You may presume that your sister will be impressed by the prestige of the Ralph Lauren navy blue blazer you’ve selected as her holiday gift. Instead, she may be ticked off, believing that you dislike her usually bright and arty clothes.
Researchers who have studied the gift-buying habits of American women say there are hidden messages in the presents we give. And whether we intend them or not, recipients will make judgments about your relationship based on the gift you give.
Cele Otnes, Ph.D., associate professor of advertising at the University of Illinois, and Tina Lowrey, Ph.D., associate professor of marketing at Rider University in Lawrenceville, N.J., say women fall into six gift-giving categories:
Provider. Acting on a parental-like impulse, this person typically gives socks, underwear and appliances and is telling the recipient she wants to take care of her.
Socializer/Controller. This giver has a social agenda to impart. Maybe it’s a book she has read and thinks you should too. This giver becomes a controller if the gift is a deliberate attempt to change the recipient.
Acknowledger. We all fit this category when we shop for those in our life who are part of our network–paper carriers, doormen–but with whom we have only a peripheral relationship.
Compensator. This giver needs to make up for a faux pas. Maybe your friend never apologized for blabbing a secret, but you know she is sorry because guilt compels her to give you an extremely extravagant gift.
Pleaser. Whether it’s the exact sweater you wanted, or a gift basket of especially favorite things, the hallmark of this gift giver is going to great lengths to delight you.
Avoider. When the magazine subscription you’ve received each year like clockwork fails to arrive, it means the relationship is over.
Of course, some gifts should simply mean that the giver’s heart is in the right place, even if her gift-giving skills are impaired. But it doesn’t hurt to be cognizant of the signals you’re sending when you are making choices.
“Knowing what the message behind the gift means, or what your tendency to buy is . . . allows you to step back and really examine what the relationship is all about,” says Otnes.
