During the Watergate era, deep, long-winded discussions about modern ethical dilemmas became all the rage. In light of recent events in Washington I think it is time to update the old questions.
So, as you cross that bridge to the 21st Century, dear reader, here is a Washington-style Ethics Self-test for the ’90s. All questions are based on real life, more or less. The answers are down below.
And, please don’t cheat.
Situation 1: You are a middle-aged president of the United States. You work long hours, but at least you get to work at home. A star-struck, raven-haired, 21-year-old intern likes to hang around late at the White House, apparently to be near you. She brings you a necktie. She confides that she wishes she could be the one to pick out your wardrobe and dress you every day. How should you respond?
A) Thank her, then transfer her immediately to a branch office.
B) Give her one of those dandy souvenir T-shirts you keep around for occasions like this.
C) Refuse to answer this question because the matter is still under investigation by the special prosecutor.
Situation 2: You are a friendly, middle-aged, big-haired working mom who the 21-year-old intern has befriended. Over drinks, the intern confides details of an affair she says she is having with the president, a man you do not like. What should you do?
A) Sounds juicy, but don’t get involved. It is none of your business.
B) Hire a literary agent, seek a book contract, strap a tape recorder to your body and illegally record her descriptions of the affair without her knowledge.
C) Offer the tapes to a special prosecutor or, more formally, independent counsel who is investigating the president on unrelated charges and say, “Listen to what I have here.”
Situation 3: You are the special prosecutor. You also are a $1-million-a-year lawyer whose firm represents, among other politically sensitive clients, the tobacco industry and the state of Wisconsin’s school voucher program in their continuing disputes with the president’s administration. Some other legal thinkers call these blatant conflicts of interest. What should you do?
A) Either quit the independent counsel post or quit the law practice until the independent counsel investigation ends.
B) Keep both jobs and give everybody your word of honor that you won’t let your fair and objective view be corrupted by the conflict.
C) Decline to talk about the subject of an ongoing investigation.
Situation 4: Four years and some $35 million in taxpayers’ dollars later, you are still an independent counsel investigating the president. So far, you haven’t jailed anyone, except a few of his friends and associates for violations that occurred before the president took office. Then the motherly big-haired informant from Situation 2 offers the illegal tapes that indicate the president may have lied and encouraged the young intern to lie, too, to cover up their affair. What should you do?
A) Quit. Close up shop and take that sweet offer of a Pepperdine University teaching job, underwritten by a right-wing philanthropist.
B) Take a pass on the alleged affair and any alleged lies connected with it. After all, it is a civil case regarding personal conduct, not related to the criminal case you have been trying to build. Turn the tapes over to the Maryland state police, who can charge the woman with illegal eavesdropping.
C) Put your own hidden tape recorder on the woman and, without telling the FBI, pursue the case. Then talk the U.S. attorney general into helping you extend your investigation on the grounds that, given time and more money, you’re bound to turn up something criminal.
Situation 5: You are a citizen with the opportunity to pressure the president to resign his office, although he steadfastly denies all the charges and none have yet been proved. What should you do?
A) Don’t wait for due process. Hound him out of office now.
B) Wait for more information. As long as the economy is strong, crime is down to record lows and the budget is balanced, hey, why rock the boat, right?
C) Criticize the media for making such a big deal out of it.
Scoring
If you chose A, congratulations. You strive for the highest ethical standards, which you apply consistently to all situations.
If you chose B, congratulations again. You believe in situational ethics. You adjust your standards to the situation. Probably. More or less. Sort of.
If you chose C, more congratulations. A nice career could be waiting for you in Washington.
By the way, did you cheat on the test? Hey, no problem.
But, you didn’t hear that from me.
