You don’t have to watch much of “McHale’s Navy” to see what a concentrated effort it must have been to make this a PG film — not an R, not even PG-13. After all, the story of a bootlegging, beach-bum skipper and his five merry, hairy mates looking for fun and adventure in a Caribbean paradise sounds more like the premise of a porn movie than a family romp.
But in the hands of director Bryan Spicer, who draws on his experience directing “Mighty Morphin Power Rangers,” “McHale’s Navy” is Hollywood’s idea of good, clean, family fun. And we all know what that means: lots of gunfights, plenty of high-speed chases and, of course, tons of really cool explosions.
As the retired McHale returning to action and saving the day from Tim Curry’s bad guy, Tom Arnold makes a passable clown. Top clown honors, however, go to David Alan Grier as the supremely clumsy Ensign Parker. In one of the film’s many gestures of kid-friendliness, McHale is coach of the island’s Little League team and big-brother friend to his star infielder.
“Anaconda” (PG-13) — An old-time monster movie with a 40-foot special-effects snake. Older kids will relish this eye-popping frightfest, but the snake’s mode of killing — it crushes hapless victims, including the good guys and a young woman, in its coils — is strong stuff for small fry.
“B.A.P.S.” (PG-13)–It wants to be kinder and gentler, but this fish-out-of-water comedy from Robert Townsend ends up dumb and dumber. At least the message tries to be positive, and the strong language and sexual content are watered down sufficiently.
“Cats Don’t Dance ” (G)–This animated film — about a cool cat with fast feet who goes to Hollywood in the ’30s, gets his hopes dashed and tries again — is a toe-tapping treat for the family. The songs are lively and the message (follow your dream) affirmative.
“Dante’s Peak” (PG-13)–Special-effects specialists give us the state of the art in flowing lava, avalanches, a town destroyed by an earthquake, fires, a helicopter crash, and other calamities that may be too much for younger children. Besides the intense action, though, there’s a decent story line.
“The Devil’s Own” (R)–A member of the Irish Republican Army (Brad Pitt) runs for his life and gets a helping hand from a family man and cop (Harrison Ford). Violence, language, a father shot in front of his young son, mature themes.
“The Empire Strikes Back” (PG)–The most exciting and imaginative entry of the “Star Wars” trilogy. Unless parents object to a few dark overtones or the faux Zen of Jedi master/Muppet Yoda, this is one to show the kids for posterity.
“Fierce Creatures” (PG-13)–This is a zany comedy about cuddly critters and a strange zoo, but the wackiness isn’t aimed at tots. The late-breaking comic bite — not to mention the cleavage shots, incessant sex talk and an accidental murder played for laughs — make this a joke-fest for only the most mature teens.
“First Strike” (PG-13)–Jackie Chan kicks international butt in this stunt-filled, violence-packed action romp. With no sex, very little swearing and a brief bit of non-sexual male nudity, “First Strike” is more harmless than your average Hollywood shoot-’em-up.
“Fools Rush In” (PG-13)–This comedy about a couple’s adjustment to married life (starring Salma Hayek and Matthew Perry of “Friends”) is refreshing for their growth from self-absorbed young singles to two people accepting responsibility for their actions. Language and adult issues make this a movie for adults or mature teens.
“Ghosts of Mississippi” (PG-13)–Decidedly placid for a film about a racist killer and his victim’s wife, “Ghosts” does contain one violent scene and strong language. It doesn’t have the action or the look to hold a tot’s attention.
“Hamlet” (PG-13)–Kenneth Branagh’s epic-length, full-text version of the Danish prince’s story makes no concessions to newcomers, so kids may find it rough going. But it does provide an education.
“I’m Not Rappaport” (PG-13)–A bit slow for most younger viewers (and many older ones, as well), this poignant film about two old guys hangin’ in Central Park never transcends its stage roots. Some language, mild violence and a bit of recreational drug use.
“In Love and War” (PG-13)–Romantic drama traces the affair between a young Ernest Hemingway (Chris O’Donnell) and his nurse (Sandra Bullock) but produces few sparks. Graphic scenes of war injuries and some sensuality.
“Jungle 2 Jungle” (PG)–Tim Allen stars in this remake of the recent French bomb “Little Indian, Big City,” but he displays none of the charm of his previous film work (“The Santa Clause” and “Toy Story”) or his hit TV series, “Home Improvement.” In “Jungle,” Allen brings the 13-year-old son he never knew he had from a South American jungle village to New York.
“Kolya” (PG-13)–It’s hardly a kid flick, but the Czech Oscar winner features the warmest father-son story onscreen these days. Parents may have to explain a bit of the political and sexual subtext, as well as help out with the subtitles. Some lightly salted language and a few sexless sexual encounters.
“Liar Liar” (PG-13)–A very funny comedy, despite its predictable plot. Jim Carrey plays a successful attorney who neglects his 5-year-old son and can’t stop inventing excuses for any mishap. The movie contains plenty of sexual innuendo, a non-graphic bedroom scene and a bathroom joke.
“Mars Attacks!” (PG-13)–Director Tim Burton has the kind of colorful imagination children adore. While his irony may go over some heads, his ‘toon-inspired cinematography, with its wild colors and amazing shapes, is a kid magnet. This farce is heavy on explosions and people dying, but Burton and his cast of thousands never lose their sense of fun.
