Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. The custom may be mere superstition, but most brides give it its due. Piling on the options to observe this adage is practically gospel these days.
But there’s a limit to the substance behind all those “somethings.” Sure, they add a bit more meaning to the day. British folklore holds that “something old” is a connection to family; “something new” represents a fresh start; “something borrowed” brings good luck (especially if it was worn by a happily married bride on her wedding day); and “something blue” ensures truth and fidelity.
Yet it’s a prosaic practice compared with the rich wedding rituals and traditions couples may have in their backgrounds. A couple of Greek descent, for example, might tie two freshly baked loaves of bread together with white ribbon and flowers, then cut the strand at a certain time during their wedding ceremony, says Millie Bratten, editor-in-chief of Bride’s magazine. Or they may be showered with sugared almonds as they leave the church, a practice also common in Italian tradition, she adds.
A Polish bride can guarantee attention with “a gigantic, flamboyant garland of flowers” atop her head, says Lucyna Migala, the artistic director and general manager of the Lira Ensemble, a professional Polish performing arts company. “By tradition, every regional folk costume in Poland has its own garland, and on your wedding day it’s exaggerated to enormous proportions so everyone knows you’re the bride.”
Also, no self-respecting Polish or Italian bride would be caught at her wedding reception without a purse, and “it’s not for lipstick or a hairbrush,” says Bratten. It’s for all those envelopes, or the money a Polish bride may collect during the “dollar dance.”
Hindu couples have drama on their side, because their union is sealed by circling an open fire seven times, says Rani Jain, a New Delhi native transplanted to Oak Park. So forget the ring exchange; at their weddings (and thereafter) Indian women wear masses of gold or glass bangles on their wrists, a bindi (the traditional mark worn on a forehead) and a mangal sutra (an elegant necklace of black beads), Jain says.
They also far outshine their Westernized “sisters” decked out in white, because ornamentation is such a large part of their wedding garb. They wear as much gold jewelry as possible, all gleaming brightly (the karat content is higher in India) and brimming with color-much of it is embellished with bright enamel work. And they decorate their hands with designs drawn in henna that take hours to apply. These drawings, both painstakingly intricate and remarkably beautiful, are said to ward off evil spirits and insure luck.
So why should we rely on someone else’s rituals when all of us have our own? Customs that tie a couple to historic tradition not only have much more meaning, they can be far more wondrous, romantic, creative and downright fun.
The African-American custom of “jumping the broom,” for example, was a practice that replaced a formal ceremony when slaves weren’t allowed to marry. This custom, in which the man and woman held hands and jumped over a broom placed on the floor, was part of the wedding of Phyllis and William Bell of Akron, when they married three years ago.
“I wanted to do something that paid homage to my culture,” says Phyllis, “but didn’t know what to do until I got the broom as a shower gift.”
And oh, what a broom it was, covered with lavish ivory lace and lustrous cowrie shells. These two features forged an appropriate union. Lace has long been identified with the Western bride, while cowrie shells were once used for money in Africa and today are a symbol of beauty and power in many African cultures.
Today, this decorative broom, an enduring reminder of their marriage and heritage, adorns a wall in the Bells’ home.
And who knows? It may be used at other family weddings in the future; the Bells recently became parents for the first time.
Phyllis Bell sees the custom in action more and more right now. “I’ve been to a number of weddings where the couple have jumped the broom,” she reports. The broom has meaning in many African cultures-it signifies the start of homemaking for the newlywed couple-making it a poignant symbol for many ethnic groups.
In fact, the Bells’ experiences are part of a growing trend. “Right now, many couples want to recapture their own culture and introduce traditions or rituals that reflect their heritage into their weddings,” says Maria McBride-Mellinger, author of the recently published handbook, “The Perfect Wedding” (HarperCollins, $40).
At McBride-Mellinger’s wedding, her mother, who is Guatemalan, wrapped the bride and groom in a long, braided ceremonial silver necklace. After the ceremony, McBride-Mellinger wore the necklace looped around her neck.
