When a natural disaster strikes, fractured homes and crumbled cars remind us of the physical damage.
Not so easily seen is the emotional trauma that kids experience. Catastrophes such as fires, floods or storms frighten children touched by the crisis and those who learn of the event from news accounts and fear the same thing will happen to them.
It is up to parents to help allay their youngster’s fears by talking to the child about the crisis and encouraging the child to discuss his or her feelings.
Communication is most helpful in reducing the child’s anxiety — and the adult’s apprehension. That way, the child does not fear a catastrophe is brewing each time there is rain, wind, thunder and lightning, sirens, or other reminders of the disaster.
“What you want to do is give them the opportunity to make sense of the uncontrollable, even if it’s to say that there are some things we can’t answer,” said David J. Romano, chairman of the mental-health committee of the Central chapter of the American Red Cross in Orlando.
Children thrive on daily routines: going to school, sharing dinner with the family or playing Sega in their bedroom afford kids a sense of order. A natural disaster that hits as close to home as a recent Florida twister, which damaged at least 300 buildings and caused between $10 million to $14 million in damage, can shatter that stability.
Age dictates how a child will react. Six-year-olds might be consumed with feelings of helplessness, while a 15-year-old may bottle up emotions.
Fear drives these behaviors. Acknowledging a child’s concerns helps reduce their apprehension and helps prevent more serious problems. A child who believes his parents don’t care about his fears soon feels ashamed, rejected, unloved — and consequently more afraid.
It is normal for kids and adults to be frightened after a calamity. Children who have lived through disaster most fear:
– The disaster will recur.
– They or a parent will be injured or killed.
– They will be separated from the family.
– They will be left alone.
Kids who experience disaster vicariously through news accounts worry about a similar event that will devastate their families, Romano said.
Apprehension springs from a fear of the unknown. Helping children understand the disaster helps eliminate many fears.
When a youngster understands the mechanics behind a tornado, he knows that it’s unlikely his home will be swept away to some faraway land like Dorothy in the “Wizard of Oz.” He also learns that a recurrence of the disaster, while possible, is unlikely.
“If you don’t talk about a situation, it’s like having a secret hidden in an emotional closet,” said Jose Pruewitt, a Pennsylvania psychologist who counsels disaster victims for the American Red Cross. “If you don’t talk about it you never recover.”
Parents must use age-appropriate language to ensure the child understands answers to his questions.
In the case of a tornado, for example, Romano said a parent with a 4-year-old might point to an inside-out umbrella or uprooted trees to illustrate the power of wind.
Explain that wind can be dangerous but also helpful for powering sailboats and lifting kites. This prevents a child from becoming afraid of the wind. Older children can handle more technical explanations.
It is important to encourage children to talk about the disaster and describe what they’re feeling.
Guided conversation allows parents to explore a child’s fears and offer reassurance.
Young children might be especially affected during these times because of their sense of vulnerability, their lack of understanding and their difficulty in expressing their feelings.
Adolescents, Pruewitt said, might be affected as well but find it difficult to express their reactions because “when a disaster happens there is no normal way to react — they don’t know whether to cry, laugh or color their hair green.”
Encourage your child to open up by sharing your feelings. Doing so shows that these feelings are normal and acceptable.
If disaster damages your home, you might say to the child, “Mommy feels sad about leaving home. That is why I am crying. Come and give mommy a hug,” said Aaron Ebata, assistant professor at the University of Illinois and a unit leader of the school’s Cooperative Extension Service Disaster Readiness Task Force.
