Ebenezer Scrooge, Charles Dickens’ legendary Christmas spoilsport, may have been cured of his holiday funk by some timely hauntings, but he has at least a few spiritual descendants who find themselves less than exalted by the season of joy, according to Metropolitan Family Services counselors.
The agency, with more than a century of history, served 100,000 people last year in its Loop office and 25 neighborhood centers, according to agency spokeswoman Susan Kleckner.
Social workers and credit counselors in Chicago and suburban centers in the southwest Cook County, DuPage, Evanston and Skokie Valley regions see the victims of holiday burnout, those who feel as if they’re drowning in a sea of cookie dough or smothered under layers of wrapping paper.
Just the expectation of unremitting happiness is enough to stress out some people, especially those separated from family, either emotionally or geographically, according to Karen Allen, a social worker at Metropolitan Family Services’ Worth office.
“The family aspect is emphasized (during the holidays),” Allen said. “People are expected to be with family and to enjoy themselves.” But some would rather be alone, she said, and others don’t have the opportunity to gather with their families.
Holiday stresses have increased in recent decades “with all the changes in our cultures,” she said.
Mobility is one factor. Family networks have become more far-flung, and travel during the hectic holiday season can be crushing for busy families.
Financial pressures also have increased as holidays become more and more commercial. “There’s more emphasis on the secular,” on purchased gifts, she said, rather than handmade items, “things that had been carefully prepared.
“If the emphasis is on gifts and the commercial aspects of Christmas, there’s going to be greater stress,” Allen said. Overshopping and overspending are a quick path to stress and burnout.
Many are so busy and overscheduled they don’t realize how nerve-racking they find the holidays until life settles down in the new year, Allen explained.
“(The overscheduled) usually show (up at the center) in February,” Allen said. “They realize the holiday didn’t cheer them up, and they don’t feel better.”
The post-Christmas days are when Marie Stevens, a credit counselor at Metropolitan Family Services’ downtown Chicago office, sees her appointment book fill up. Some, fearful of upcoming expenses, get financial counseling ahead of time, but more delay worry until the party’s over.
Credit card debt stresses out her clients, she said.
“People take (credit card buying) a little too lightly,” she said. “The thing with credit cards is that it isn’t real money (to shoppers). . . . There’s kind of a Scarlett O’Hara kind of thing, `I’ll think about it tomorrow.’ “
A mountain of debt can make holiday pressures almost unbearable, but counseling can make it all manageable, according to Marie (not her real name), a 38-year-old Chicago woman who started working with Stevens four years ago after an ill-timed business venture left her saddled with enormous credit card bills.
“Whenever I’m in a bind, I have someone I can go to to get the truth,” she said. “The cost of living has skyrocketed compared to the wages. It’s a race. It’s like this nuts thing with people buying stuff to impress people they don’t even like.”
Marie doesn’t have children, but she sees her friends struggle to satisfy their family’s Christmas desires. People don’t realize “there’s a lot of things that you can get or give or make or recycle. They shouldn’t have to go nuts.”
“I just think (counseling) is such a cool thing. I tell everybody about it,” she said.
Financial problems associated with overspending aren’t confined to society’s have-nots, Stevens said.
“We get everyone and everything,” she said. “We get people from Public Aid and people with $100,000-a-year incomes.”
It hits all age groups, too, from elderly retirees on fixed incomes to youngsters starting their first jobs. “They want to give things, and they just can’t afford to,” she said.
Whether the problems are emotional or financial, planning ahead is the key to avoiding stress, burnout and crises, Allen and Stevens agree.
“People have to realize (a joyful holiday) is not just stuff,” Stevens noted.
Getting together with the family, making gifts for loved ones and making efforts to help others will make holidays more satisfying as well as more affordable, she said.
Celebrating a meaningful, rejuvenating holiday “has to do with budgeting time and energy issues,” Allen said.
Metropolitan Family Services offers post-holiday workshops in which families can sit down together and review their holiday activities, picking out which were most time-consuming, most expensive, most enjoyable. There are alternatives to the frenzied buying sprees that characterize too many Christmas celebrations, Allen noted.
Large families can pick names out of a grab bag, so gift givers can spend less money and more thought. Families may find that doing for others is much more satisfying than tearing open the gift wrap to reveal another sweater.
“Volunteer work can be more meaningful over the holidays,” she said.
Allen recommended considering gifts with a personal, handmade touch.
“One holiday season, my family made candy houses for friends,” she recalled. Not only was it less expensive and less hectic than shopping, “we all had a wonderful time,” she said.
Alternative activities can become a cherished tradition, she said. “Our family celebrates the solstice (the turning point when the short days of winter begin to lengthen). We generally have a big party with lots of candles.”
People seeking truly uplifting holiday experience should plan “the things that are important, not just what’s been done for years. They should be things that are important to you. You should be able to feel rejuvenated,” Allen advised. For example, why spend all day roasting an enormous turkey if the family would rather have pizza or carryout foods.
Celebrations should fit with the family’s interests and values, she said. “Ask what means something to us, what are we going to remember?”
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For more information, call Metropolitan Family Services’ Worth office at 708-448-5700.