“Marvin’s Room” (PG-13)–Beautifully acted black comedy, adapted from Scott McPherson’s play, takes on serious themes–family love-hate, living with the dying and the value of caring for others. Arson, salty language and power of the material account for rating.
“Michael” (PG)–John Travolta’s angel drinks, smokes and picks up cute rural waitresses, but Nora Ephron’s comedy is as light as a celestial wing feather. With no overt sexuality or offensive material, “Michael” is about as safe as a lewd-angel flick could be.
“Microcosmos” (G)–It’s not made for kids, but this unique documentary offers an extremely close look at ants, ladybugs, bees, spiders, wasps and a couple of amorous snails. Many amazing, witty moments, but as Woody Allen said: It’s a banquet out there. So expect battling beetles, a spider shrink-wrapping grasshoppers and a hungry, ant-pecking pheasant.
“The Mirror Has Two Faces” (PG-13)–Life-affirming romantic comedy about two academics (Barbra Streisand and Jeff Bridges) who agree to a sexless marriage. Adult situations and a bit of language, but its exploration of sexual and beauty myths is rich and reassuring.
“Mother” (PG-13)–There’s no violence, no sex and only a few off-color conversations and references to lingerie. But parents might find the subject matter of this adult comedy irksome: A grown man moves back home with Mom after his second divorce to sort out his relationships with women.
“My Fellow Americans” (PG-13)–For an ostensibly harmless grumpy-old-presidents comedy, this Jack Lemmon-James Garner flick has an amazing amount of potty humor and profanity, with a little violence thrown in among the laughs for good measure.
“101 Dalmatians” (G)–Disney’s live-action remake of the 1961 animated classic features a deliciously wicked Cruella De Vil (Glenn Close) and bushels of cuddly pups. The four villains — a little-seen taxidermist, two bumbling burglars and Cruella — are more cartoonish than menacing. Still, it’s a darker, less endearing comedy than the original.
“The Portrait of a Lady” (PG-13)–Although it’s usually a good thing to entice kids to literature through the movies, this Jane Campion (“The Piano”) adaptation of Henry James’ drama may do more to turn away teens with its brooding, dark storytelling.
“Prefontaine” (PG-13)–Tale of a running champ’s brief life inspires, but there are snatches of strong language.
“Return of the Jedi” (PG)–Full of cackling, huggable critters and mind-bending visual effects, the third “Star Wars” installment all but begs for youth approval. “Jedi” does have bits of cartoon violence, and tots might wonder why Princess Leia is wearing a metal bikini.
“Rosewood” (R)–Based on an incident that took place in 1923 in a black Florida town called Rosewood. A white woman falsely accuses a black stranger of assaulting and beating her, and a mob of men from the neighboring white community of Sumner declare war on their black neighbors. Definitely for mature audiences only.
“The Saint” (PG-13)–This imitation James Bond-implausible “Mission: Impossible”-type thriller, both complicated and leaden, pits superspy Simon Templar (Val Kilmer) against a billionaire who has precipitated an energy crisis during a bitter Moscow winter. Relatively mild violence and some sexuality.
“Selena” (PG)–This biopic on the Tejano legend is guaranteed to please her legions of teenage fans. With no sex or nudity and generally pleasant language, about the only thing parents have to fret over are those tastefully skimpy outfits.
“Shine” (PG-13)–This often-mesmerizing tale of a troubled piano prodigy contains some non-sexual nudity and addresses prickly issues of family trauma and mental illness. Still, its uplifting message should win over parents who are willing to answer a few questions.
“The Sixth Man” (PG-13)–College basketball star Antoine Tyler (Kadeem Hardison) is about to realize his dream of making it to the NCAA championships when he dies of heart failure. Language, crude dialogue and jokes, adult issues about the grieving process, death.
“Star Wars” (PG)–Believe it or not, the spiffed-up “special edition” lives up to its inescapable hype. Sure, the acting is cheesy, the commercialism is overwhelming, and many of the effects are no longer state of the art. But the adventure still enthralls, and the lessons of the Force are timeless.
“That Darn Cat” (PG)–This remake of the 1965 Disney movie has a definite ’90s touch, but its story of a lovable cat and a teenager tangled up in a kidnapping is plenty safe for the family.
“That Old Feeling” (PG-13)–Comedy follows the shenanigans of a formerly married couple reuniting at their daughter’s wedding. Lots of sexual innuendo and some language.
“Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie” (PG)–Given the Rangers’ preschool power base, you have to wonder why this movie contains PG-provoking content. Of course, kung-fu combat and fiery explosions are required elements. But what about the bosomy villainess, bursting from her space-pirate’s corset? Maybe she was intended as a consolation offering to dads in the audience.
“Vegas Vacation” (PG)–Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) decides to take his family to Las Vegas. When they arrive, each is tempted by its enticements. A lot of the material in the movie, including bathroom humor, sexual innuendoes and dialogue, is aimed at an older audience.
“When We Were Kings” (PG)–This Oscar-winning documentary about the 1974 title bout between George Foreman and Muhammad Ali in Zaire has some language, brief nudity and, of course, boxing violence. But it’s a rare chance to hear some great music and see the charismatic and witty Ali at age 32.
“The Whole Wide World” (PG)–This small, luminous film has no sex or violence, but its tender tale of the real-life love between a manic writer — who created Conan the Barbarian — and a feisty teacher is hardly kiddie fare. Also includes an offscreen suicide.