Couples today, more than ever before, Bratten says, incorporate ethnic and family customs in their weddings in a variety of ways-through music, food, ritual items or the attire they choose to wear.
When people of Polish descent incorporate cultural traditions into their weddings, “frequently it’s a hymn or a dance,” says Migala,whose performance company provides special music at weddings.
Food and garb were both important elements to Sachiko Hotoda, owner of the Japanese restaurant Sanko on Chicago’s North Side, when her daughter, Rei, married six years ago.
It was an enterprising way to weave two cultures together; the man Rei married was of Italian descent.
Luscious dishes from both cultures were arranged on a huge buffet, and Rei wore a kimono (the same one Sachiko wore in Japan years earlier) for the ceremony, changing into a traditional white wedding dress for the reception.
Food figures prominently for the Chinese as well, says Rachel Chin of Hinsdale, who was born in Shanghai. (She came to the United States to attend college.)
“It’s an old custom for the bride to take food in baskets to the groom’s family before they are married. And it can get quite elaborate,” Chin says, with the selections ranging from live poultry and meats to cakes and sweets.
It’s no surprise that the baskets, which usually feature four or five stacked compartments, are often as elaborate as the food, making them a likely bet to see lots of use later.
Ritual items can be just as enduring. Southwestern Pueblo Indian groups drink from two-spouted wedding jugs to symbolize the joining of two families. For Hopis, the jug would be white, while Rio Grande Pueblos use red or black wedding vases.
But in fact, “there are scores of customs for a couple of Native American descent to choose from since there are so many recognized tribes in the United States today,” says Jonathan Haas, MacArthur curator of North American anthropology at the Field Museum of Natural History.
In some cultures a woman must catch her hair in side buns until she marries, after which she can wear it down, he says. “Finding the right customs to adapt just takes a little research.”
So why not bring these rituals into play to enhance the day?
Wear traditional jewelry that has cultural significance, suggests McBride-Mellinger. For instance, Japanese brides years ago received pearls-extremely valuable before the cultured varieties were developed-instead of engagement rings. And beads of every kind were bestowed upon African brides.
Garters can be gussied up to be far more meaningful. Their role in wedding festivities harks back to medieval days, when wedding guests ripped a bride’s dress to shreds to have a remembrance of the wedding. The bits of lace were believed to bring luck-though not to the bride, obviously.
Garters can be given heirloom quality by making them out of antique lace or embroidering them with the wedding date or your initials, suggests McBride-Mellinger. And “it’s OK to forgo the garter toss,” she adds.
Explore the language of flowers, McBride-Mellinger suggests. Ivy is for fidelity, roses for love; these may be incorporated into a bouquet.
McBride-Mellinger’s wedding planner has some information on traditions, as do her previous two books- “The Wedding Dress” (Random House, $40) or “Bridal Flowers” (Little, Brown & Co., $25.95)-and Bride’s magazine has two books in print that elaborate on ethnic wedding rituals: “Bride’s All New Book of Etiquette” (Perigee, $15.95) and “Bride’s New Ways to Wed” (Perigee, $6.95).
So feel free to seal the future with a touch of the past-in your own way, of course.
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Resources: Some Things Borrowed
(Sunday Magazine, page 28): From top, left to right, African beads, at Window to Africa; pearls, by Carolee,
1-800-227-6533, to order; Judith Leiber handbag, at Neiman Marcus; lacy garter, at The Ultimate Bride; Chinese wedding basket, at Decoro; ceremonial breads, by John Moorehouse Catering; wedding jugs, at American West; bouquet, by Florabunda; David Yurman silver bangles with gold kisses, at Neiman Marcus and rolling bracelet in gold, at Cartier.
Special thanks to: Beza Assegu, Ashinafi Belay, Jan Berendsen, Jill Bunton, Connie Chan, Peter Chandani, Elissa Farmilant, Chris Garber, Jan Lorys, Joanne Mamey, James M. Mezilson, Beverly Moser, Vinita and Nalini Pararam, Pam Powers, Susanne Santos, Lavinia Tackbary, Amy Turner and Loretta Wilger.
