Dear Dr. Laura: I am 25 and due to have my first child in December. I was baptized Catholic but don’t choose to practice the faith because I’ve always felt intimidated rather than fulfilled. I am more spiritual than religious.
My husband is Jewish. He celebrates the holidays, but that’s the extent of religion for him.
Right now I’m visiting different churches, experiencing all sorts of customs and ways of worship. It’s very interesting and enlightening. I’d like to expose my child to different religions as well. My main concern is raising a child with proper values, morality and respect.
I enjoy Jewish and Catholic traditions and holidays along with learning the history. Why shouldn’t my child experience both and then some?
In your opinion, would this be an appropriate way to raise a child? — Philadelphia, Pa.
A — No, it would not be. A number of recent studies make it clear than unaffiliated (or begrudgingly affiliated) parents are raising children even less likely to have any kind of religious identification.
Celebrating holidays and doing some rituals will not bring a spiritual depth to a child’s being unless they are attached to something concrete to embrace.
Your husband does not celebrate Christmas with a profound sense of renewal in rejoicing in the birth of Christ. And you do not celebrate Passover with a profound sense of awe in the transition of a people from slavery to a covenant with God. You and your husband do not share worship and a framework of religious practice; what do you think that will present to your children?
There are those who say God doesn’t matter. There are those who say religion doesn’t matter. There are those who say it is feasible to be moral without God or religion. I think they are all wrong. Ultimately, there needs to be the final word, separate from our personal whims and ability to rationalize.
You and your husband would benefit your children by seriously and lovingly embracing one faith. How you go about doing that is up to you.
Q — Listening to your radio show has helped me understand why it is important to do the right thing.
I am paying for something I did over a year ago, when I was a different person. It is much easier for me to deal with it now that I understand that I need to accept the consequences of my bad choice.
I’m 24 and have a 7-month-old baby girl, but I’m not married. I feel like this sweet little girl was a beautiful gift from God. I have changed everything in my life for her, and I think that God knew that was the only thing that would ever have given me the incentive to change.
I just met a new man, and I told him I would not have sex until I was married. He pointed out that I had obviously already done that. He said it was not an issue now but would become one if we stayed together and fell in love. He thinks sex is an important part of marriage and wonders what would happen if we found out we were not compatible sexually after we married. Please address this. — Washington, D.C.
A — You have obviously worked long and hard to make your life one of pride for you and promise for your daughter. Congratulations on your strength and conviction.
It seems that in pointing out your past mistake (unmarried sexual intercourse) as a reason for having sex with him, this man is expressing some desire to tap into your weakness instead of supporting your commitment to change.
Frankly, my dear, you describe an opportunist, not a man who respects your integrity. He’s incompatible with you in ways that are much more important than the timing of an orgasm.
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Questions may be sent to Dr. Laura Schlessinger in care of the Chicago Tribune WOMANEWS section, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611. Questions of general interest will be answered often in this weekly column; unpublished letters cannot be answered individually.
