Dear Dr. Laura: About a year ago I started praying to God to teach me how to be the person God wants me to be. I also prayed for patience. I discovered your radio show and have tried to learn something from each call and apply it to my life.
For example, “just be nice.” I am a witch with a capital “B.” I get angry, upset, mad, etc., when things don’t go my way. It’s causing a lot of problems in my life.
Well, the cable for the TV went out this weekend and I called for a repair appointment. It was for Monday between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. By 5:30 no one showed and I called the cable company.
Normally I would have yelled and gotten all worked up. I didn’t this time. I was calm and cool. And the best part, Dr. Laura, was it worked! They had canceled my appointment by mistake and they were very sorry. They are sending someone over first thing tomorrow and I get two weeks’ free service!
I can’t believe I was nice. When I got off the phone I thanked God for teaching me how to be patient and kind. Now I want to thank you! Keep up the good work. San Jose, Calif.
A — When the student is ready the teacher will come. Thank you for opening yourself up to all your magnificent potential.
Q — My 9-year-old daughter rarely sees her bio-dad, my ex-husband. He moved 300 miles away when she was 2. He left us when she was 6 months old. Anyway, I am now engaged and she calls this man “Dad.” The last few months she has talked to me about changing her last name to my fiance’s last name after we are married.
Is she old enough to make this decision or should I dissuade her? Akron
A — Kids aren’t stupid. They know who cares for them and puts in the time, love and sacrifice necessary to really parent. You may want to check with a local family law attorney for the legalities of a name change under such circumstances; you may also want the bio-dad to relinquish parental rights.
Q — I’ve been mulling over a call you took on your radio program recently. You recommended that an elderly mother name a lawyer rather than her son as the executor of her estate, in order to avoid the wrath of her other son, who is prone to violence.
But by doing this, you are recommending that she defer to a bully.
I can’t believe that this is the only way to deal with a bully. Is there no other answer? Orlando
A — You want total freedom as a right under all circumstances — fine, but with that freedom comes the brains to know when to forge ahead or turn sideways.
The bottom line for that woman was to have the money dispensed the way she wished. Pitting the one potentially violent son against the unarmed good son would have been a stupid and dangerous way to make the point that “you have the right to do whatever you want.”
Q — My husband and I have two children, ages 11 and 6. We operate our business from a house we bought and use only for this purpose.
I feel the children should be able to come to this house after school and do homework, etc., and not be a problem. But, as you can guess, they tend to act up.
My husband says this is not a place for kids. I say it doesn’t matter, that this is an office, that they should be able to behave and follow our rules and expectations regardless of where they are.
Should they be brought here twice or three times per week after school for two or three hours per visit? Irvine, Calif.
A — I think that after a long day at school, with work and discipline and confinement, the kids should come home to at least one parent who is there to focus on them, their homework, their stories from the day, their snacks, their activities, etc.
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Questions may be sent to Dr. Laura Schlessinger in care of the Chicago Tribune WOMANEWS section, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611. Questions of general interest will be answered often in this weekly column; unpublished letters cannot be answered individually.
