Entertaining doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Just ask hospitality maven Paula Jhung, author of “Guests Without Grief” (Fireside, $11), “How to Avoid Housework” ($11) and a wide range of articles on the topic.
“When many of us finally get the nerve to have people over, we spend days knocking ourselves out cleaning, cooking and planning the event,” she maintains. And when the big day finally arrives, “the host often feels too strung out and resentful to enjoy the party.”
So what’s the alternative? “After years of introspection and observation, I came to realize it isn’t a perfect setting or even fabulous food that makes a visit interesting and fun, it’s the attitude of the host. The best ones are more interested in the well-being of their guests rather than the impact that all their efforts are making.” Not that those efforts aren’t appreciated, Jhung points out. They just need to be adjusted to our lifestyles and implemented with a healthy dose of realism and common sense, she says.
With that caveat, Lisa Skolnik recently spoke to Jhung about her thoughts on how to entertain in this day and age, and her strategies for implementing these ideas. Thanks to her self-avowed love/hate relationship with entertaining (“I love the company and hate the work”), she has some interesting ideas on the subject.
Lisa Skolnik: There are so many magazines and books out there telling us how to “do it” these days, from setting the perfect table to making the perfect tart. Do you really think people are following all this advice, and is entertaining in the ’90s really any different that it ever was?
Paula Jhung: Some are indeed going the whole nine yards, but this isn’t the easiest or most effective way to be a host. Someone once said that “part of the joy of living is having and entertaining friends,” but throwing elaborate soirees puts a damper on how much you can really entertain, because it involves so much time, money and effort. And contrary to the well-meaning advice of celebrated overachievers, today’s hospitality standards are really much more in reach than ever before. We don’t have to fold the napkins into origami or stuff petits pois with Beluga caviar. The casual approach is in,’ as well as simplicity, understatement and an overall relaxation of formalities.
L.S.: How casual is “casual,” and how do you really do it? Are we talking method or mind-set?
P.J.: Casual doesn’t preclude a fancy sit-down dinner or elegant buffet, just as it doesn’t refer only to a down-to-earth barbecue. It’s a perspective that’s more forgiving and relaxed, yet also requires creativity and planning, which makes it part method and part mind-set.
For instance, our homes don’t have to be picture perfect or even immaculate when company comes, but they do have to be inviting and you have to work a bit at making them that way. But part of it also involves a little common-sense psychology. For instance, we can manipulate our surroundings so we don’t have to work so hard at playing host and actually control entire events by the way we set the stage.
L.S.: Let’s start with your comment on how our homes should look. How clean does a house really have to be?
P.J.: Most of us knock ourselves out unnecessarily when we clean before a party or dinner. We get into nooks and crannies or rooms that nobody’s going to see. No one’s going to lift the skirt on the sofa, open cabinets or check out your bedrooms, but there are a few critical spots that they will notice. Such as the space where everyone gathers, the washroom and the kitchen, because these are three areas that everyone uses. So make sure that the coffee table in the center of everything is fingerprint-free, the washroom is shining and well-stocked (and include an unobtrusive roll of paper towels or small paper hand towels, since no one ever uses the fancy linens) and the kitchen is organized and clean. Then close the doors to those messy rooms you don’t want anyone to see.
L.S.: Now what about setting the stage? It sounds like a contradiction in terms with the concept of a casual perspective.
P.J.: Setting the stage is all about creating an inviting background, and involves everything from arranging the furnishings and refreshments to employing traditional mood-makers such as music, scent or lighting. But it transcends the concept of casual or formal. For instance, furniture must relate for people to communicate, so look around the space you’ll be using and see if there are ways to rearrange your pieces. It can be as simple as pushing chairs closer to the sofa to create tighter conversation groups, or placing them at slight angles instead of side by side. Setting chairs at an angle also makes the room look more relaxed. And the way you set out the refreshments impacts everything and relates to this concept, so be psychological about it. Lay out the drinks, food and conversation areas throughout the space to encourage movement and mingling, but give it some thought. The bar doesn’t belong in the hallway to the washroom, but it may work well in the study or any area with the right kinds of furnishings to accommodate it. I have a friend who has an exceptionally long Parsons table in her bedroom, so she uses this space for cocktails and hors d’oeuvres. Of course, it means she does have to make sure the bedroom’s in perfect shape for guests.
