Trisha Kruml, 13, vividly remembers the first time she met Jeanne Kiely. She was sitting on her front porch on the West Side with her mother, Tina, waiting for the volunteer who had been assigned as her Big Sister by the Big Brothers Big Sisters of Metropolitan Chicago. At the time, she was only 9.
“I didn’t know what she’d be like,” Trisha says. “Then we saw a lady coming down the street. She was all dressed up. I said to my Mom, `It has to be her! It has to be her!’ And my mom told me to wait and see.”
Trisha beams a smile.
“I was right. It was her. And when we started talking, she seemed really nice. I was sort of quiet, but I wasn’t nervous.”
That encounter on the front porch almost five years ago has developed into a close friendship.
They have visited just about every museum in Chicago, as well as numerous restaurants, attended live musicals and had lots of bike rides. This summer, Trisha will be Kiely’s only attendant in her wedding. Kiely’s fiance, investment banker Tim Mayes, also has developed a close friendship with the teenager.
But what might look like a storybook relationship, is the direct result of lots of hard work on Kiely’s part, says Renee Tucker, her caseworker with Big Brothers Big Sisters, 542 S. Dearborn St., Chicago.
This March, Kiely, 37, of Lincoln Park, was named the Big Sister of the Year by the agency. Tucker says the honor demonstrates how far Kiely has gone beyond the call of duty as a Big Sister.
“She’s warm, creative in her activities with her Little Sister, and she’s willing to give of herself,” Tucker says.
“Jeanne seems willing to give of herself, not only to Trisha, but to the agency. She’s helped us in our long-range planning, she’s reviewed personnel policies and implemented other promotional and marketing types of planning.”
And although Tucker says that not every Big Brother or Sister has to help with administrative work to be recognized by the agency, a healthy dose of realism about the program is a must.
“We’re trying to work on getting the volunteers to come in more open-minded and forget some of their own expectations about having a Little Brother or Sister–especially the women,” she says.
“Preconceived notions for some women coming in is that they want a Little Sister, young, and in the image they’d find on `Leave It To Beaver.’ They want instant fun. Yet because of their experiences, these kids do a lot of testing before they develop a bond. Some kids are ready to have a friendship, but with most you have to prove you’re going to come back.”
Many of the children waiting to be placed in the come from sad backgrounds, filled with physical, sexual and emotional abuse, Tucker says.
“Many of the families are DCFS families (foster children placed by the Department of Children and Family Services with a foster family),” she says. “And many of the children have experienced death firsthand, either from losing a parent or a sibling due to violence. They’ve gone through a lot of experiences, and these experiences present a whole new world to the volunteers wanting to be Big Brothers or Big Sisters.”
The agency was incorporated in 1967 and has matched more than 5,500 children from single-parent homes with volunteers in Chicago and suburban Cook County during that 30-year period. Children may enter the program between the ages of 7 and 13, and for the most part, come from households at or below the national poverty level.
Volunteers are carefully screened and trained by case managers before being placed with a Little Brother or Sister, Tucker says. The agency asks a volunteer to make at least a one-year commitment, promising to visit the child at least twice a month.
“After every outing, for the first four outings, the case managers talk to the volunteer, the child and the parent,” she says. “If everything is going smoothly, then we talk a minimum of once a month.”
Sitting in the Greek Islands on South Halsted Street– Trisha’s favorite restaurant– the 8th grader’s eyes sparkle as she describes the dress she’ll be wearing in the wedding.
“It’s berry-colored–real dark red–and it’s satin,” she says. “It has a scoop neck and it’s sleeveless and there’s a bow at the waist. There’s also a full skirt.
“We looked everywhere for a dress and almost bought a pink one. But this one was definitely the best.”
Smiles and laughter erupt between bites of tomatoes stuffed with lamb and rice. Kiely and Trisha say they’re very comfortable with each other now; that their relationship has come a long way from that day they met on Trisha’s front porch.
“When we first met, Trisha was very quiet and shy, and it was hard,” Kiely says. “We would spend time in the car, and she wouldn’t say a word. I had to work at making conversation. I knew she was checking me out from head to toe. But the second time I picked her up, she had had her hair cut exactly like mine. It startled me that I could have that much influence over a child.”
Kiely grew up in Parsippany, N.J., and graduated from high school there. She attended Rutgers University in New Brunswick, N.J., where she received a bachelor’s degree in sociology in 1982. After graduation, she worked for Troy Chemical Co. in Newark, N.J., as a human-resources assistant for two years. She joined CPC International Inc. in Union, N.J., as a human resources manager in 1984 and was transferred to Chicago in 1986.
Being a Big Sister in Chicago comes naturally, Kiely says. After graduating from college, she volunteered for three years with the Morris County Chapter Big Sister program.
When she moved to Chicago, it was hard to leave her Little Sister. “We kept in touch for a short time,” she says.
“But it was difficult because of the distance and because my Little Sister was in her later years of high school. She was busy and I was busy, and we basically fell out of touch.”
When Kiely arrived in Chicago, she decided to get an masters degree in business administration at Northwestern University. “That took three years,” she says, “but after I recuperated after graduation, I looked into the Big Brothers Big Sisters program.”
Kiely says that the encouragement she received from Trisha’s mother in the beginning made being a Big Sister easier.
“I have to say, that first year was hard with Trisha,” she says. “I knew she was shy, but getting her loosened up wasn’t always easy to do. Her mother encouraged me more by saying how thrilled Trisha was with what we were doing together. If I hadn’t heard those words of encouragement, I’m sure I would have given up.”
But Kiely says her hobbies and special interests–frequenting museums, exercising or being with friends–blended perfectly with having a Little Sister.
And now she says that those times when Trisha was shyer were well worth the effort, considering the close friendship they have today.
“The Big Brother Big Sister program is critical,” she says. “What it does is broadens the world for children. They know what’s beyond their neighborhood and that they have alternatives. The number of restaurants, how to look something up in the library–so many positive influences are right here in the city.”
Kiely flashes a smile. “And Trish has taught me a lot of things too. (As a single woman) I wouldn’t have had that much contact with a girl her age otherwise.
“And what started out as a commitment and obligation isn’t that at all (now). She’s really like my sister.”
For a teen who’s favorite subject is math at the Galileo Scholastic Academy of Math and Science and who dreams of someday becoming a commercial pilot, talking about the Big Brother Big Sister program produces a flood of emotion.
“I like the program a lot because it’s touched my heart,” Trisha says, then pauses. “It does a lot for kids who don’t have two parents.”
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For more information on the Big Brothers Big Sisters of Metropolitan Chicago, call 312-427-0637.
