When Condell Medical Center in Libertyville set about looking at themes for its fundraiser to benefit cardiac services and its new cardiac catheterization lab, the idea of something heart related made sense.
But the idea took a turn toward affairs of the heart rather than mechanics of the heart. Thus, Romance Through the Decades–based on the idea that love conquers all, or at least quite a bit–will be staged Saturday at the Twin Orchard Country Club in Long Grove,
Part of the reasoning here, according to Ina Albert, director of public relations and marketing for Condell, was evidence from numerous studies showing that family love and support make heart trouble much more survivable. “Someone who has a supportive family has a better chance of survival,” said Albert, who added with a bit of tongue in cheek, “It’s no good if you’re living with someone you hate.”
And just as a healthy heart requires maintenance, so does a healthy relationship. So in the spirit of the fundraiser, Albert polled doctors on the Condell staff and came up with four couples who offered advice on how to keep vigor in a romance.
Dr. Mark and Mary Fields, both in their 50s, moved to Libertyville in 1969, when they were among the first African-Americans to live there. Not only has their marriage survived 37 years, but it has endured the raising of four children, now grown.
Making it all work, they said, took patience, dedication and commitment. “If work infringed on our relationship, I’d stop,” Mark said. “Since the kids left, we have a different direction. We can place our energy with each other. We have mutual respect. We work at our marriage. We have seen medical marriages fail, and it was threatening to us.”
Their advice to young people: “Maintain hope and don’t give up. Be optimistic. You must believe that what you are doing is the right thing and do it,” Mary said. “Remember, you are not immortal, and use mechanisms that work to help the marriage and relationship.”
In their case, although they have given each other enough space to pursue separate interests, they also have discovered that they both love travel and now do that as much as possible. Of course, it helps that Mary is a travel agent.
Dr. David and Judy Zoellick of Libertyville, both in their 30s, have been married for seven years. They met at Northwestern University Medical Center, where Judy was working as a nurse and David as a doctor. Judy has decided to stay home and take care of their three young children, while David continues to work and pay off medical school debts and build his practice.
Having children has been one of their biggest joys and their biggest challenges, considering a work schedule that gives David little family time.
“You get tired and crabby, but you can’t take it out on the kids,” David said. “You have to catch yourself, be patient and understanding. That’s the big challenge at the end of the day.”
Judy suggested that young people get their adventures out of the way in their 20s, because once family life begins, there will be no time. “Family takes a lot of time from yourself,” she said. “The early 20s is the time to focus on yourself and personal goals, who you are and what you want to do in life.”
Like the Fieldses, they both advocate allowing enough space for each other’s interests but also making the most of their time together.
Dr. Steve and Sandy Marquardt, both in their 40s, met while at Macalester College in St. Paul and married before he went to medical school. They live in Libertyville with their 13-year-old daughter and 10-year-old son.
Sandy, who does not work outside the home, said of their relationship, “I think we have fun and pay a lot of attention to each other. We respect each other, are kind to each other and thank each other. We don’t take each other for granted.” She added that she came to this conclusion: “If my husband and my two kids are the most important people in my life, I should treat them better than I treat anybody else. And I do. I don’t spend time being mad. We don’t fight; we discuss things. . . .”
They both advise against getting married too soon. Although they married young, they think they were lucky. “But they say you can create your own luck,” Steve said.
Dr. Eva and Roman Buch, in their 50s, live in a fairy-tale setting, with a home on an island in a lake at a 13-acre estate in Libertyville. But having been married for 29 years, they know there is no magical secret to it all.
“It works because I am a very patient person,” Eva said. “It is part of my work to develop patience.” Between having two children and Roman’s job as an engineering consultant, time together required some scheduling. But now that their daughter and son are grown, they are finding more time together.
Eva’s advice to other couples: “Hang loose and laugh. Stick with it.”
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For information on the Condell fundraiser, phone 847-362-2905, ext. 5540. Tickets are $175 per person.
