cost between $245 and $1,596. According to the school, you only need to be licensed in one game to become a dealer. Dealers earn minimum wage plus tips. You might not be able to get a gaming work permit if you have an extensive criminal record, or you’re currently on parole or probation. To apply, write 557 E. Sahara Ave., Suite 110, Las Vegas, Nev. 89104 or call 702-735-4884.
