Dear Ann Landers: My 73-year-old husband reads your column religiously and quotes you often. Maybe you can help me.
“Seymour” is impotent, but he won’t admit it. He blames me because we have no sex life. He accuses me of having affairs with my doctor, our pastor, his brother, my brother and the bag boys in the supermarket. Lately, he has been threatening me with physical violence. Yesterday, he said, “I’m gonna knock you on your rear.” I said, “Go ahead if it will make you feel better to hit a 70-year-old woman who has had bypass surgery and uses a walker.”
My question is this, Ann: Should I divorce the old goat, or should I beat him up before he starts hitting me? Would counseling help? Our 50th anniversary is coming up soon, and our children want to give us a party, so please answer before then.
Need Guidance in Texas
Dear Texas: I fear Seymour is not playing with a full deck. Take him to your family doctor at once for an evaluation. If there is nothing physically wrong, counseling would definitely help. You need a professional to assess your marital situation and advise you as to what steps should be taken to ensure your safety and get Seymour the help he needs. Good luck, and happy anniversary.
Dear Ann Landers: I really need your advice. It is about my husband’s mother-in-law from his first marriage. His wife passed away after a lengthy illness. They had no children. Ten years have passed since her death. “John” and I have been married for nine.
Ann, my question is how to make John’s ex-mother-in-law understand that he has a new family now and she does not fit into the picture. She manages to visit him at work almost every day. Whenever she has a problem, she runs to John. If something in her home is in need of repair or if her car isn’t running right, she calls John. When he was sick a few years ago, she was at his bedside constantly.
She used to have keys to our house and showed up every morning for coffee. If I wasn’t home, she would come in and do our laundry. I finally changed the locks. This woman does have friends and family, but she refuses dinner invitations for the holidays and makes it known to John that she will be by herself. He then feels he must ask her to be with us.
How should I handle this? It is starting to be a big problem between my husband and me.
Sick of the Other Woman in Philadelphia
Dear Philadelphia: I don’t understand why it took you nine years to notice the problem. Nonetheless, you and John need a third party who will set boundaries and establish ground rules. Are you comfortable with your clergyman? If not, ask your family doctor to recommend a counselor. John’s former mother-in-law should be informed of the new boundaries, and it should be made clear that she must respect your wishes or there will be no contact whatsoever.
Dear Ann Landers: I read the responses in your column from employees explaining why they come to work sick. I own and operate a small home health agency. We offer sick leave to our employees. We don’t like it when people come to work sick and spread colds, the flu and so on. After all, employers can catch these things too.
Why do people come in sick? Because they have already used up their personal days and sick-leave time having fun. When they are legitimately sick, they come to work because they don’t want to lose pay. It’s obvious that we need to develop a better work ethic in this country.
Topeka Reader
Dear Topeka: Your final sentence says it all. Thank you.
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