L.S.: The bedroom scenario is interesting because it’s an unconventional use of space. Can people who have small places mine these spaces?
P.J.: Absolutely. And this doesn’t just apply to small spaces. Any area can be used to serve parts of a meal, as long as it’s in good shape for company. Interior designer Elsie de Wolfe used to serve dessert in her elegant silver and white bathroom in Paris. Plus using unconventional areas not only encourages guests to circulate, it makes the party feel less stiff and formal and stimulates conversation.
L.S.: I see what you mean about controlling entire events by how you set the stage, but what about manipulating your surroundings so you don’t have to work so hard?
P.J.: There are so many ways to do this, and again they involve a bit of psychology and lots of common sense. For instance, have “adult toys” or books out on your coffee table when guests walk in. They usually absorb a bit of their attention, and start conversations, which frees you up if you’re still preparing part of the meal. Keep the bar streamlined and simple so you don’t have to spend the first part of the evening “working it.” Have pitchers of drinks ready to go, or even wine already poured. Guests will usually accept whatever drinks you choose to offer when they first walk in.
Consider a buffet, which is usually less work, and give guests only one plate to carry. Anyway, using a second plate requires the balance of a juggler and accidents happen, which can lead to more work. Put extras such as rolls or condiments out on the tables people will be using to free up plate space.
L.S.: How do you use the traditional mood-makers you refer to, such as music, lighting and scent? It seems that using all these tactics involves a lot of effort, and is far from casual.
P.J.: Not at all. These tactics are only complex to use if you make them that way. Lighting is a case in point: I have most of my lights on dimmers, and I find that low lighting is warmer, friendlier and more interesting. So it’s merely a matter of remembering to use the dimmers, and a few other tactics that are easy to implementsuch as placing uplights behind large plants, which I then tend to leave in place so they’re ready to go for the next time; or breaking out the candles, which can create interesting pools of light wherever they’re placed and are inexpensive and easy to use.
Music is also a fairly easy mood-maker to use. Load up the CD player with discs before guests arrive so you don’t have to give music a second thought–just make sure to use selections that will set the stage, not dominate it. And scent is very easy to employ, and can also be manipulative. The smell of green apples is supposed to make small spaces seem larger, according to The Smell Institute in Chicago. You can use scented candles or potpourri, which should be kept on low coffee tables or the bottom level of tiered tables because smell rises. But remember to use a light hand with scent, because fresh air is the most universally loved odor. Forget spray cans and air the place out before guests arrive.
L.S.: What about the table? How far do you really have to go to gussy it up?
P.J.: As far as you want, but don’t feel obligated to go overboard. We’ve all been reading too many magazines and they’re intimidating–it takes stylists hours to come up with those shots. There’s actually a move towards simplicity today, and I specialize in brainless table arrangements.
Take a generic low glass bowl, fill it with polished stones, which are sold in bags; then add water and float candles or blossoms on top. Or use fruit that guests can munch on with dessert for a centerpiece. And forget the fussy stuff, such as folding napkins in a certain way. It’s time-consuming and gone in a minute, so I’d rather concentrate on other things, like my company.
L.S.: How informal can we be about seating? Do any constraints still apply?
P.J.: Not really. Place cards are helpful because there’s always an awkward moment when people come to the table and don’t know where to go.
Q. What’s your most important tip for hosts?
A. Relax and forget about perfection. Don’t get too caught up in minor points, such as what the house looks like. Prepare as much as possible ahead of time, and enjoy yourself so your guests can have a good time with you.
