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They’re 49 years old, and they’re desperately trying to appear young and hip.

But there are few things more pitiful than a paunchy, middle-aged broadcast network trying to look like MTV.

As ABC, CBS and NBC mark their 50th birthdays next fall, the celebrations will be tempered by the fact that they have been losing viewers in big numbers–to cable networks, to movie theaters, to personal computers, to hectic lifestyles–and with rising costs, even network economics is growing shaky.

Like many people dealing with midlife crises, the networks are trying to figure out what to do next–and this was even before Jerry Seinfeld announced he is quitting at the end of this season.

And that isn’t the only problem. Look at the latest sweeps. The ever popular NBC took the biggest hit, a plunge of 9.7 percent from the November before. In the 1996-97 season, it averaged 15.2 million viewers in any given hour, off from 17 million in 1995-96. How many companies would stay in business with an economic forecast of ever-declining shares?

In fact, the six broadcast networks (the Big Three plus UPN, WB and Fox) together averaged a 44.2 rating in November, 1 1/2 points off from 1996 and just slightly higher than TV Western “Gunsmoke” delivered by itself in 1957.

In a word association game, mention of third-ranked ABC prompted one media expert to reply “still trying to find their way” while another blurted out “confusion.” CBS executives probably would wince at hearing their network described as “still appealing to the ancient ones.”

So how are the nets coping with middle age?

In what seems like an attempt to lower expectations, NBC spins the idea that it’s a niche network–much like a cable channel. And ABC offers up black-and-yellow billboards and promos proclaiming “TV is good” and “we love TV.” Spin city, indeed. Meanwhile, CBS talks about itself in the terms of being a traditional network–something for everybody–but with huge losses expected to be announced for 1997, they may be rethinking their strategy.

Now, even profitable NBC, which has been tops in the ratings since 1995, is facing some tough decisions. The biggest, of course, is what to do about the departure of “Seinfeld,” the No. 2-rated show on the air and anchor of NBC’s “Must See TV” comedy package. To show how desperate the Peacock was to keep “Seinfeld,” reports say they offered $5 million an episode to the star alone.

Meanwhile, the cost of programming is skyrocketing and “ER” is up for grabs. After four consecutive seasons at No. 1, “ER” is seen as the white knight that could save whichever broadcaster wins the bidding should NBC fail to meet the asking price. It’s rumored to be in the $10 million-per-episode range, nearly double that of current record holder “Seinfeld” at a reported $5.5 million a pop. If NBC can’t pony up, the combined loss of “ER” and “Seinfeld” could turn Thursday’s “Must See TV” into “Please See TV.”

Another point of concern: Teens and children have been defecting en masse to cable–music video channels, Nickelodeon and the Cartoon Network, for example. The fact that they are not now in the habit of tuning in broadcast channels does not bode well for the future when they are in the coveted 18-19 demographic.

So here they are, three former all-stars who, with bum knees taped up, still lead the TV marathon but can’t afford to look over their shoulders, let alone break for Gatorade.

The one sign of aging they seem to flaunt is that distinguished gray at their temples known as the network news divisions. While up-and-comers Fox, WB and UPN hold out against launching their own news departments, ABC, CBS and NBC are leaning more heavily on theirs than ever, asking them to fill 10 out of 66 primetime hours each week with magazine shows, in addition to their usual nightly newscasts and other programs.

“I would think (this anniversary is) a midlife opportunity,” spins George Schweitzer, executive vice president of marketing at CBS. “We keep reinventing ourselves. We keep listening to what the public wants, offering what they want to see.

“I think the number of years we’ve been around there’s been huge development in the business, so I don’t think of it as midlife so much as looking back and looking ahead.”

Or circling the wagons? CBS edged out NBC in households in the November sweeps but it trails big time in ad revenues. One recent report projects that CBS will lose $50 million to $90 million this year, while NBC will reap $450 million in profits.

Why? Because ad rates are weighted by demographics. Advertisers last year paid $23 per thousand viewers for 18- to 34-year-olds, but only $9 per thousand for the 35-plus bracket. Unfortunately for its bottom line, CBS’ “Touched by an Angel” and other hits attract older audiences, the viewers many advertisers write off as too set in brand-loyalty ways to be persuaded by a TV commercial. So much for looking ahead.

Critics and the public alike have complained of cookie-cutter shows.

“What is happening in my view is that (the networks) lost focus in terms of what television can do — should do — in order to reach a sophisticated American citizenry,” says Judith Marlane, chair of the Radio, TV and Film department at California State University, Northridge. “I think they are thrashing about in order to reach numbers with material that is genuinely juvenile.

“Broadcasters have lost confidence in the American people to see and appreciate programs of quality,” Marlane says.

Leaders at the Big Three would argue that point, of course. Both ABC and NBC claim to be the source for witty, upscale, urban sitcoms.

Warren Littlefield, president of NBC Entertainment, suggests his network is not trying to be all things to all people, instead setting itself apart from the pack with blocks of sophisticated adult comedies.

But Steve Sternberg, senior partner at BJK&E Media in New York, says the idea of networks becoming specialized is just a lot of talk.

“They say they’re going after 18- to 49-year-olds,” Sternberg says. “That’s not a niche. That’s a huge target.”

In fact, he notes, NBC balances its schedule with older-skewing shows such as “Law & Order,” “Homicide: Life on the Street” and four weekly installments of “Dateline NBC.”

“They have a broader audience than any other network,” he says of the peacock. “That’s how you stay bigger.

“It’s very hard to brand a network,” Sternberg adds. “The only network right now that really has a brand, a positive brand, is WB and to a lesser extent Fox. You can brand cable networks very easily because many of them are niche. When you think of MTV you think music, but when you think NBC, maybe you think `Seinfeld.’ That’s a program, not a brand.”

He also questioned NBC’s right to claim the comedy franchise. “You have this year 13 two-hour comedy blocks (in network primetime). NBC has four of them, so how do you brand yourself as having comedy blocks when everybody has comedy blocks?”

Schweitzer says CBS’ mission has not changed.

“We consider ourselves a true broadcaster. We’re a mass audience business,” he says. “We invite everyone, we’re inclusive.”

Schweitzer says according to Nielsen research, most viewers watch only seven channels more than 15 minutes a month. They may flip through several dozen but they remain creatures of habit, in a comfortable rut dug by NBC, CBS and ABC.

“Network television also provides things that can’t be seen elsewhere and that’s the shared experience — the Princess Diana funeral, the World Series, the Olympics, the Academy Awards — the stuff people will be talking about tomorrow morning,” he says. “In times of crisis or rejoice, people come together around broadcast television.”

But California State University’s Marlane sees evidence of broadcasters’ midlife crises in the fact that the Big Three have sprouted cable franchises: CNBC and MSNBC, CBS’ Eye on People and The Nashville Network, and ABC’s ESPN and the Disney Channel.